A New Year

I love New Year's Eve. To me, it's a time to review the last year and how I'm doing in life. While there are always things I'm not particularly pleased about or proud of, there are always some good things to remember too. Then there's New Years's Day. It's like the Universe has given us another chance, a clean slate to draw upon. While there are always things you can't control,  you still have control over your own choices. You can plan what you want your new year to be. That doesn't mean there won't be outside forces that may mess up your plans, but how you relate to those challenges is still up to you.

I saw the "blue moon" this morning! It was down close to the western horizon and it was huge and bright. It was just beautiful! I tried to get a picture, but it was still a bit dark. Oh well, it's still in my memory.

I called in sick today. That's the first time in quite awhile. I felt bad about it, but I really felt bad physically, sort of like I'd been run over by a tank. My sinuses were so full, my eyeballs were looking for space. My ears are full as well. It's not fun, but temporary. Hopefully,it will be short lived.

To anyone reading this, Happy New Year! May 2010 be a wonderful year for us all!

Cold and Colds

It's snowing again, lightly. It's cold but maybe just slightly warmer than it has been. We've had such a cold December that I'm ready to put on long-johns. It's been very cold at work, more sowhen I'm working near the freezers or in the meat department. We have big people sized ovens in the bakery so we can bake big quantities. Sometimes I'd love to just walk in after a batch has been baked, just to warm up a little! The weather reports suggests that we may be getting closer to normal in the next few days,which is 36 degrees. I don't think we've even seen  32 degrees for 2 or 3 weeks.

I also have a cold. It's not too terribly bad, but not too much fun either. I keep working because we have to get any demos ordered for 2009 done by tomorrow. Still, I'm not really excited by tomorrow. We've been having so many traffic accidents when it snows because people just can't seem to slow down. They forget that when the temperature is in the teens, the snow is going to freeze when it hits the ground. When it snows, we've been getting 150 accidents a day. You'd think by now, people would figure out that they're doing something wrong.  Unfortunately,winter has at least 2 months more to go.

Another Year Nearly Gone

It's hard to believe that we're almost through with another year. Actually. we're on the brink of a new decade! It seems like just a while ago that everyone was stressing about the new millenium and whether all the computers would crash when the date changed to 2000.  Now here we are, about to finish the "ought" decade. No more 01s or 03s. We're going into 2010.

I was reading one of my favorite op-ed columnests this morning. He suggested that we call this last decade the zero  decade since that was pretty much the extent of any kind of progress we Americans have made, on any front. I have to admit, I think he's right. We are seeming to be unable to learn from our mistakes and keep repeating them, expecting that "this time" it will come out right. Isn't that the definition of insanity?

I keep trying to think if I'm learning anything myself. I hope so, but sometimes I'm not too sure. After Christmas, I thought that the holiday was a celebration of love. God gave us his Son, to show His total Love for His Creations. The least we can do, other than love Him back, is to love one another, each of us, whether lovable or not.

I'm not sure whether to make any New Year's resolutions. I usually break them and make the same ones every year. This year, I think I'll put "gratitude" at the top of my list. It's amasing how being grateful can help your outlook on life. Even if the only thing you can find to be grateful for is being alive and breathing, that's a pretty big deal. Maybe you can only be glad that you didn't fall out of bed or that you've got something to eat for breakfast, even though it might not be what you quite wanted. You can still be grateful you're not going to starve today. Some days it can be hard to find something to be grateful for, but the more you practise, the more you'll find to be grateful for. If you can only find one silly thing to be glad about, so be it. Be glad about it, tomorrow will be better, sooner or later.

I had to work Christmas Eve this year and I tried to be upbeat, but I was just basically grouchy about the whole thing. I only had to work about 4 and 1/2 hours, but I had to work so hard being nice to people. It wasn't their fault I had to work, after all. I was exhausted at the end of my shift. I discovered that it really is harder work to be a grouch than to be cheerful. Who knew?

Christmas Nearly Here

Strangely enough, Christmas crept up on me this year. It's strange because I work in the retail sector and we push Christmas from just after Halloween. In fact that's probably why I didn't notice how close it was. Just suddenly, it was only days away. Since I work in a warehouse store, we're about 3 months or more ahead in our stocking. We now have patio furniture in recieving and garden decorations out in the floor. It's no wonder I can't keep track of the days.

This year, I'm working both Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. I've done New Year's Eve before. It's not really bad, since I don't really do much for the holiday. I tried "First Night" celebrations, but it's just too cold.

My Christmas celebrations have sure changed with the years. As a child, I was excited about Santa, then grew up a bit. I was still excited about gifts, but enjoyed other parts of the holiday. After growing up and starting a family, I had lots of fun seeing Christmas through my children's eyes,then through my Grand Children's eyes. Now, with not much family left here, and my Son and his family in another state,Christmas is changed again.  I find myself looking for some new ways to celebrate the holiday. Maybe next year, I'll include the needy more than I have before. If I do that, I'll have to start earlier, and plan better. It's something to think about anyway. 

Learn From History

I was reading one of Jack Krugman's colunms today. He is an economics professor, I think at Columbia and writes an op-ed column for the New York Times.  He was talking about how our legislators don't seem to learn from history, even when it is recent history. During the last vote on regulating banking with some small restrictions, every single Republican voted no, and something like 27 Democrats voted no.

You want to wonder where these people have been for the last year. Have they been visiting another planet? Maybe they have their heads in the sand.

After the first "great depression" in the 30s, the government imposed regulations on lending. It kept things going pretty well until the Reagan era, when free enterprise became the new idol and could do no wrong.Regulations were less and we got the savings and loan fiasco that the American people had to pay to fix. Then came the sub-prime loans and the housing bubble and we're still reeling from that. It seems that there are plenty of things to blame for the depression besides lack of regulation and greed. Let's blame the poor people who somehow hoodwinked the mortgage companies into loaning them money they couldn't pay back. It has to be the victim's fault, right? Our upstanding bankers with thier huge bonuses couldn't do anything wrong.!

Of course, the Republicans vote no on everything. Let's not give Obama any slack at all.The sooner the Democrats are gone and the Republicans are back in power, the sooner we can get back to business as usual, letting the free market take care of everything, like health care where they're doing so well. Let the market take care of policing and the prisons, and our infra-structure. Surely, all the altruistic business men will have out country whipped back into shape.  I know that's not quite fair, as there are some businesses and businessmen who do care and give back to the country. Too bad there aren't more of them.

Book Signing

Sarah Palin was in town yesterday, 12/9,for a book signing at Costco. People spent Tuesday night outdoors in temperatures of 3 degrees, just to make sure they got a signed book. Ms Palin was only slated to be about 3 hours at the signing. Now, I wouldn't walk across the street in warm weather to see Sarah Palin, much less buy her book, so obviously, I wasn't there. Also not there was the chairman of the Utah GOP. He couldn't even get in touch with her people until the day before she was to arrive, when he recieved an email telling him she wouldn't have time for a meeting. To be fair, that's probably true, and she is traveling with part of her family, including her baby,who needs care. I imagine that a book signing is designed to see the most people in the shortest time. In any case, while I might like to see what Palin has to say, I don't plan on buying her book. Maybe I'll get a library card and check it out. That way, I don't contribute to her. She is what she is, but I don't have to like her.

Snow Day

We got a little snow last night! We got about 4 inches of light, fluffy snow on Sunday, but today's snow is more like 6 or 7 inches. It's still pretty light, but heavier to move than last sunday's snow. It's so cold! We will be lucky to break 20 degrees here in Tooele today. I've left a blanket of snow on my car hood.Hopefully, it will insulate it tonight when the low will probably be below 10 degrees, maybe 8 or 9. I certainly hope this bitter cold will not continue much longer. The Utah State Legislature and Govener don't much believe in global warming as it is. Any excuse to pass some meaningful legislation. Anyway, we got our exercise shoveling the stuff today.

On another note. I spent the last 2 nights watching Syfy's new version of Alice in Wonderland, prepared to pick it apart. It turned out, I loved it! Hopefully, they will put it out on DVD. I would certainly buy it. I really enjoyed the actors playing Alice and the Hatter.

Spinning Wheels

I don't know about other people, but there are days, even weeks and months, that I just seem to be spinning my wheels. I feel like I'm doing nothing and going nowhere. There really isn't anything wrong with doing nothing, per se. It can be very good for you if you've made that decision, or given yourself permission. You can always use a break to recharge, just sit, do nothing and open yourself to messages from your intuition, or from your "Higher Source". They're probably the same thing anyway. Unfortunately, doing nothing can become a habit. I seem to find dozens of rediculous busy work that accomplishes nothing but allowing me to waste time.

I slip into behavior patterns that are just habit, doing the same things over and over, not realising that I'm no longer getting anything out of the behaviors, or even finding enjoyment. Quite often, I'm bored and frustrated and wondering if this is all there is. I think of lots of things that might be interesting or worthwhile, but instead of following through, I'm stuck in doing things that don't really need to be done. After all, what would happen if I didn't play my games on Facebook for awhile? I might actually free up some time for doing something worth doing.

It's amazing to me how much easier it is to keep doing the same old things, even when you know those things aren't really what you want to be doing!

Thanksgiving 2009

Thanksgiving has come and gone for another year. My Aunts and I went to Cracker Barrel again this year. It didn't seem quite as crowded this year as last. That may have just been because we went at a different time this year. They have good food and we probably eat less than if we were cooking at home. I seem to have lost the incentive to spend the day cooking, though it is nice to have left-overs. I worked on Wednesday, so was a bit tired. We were pretty busy with last minute shoppers. Today, I'm actually off. I'm just as glad. It gets slow on food sales, people are shopping the "black Friday" sales, not groceries. I like to be pretty busy, not slammed, but busy enough that the time goes quickly.

I'm grateful, as always, for friends and family. They are what makes life worth living and interesting. Our pets can be a joy as well. Mother Natures bounty is appreciated, even her quirkey sense of humor. I'm grateful for a few days without storms, though we have to trade that for hazy skies and temperature inversions. I guess if I want to see brighter sunshine, I can always go into the mountains.

I'm grateful that my Daughter-in-Law has a new job.I'm hopeful that things will work out as she wishes, it will certainly be a new adventure for her. As far as I know,my Grandchildren are doing well and my Son is working as well. One thing I'm not grateful for is the distance separating us, but I am grateful that they are happy with their location.

Life continues to be an adventure, which is perhaps the thing to be most grateful for. After all, who wants to be bored?

Busy, Busy

Another "Taste of Sam's" is over for another year. This year I'm pretty glad too. It seems like I got more fun out of it the past 2 years, but maybe I'm just being forgetful. It's always a lot of work, but this year we had a regional manager putting us through our paces. That definetly adds to the stress. We also had some disatifaction from the members. as well. Management changed the format this year, giving us only one event table and our Chef's Meal Solutions, with everything else being done with individual carts, just like a regular day. That's one complaint we heard from members, that it was nothing special like it's been other years. We also served pretty much the same things we do every weekend, very few of the fancy things we have other years. It may be that management didn't feel that people would be willing to spend for the special stuff. I'm sure they would have been willing to taste it though. We did have some good stuff for the Chef event though.

My first day, on Friday, I did what's called a roaming demo, where you take the food to the people, generally near the check out area with the idea of getting last minute sales from people. I served almonds, candied with a creme brulee flavor. It's very tasty. Of course, I probably walked ten miles on cement floors. At least, when I stand at my cart, I'm on a matt!

On Saturday, I got to play chef. My feet got a break, as they put the chef on a wooden platform, and we get matts too. It was a nice break for my feet, but somewhat frustrating. The new form for the chef event requires that we teach or demonstrate a cooking/serving technique and we don't serve continuously. We haven't got the membership quite trained yet. I cooked Frenched Rack of Lamb with asparagus. I had to cut the rack into chops, season and cook in olive oil. Actually, very simple. The asparagus had to be cut and trimed before hand, I must have cut up 15 pounds or more. I cooked that in olive oil with minced garlic, cracked pepper and salt, then added slices green olives. A little different taste, but good.

On Sunday, I was a "runner". I helped out with the things we were cooking in the kitchen and got them distributed to the other Demo people, I made sure everyone had enough supplies and helped keep the kitchen clean. I got pretty tired, but it was a break not having to worry about selling anything.

When I left the store, it was in a blizzard of slushy snow. It was coming from the north and, of course, I had parked on the north side of the building. My hair was soaked by the time I got to the car. Fortunately, the roads were mostly just wet until Standsbury Park, where they started to get slushy. By the time I hit Erda, it was getting slick. In Tooele, on main street, it was beginning to ice up. By the next day, the sun was shining! We're supposed to have good weather until Saturday. Of course,I work Saturday.

Quotations

I've come across some lovely quotations that I like and would like to share them.

Three from Einstein: Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
A human being is part of a whole....a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself....as something separated from the rest....This delusion is a kind of prison for us... Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
Imagination is more important than Knowledge.

From Thich Nhat Hanh: Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

From Stephen Covey: Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will effect us.

From Chief Seattle: Man did not weave the web of life; he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.

From Mahatma Gandhi: As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world--that is the myth of the atomic age--as in being able to remake ourselves.

From Helen Keller: The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

Busy Weekend

I had a pretty busy weekend. I worked 4 days, Thursday to Sunday. On Saturday, I and another Demo Associate, Michelle, worked on a meatball event. We used the same brand meatball and served it 2 different ways. Michelle served hers in a marinara sauce, cut in half on a toasted Italian seasoned toasted bagette. I served mine whole, on a tooth pick in a sauce made from barbeque sauce and grape jelly. It sounds strange, but is really quite delicious. It was quite a hit. Of course, you can't please everyone. Michelle got quite frustrated trying to explain to someone that she couldn't remove the grape jelly from a meatball for her. It was a tiring demo because our meatballs were being cooked back in the kitchen, and we would serve them so quickly that we were running back and forth, trying to keep up with demands.

It always surprises me how many people decide to go shopping when it snows! We had a snow storm on Saturday and it didn't lessen our crowds at all. If anything, it increased them. Of course, since we have a tire shop, that was most of the increase. People suddenly decided that winter was coming and they needed new tires. While they wait for the installation, they shop and/or partake of the free samples.

We had a lot of wind with the snow and it was very cold. It made the storm seem worse than it was downtown where the store is. When I left at 6 pm, I thought I'd missed having to drive in the storm because the clouds were breaking up and the roads were mainly wet. Unfortunately, by the time I hit Magna, it was snowing again. Going up the hill around Kennecot, visability was bad. The weather report had predicted "lake effect" snow, so I expected to have it all the way to Tooele, but it ended at Lake Point. We did get more snow in Tooele over night though. We ended up with 8 inches in Tooele. Great fun to shovel before work on Sunday morning. I'm pretty stiff and sore today,but it will pass.

Thankfulness

It's November again. Our minds turn to gratitude and all that we are grateful for. Isn't it sad that we only reserve one month, officially, to be thankful? Of course, many of us practise gratitude on a regular basis. I used to keep a gratitude journal, formally recognising things to be grateful for each day. It got to be a little meaningless after awhile.My fault probably. I do better being spontaneous. Still, for this month I plan on posting something to be grateful for each day on my Facebook page, thanks to a fellow Facebook friend. Hopefully, it will catch on.

There are days when it is hard to find something to be thankful for, because of problems you are facing. This is really a time that we need to dig deep and find something to be thankful for, even if it's that you got out of bed that morning. When we are facing challenges, especially hard ones, it's really important to find at least one thing to be thankful for, just to show yourself that all is not totally dark.

Making a habit of gratitude can brighten and enrich your life. Just the knowledge that you can be thankful for something, just to be breathing, heart beating, aware of yourself, can sometimes be a pretty good gift, if not to you, at least to those who love you!

Time or Timelessness

It's strange how we experience time. Time can seem like it is rushing along, pushing us to do more or making us feel that there is not enough time. Sometimes we feel like there's all the time we need. Other times, we feel there is no time, we're in the flow of whatever we're doing and time either doesn't exist, or it seems to stand still.

Notice how many times I've used the word "time" in the last paragraph. Notice the ways the word can be used. It seems pretty important for something that may or may not exist. Time is used to denote the linear progression of past, present and future. Even Einstein called time a stubbornly persistant illusion. The Greek had two words denoting time. Chronos is numeric or chronological time. The other word is Kairos, which lierally means "the right or opportune moment". This discribes metaphysical or devine time. This is the time we experience during meditation or during some intense, in the flow experience. Sometimes we have a sense of timelessness that gives us a glimpse into spiritual infinity, if we're very lucky. Metaphysician, Thomas Troward wrote, "The whole of the Spirit must be present at every point in space at the same moment."

Many indigenous people seem to have an ability to live in the present moment, not be tied down to the tyrant of time passing, as we "civilised"people are. Some of them don't even have words in their language to discribe time as we do. We should all strive to live each moment, just as it is. The past is gone and cannot be changed, only learned from. The future has not arrived yet and depends upon the present for it's outcome. We need to learn to act as if "now" is all there is, because it's true.

Strange Day

Today has been a strange, sluggish day. I woke up tired and I'm still tired. I have accomplished very little, when I had planned so much. I get really irritated by days like this. Maybe I just need to "go with the flow" and just get through it.

It has actually been pretty nice weather for the last few days. I really need to work out in my garden a bit before the ground freezes, which could be soon or not, only Mother Nature knows. The nieghbors tree on our property line has lost most of it's leaves. They would make great winter mulch for the garden, but not if I wait until we get more snow. (the snow we got before Halloween melted)

Sometimes I feel really guilty when I'm not accomplishing something. I mean, life doesn't really last forever, at least not as the currant body, that is. Of course, time doesn't really exist,we just experience things in a linear fashion, so it's convenient to use a clock, I guess. That's why our Congressmen can get away with playing with our clocks. I guess it gives them something to do and makes them feel like they're earning their great health benefits, right. Well, tomarrow is another day, hopefully.

Halloween

This is the second year I have worked on Halloween for my current job. I don't really remember last year, but I do remember this year. Of course that was yesterday, so I really should remember, right?

This year, our manager who is in charge of community outreach programs,(read PR), decided that since Halloween fell on a Saturday and we would see more children, we should supply them each with a paper bag and let them trick or treat in the store. That mostly meant supplying all the demo people with a supply of candy to hand out, in addition to our regular demo chores. We were kept supplied most of the day with plenty of candy. We're a warehouse store, we have BIG bags of candy.

It was a little distracting, sometimes a lot distracting. There were some really cute kids and costumes. There were very young ones who weren't quite sure what was going on, and there were those who were too shy to say "trick or treat". Sometimes we'd get so involved with the kids, to look up and find our trays empty of demo samples and mostly patient people waiting to taste some morsel or another. To say we were kept busy is an understatement. One of my demo associates said she wasn't even quite sure what day it was.

We had one or two demo people who tried to limit the candy to children, but most of us didn't worry about adults getting candy. I guess we remembered taking a little cut of the candy of our children when they were small.

It was dark when I came home and I worried about little goblins on the streets, but there were only those keeping to the sidewalks. Even with the "trunk or treat" programs at the churches and the downtown merchants giving out candy, we still had more kids than last year. We were close to running out of candy, which is better for my waistline anyway.

First Snow Storm

Yesterday we awoke to snow on the ground. It wasn't much, just about a half inch. Since the ground wasn't frozen yet, the roads were mainly wet. It didn't seem too bad. However, Mother Nature wasn't through with us yet. The clouds stayed around most of the day and the wind kept blowing. We kept getting little, short periods of snow flakes. The weatherman warned us that it would get worse overnight because there was a storm coming from the north west over the Great Salt Lake. Tooele and the western parts of Salt Lake could get more snow.

This morning when we got up there was about 4 inches of snow on the mailbox and my car was covered. It's been cloudy and breezy most of the day. It's just plain cold, though the walks and driveway are pretty much melted. Still, we've stayed inside and warm, though the dog, Lady, has been trying to coax at least one of us outside to play in the snow. Silly dog. She hates the rain, but loves the snow.You'd think she had Husky in her instead of Lab.

The mountains have seemed to be getting a good base of snow. That's good. I'm not all that fond of snow, but I do like drinking water and washing, so I guess I need to learn to put up with the snow. It actually wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to travel. Maybe I can figure out how to call my demos in?

Defy Gravity, An Early Review

I've just started reading Caroline Myss' new book, Defy Gravity. It is about healing as all of her books are, but this one is more about healing through "Grace". She gets away from much of the conventional ideas for healing. Her previous book, which I haven't read yet was called "Entering The Castle" in which she talks about the writings of one of her favorite historical womwn, Saint Theresa of Avila. She bases this new book on some of the things that have happened to her and her audiences when she was promoting that pervious book.

Caroline Myss has been a medical intuitive for many years working with Dr. Norm Shealy. I read several of her books from that time. She's seemed to believe that we can heal using ours or other's energy. There is certainly quite a bit of study on the subject. Many of her books talk about our attitudes and outlook on life, our using our minds to heal.

This new book is more about spirit. So much of the first part of the book resonates with me. She talks about how so many of us feel the empty places in our lives and psyche. I know that is true for me. She feels that we can't depend on science for everything, we need Spirit, we need God's Grace to see us through.

I am into chapter 2 now and enjoying it very much. She talks about forgiveness and surrender and the reason so many of us can't seem to do these things, and I see myself. I'm not quite as bad about forgiveness, but surrender is something that is very difficult for me. It's difficult to give up control, even though I know that I can't control all, or sometimes even some of the aspects of my life. I will keep reading and hope to heal my life somewhere down the road.

Just Another Post

It is a beautiful, sunny day today. It's a nice change from a couple of pretty heavy windy days. We need to replace some plastic tarp on the garage roof where we didn't get it repaired this year. We had garbage cans tip over and tree branches and pinecones to pick up. One of our windchimes needs to be restrung. It was originally done with cording, but fishing leader lasts better in our windy area.

I've actually been doing a little sewing. I've finished a top for myself made from a Fall, Halloween type print to wear at work. The neckline had an over-lapping vee neckline that I really had problems with. I'm so out of practise! I'm going to try doing some other sewing. Many of my clothes have really seen better days, plus, some I'm heartily sick of.

I've been spending entirely too much time playing games on Facebook! Cafetown really irritates me. It takes too much time to load, if you don't spend enough time there, your food gets ruined and has to be discarded. I find myself treating it like a real business and worrying about customer service. I guess that's a habit from my real job.I think I'll let the cafe thing go. The farm is more fun anyway. It seems a bit silly to spend so much time on something that isn't real. Maybe that's the charm.

We're getting ready to paint the garage if the weather holds up. It really needs it! This weekend is supposed to be in the 70s. Of course I'm working! After all, it is a weekend and working in retail pretty much demands it.

Well, life goes on here in Utah, pretty much as usual, which isn't saying a lot. Still, it's predictable.

Our October Venture

My Aunts, MaryLou and Maureen and I went on a little outing on Sunday. We planned on seeing fall leaves. The weather was stormy and I considered postponing the trip, but my next Sunday off was not for 2 weeks. The leaves would be pretty much off the trees by then.

We usually go fairly high, like the Nebo or Alpine Loops, but we were concerned about driving in snow.We decided to just go up to Park City, then to Midway and Heber, then on down Provo Canyon.

We had rain most of the way. Park City had some road work going on, so we ended up driving around a bit. The rain showed signs of becoming snow, getting a little slushy. The picture was taken around Park City. You can see a little snow on the top of the mountain. By the next day, they had snow on the ground.

We drove through Midway.There's been a lot of building there. They even have a spa resort now. Heber has done some beutifying along Main St. We got hungry and needed a pit-stop, so we stopped at MacDonalds. I can't believe we drove that far just to eat at MacDonalds. Oh well, when hunger calls.

The drive down Provo canyon was really pretty.The leaves were mostly turned, but still on the trees. It's sure a lot nicer with the new road!

We ended up going home through Lehi and the "back" way through Cedar Fort. By the time we got out around the area where the ATV riders like to go, the rain was coming down looking like weak chocolate milk, or maybe latte. The car is really a mess! Unfortunately, it's still a little cold to wash it at home.We might have to resort to paying for a carwash. All in all, storm included, it was a nice trip.

The Self Actualised Person

I just recieved some information about becoming "self actualised". I think the term originated from a man called Abraham Maslov. I think he was a phycologist or perhaps a socialolgist or something like that. Anyway, he described the stages that people go through to become mature, or "actualised".

The info I have talks about learning to accept what is, that which you can't change. Of course, you need to know how to recognise the things that you can't change, so you don't go through life banging your head against a wall, thinking you're going to make a difference. I guess we all go through those things.Still, it's better than giving up on something that you really might be able to change. But I degress. Usually, the things you can't change are other people. They are the only ones who can effect changes in themselves.We can only support them.

Another thing that a self actualised person does, is when problems occur, he allows negativity to go through him, but remain detatched from the result. That sounds pretty tricky to me. I have a hard time with the detatchment thing.

A self actualised person takes responsibility for himself. He doesn't blame everyone else. Okay, that's just being a grown up, right? Obviously,there are outside things that affect us, but we are responsible for our reactions.

There were other things, like respect for others, being supportive to others,etc. Oh, and a real big one, don't judge others. That's big, because it's hard. Just when you think you're doing okay, you find yourself slapping labels on people or events. I guess you have to learn to disagree with someone without judging them to be an idiot. Sometimes that is really hard!

Okay,I guess just getting to be adult age isn't all we have to do, we actually need to grow up too. The problem is that it seems to be an unending process. At least there's always something to learn and/or teach. Keeps life interesting.

The Enemy Within

Most of us have beliefs that do not serve us in our lives. We accept, as truth, things that we are told as we are growing up. As children, we don't seem to have much of a judgement filter for things we're told or see until we get older, meet other ideas, have experiences. Most of us, even if we consider ourselves stable and emotionally healthy, have beliefs that don't serve us well. We often even realise that judgements we make are often not really our own, but are remnants of things we accepted, without question, in our formative years. Trying to change or discard these beliefs can be very difficult. We often don't even realise what our beliefs are most of the time. I grew up thinking I was clumsy, because my Father told me so. It took me quite a few years to find out, I was no different than other people, I could be graceful, as well as clumsy. I wasn't cursed.

For children who undergo trauma and pain at a young age, who are told they are not deserving of happiness or given other beliefs about the world they are raised in, life can be a constant struggle to believe in their worthyness, their right to be happy. That's because they harbor a part of those beliefs within their minds, like an enemy. Often, despite "knowing"in their heads that they are worthy, that remnant of belief crops up, trying to assert itself. Allowing themselves to enjoy life and have a wonderful time, might trigger the belief that they are unworthy to enjoy themselves. They end up having to fight those feelings of depression and unworthyness again.

It's easy for someone who had a relatively happy childhood, to tell someone they just need to love themselves more. Unfortunately, that misses the point, that this child was never given love enough to learn to love themselves. I don't have answers for how to remove those false beliefs. I have enough of my own that rear their ugly heads when I least want them. I've heard that we should just let go of the beliefs that hold you back. Nobody seems to be real certain how to do that letting go. I suspect that those old beliefs need to be replaced by better ones, otherwise, there's a hole in your mind, but I don't really have answers.

Tiredness

I had a really busy 4 days at work this last weekend. We seem to be having more and more demos that are professionally planned, with signs and props and special recipes. I guess the vendors want to get the most out of the money spent. That's understandable. I'm not too excited about the ones that require a specific script. Usually, it's something fairly short and you have 2 or 3 to mix throughout the demo. Unfortunately, the customer doesn't always appreciate us sounding like the latest sales pitch on late night cable. Since I work at a "membership" facility, I see a lot of the same people week after week. As a Demo Lady, I often establish a certain rapport with our regulars and they expect to be treated like individuals. Some of them don't expect their regular demo person to start sounding like a parrot. I guess it will all figure itself out eventually.

On Saturday and Sunday, my demo was about stocking up your freezer with fun foods for football viewing. With 4 products, 3 needing to be cooked, we had to use the bakery ovens. Someone in the back would keep things cooking and put them in steam tables, but my partner and I had to run back and forth keeping our own steam tables out on the floor supplied. Plus, we did our own relieving for breaks and lunchs. I felt like I was running my legs off. Talk about race walking! By Sunday night, I was almost too tired to sleep! I work with such a great team of people though, that I had plenty of help, for which I am very grateful! Next weekend, I'm looking forward to only 2 days working.

My Aunts and I are planning to drive to the mountains on Sunday to see fall leaves. Of course, we're expecting snow in the high altitudes the next 2 days. Hopefully, that won't ruin the leaves. I'm trying to decide whether to pick my green tomatoes tonight or take a chance on it getting too cold tonight.

New Book

I've been reading a 10 page article on a book that was written over a period of time by Carl G Jung.It was written in a big red leather bound book by hand and with his own color drawings. It was written during a time of his life when he was under going periods of visions, nightmares etc. when he was a little concerned that he was going out of his mind. It started when he was 38 years old and continued several years. Apparently, he began welcoming it and ended up anylizing himself. The book remained in a cupboard in his home throughout his life and even after his death, for awhile. Eventually, his family put it into a bank deposit box in a bank in Zurich.

The family,for many years, resisted requests to have the book published. A few years ago, a man named Noll, published a book that was very critical of Jung, making the family unhappy. Then a scholar from London, let them know that there were ,at least, 2 partial copies of the "Red Book" available that might be published. The family decided to publish a copy of the original,along with a translation from the German and over 1000 footnotes, provided by the scholar from London. At least the book would be Carl Jungs own words.

It seems that there is a lot of unusual, for a scientist, material in the book. There are myths, achetypes, even the Devil. It should be interesting reading. I've always been more interested in Jung than in Frued anyway. I'm not sure when it will be out, but I'm going to watch for it.

Time Flies!

I just realised that I haven't posted here since September 8. Oops! For the last couple of weeks I have been back to my old schedule, working Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun one week, then just Fri and Sat the next week. I still get 4 days off a week, but somehow , it doesn't feel like it. I know, it's all in my head. I was just enjoying a normal paycheck, when I was told our team lead had been sticking her neck out and hoping for paid demos for us. Now she's been told by headquarters, that she can only schedual us for demos already set. That means, we have to be called in for last minute demos and are supposed to keep our calendars clear. Like that is going to happen, especially if she calls us with only a days' warning. Oh well, I still have a job, right?

Today was a beautiful day. It was sunny and not quite 70 degrees. I love this kind of weather! I played hooky and didn't mow the lawn this morning. My Aunt Maureen had a doctors appointment in Salt Lake, so we all 3 went in. After her appointment, we went shopping. I needed new work shoes. I think working on my feet all the time is makeing my feet wider and flatter. I also got some fun fall fabric to make me a new blouse to wear for Autumn Saturdays at work. We normally wear black trousers and white tops. We look like penguins. On Saturdays, we're assigned different colors. Last week we wore yellow and looked like honey bees. This past Sat was green. Next week, it's fall leaf colors. During October, we'll probably go Halloween or Fall. Pretty much the same in November until after Thanksgiving, then we'll be into Christmas colors and designs. It breaks up the monotany and allows us a little self expression.

We've had quite a few tomatoes from our little patch. With only one surviving cucumber plant, there's not been too much if them. I just hope we don't get an early freeze. The strange plant that has been growong out near the front sidewalk is either a pumpkin, or another squash. there are 3 little fruits so far.I don't think the season will last long enough to really get something from the plant, but you never know.

The Blahs

You know how some days just don't seem worth getting up for? That's where I am right now. Every day seems to stretch out before me the same as the one before with only slight variation. It may be because I seemed to be up and down all night, not really getting a good night's sleep. I've noticed that I get quite unenthusiastic when I'm sleep deprived, especially when that deprivation is from nothing much, certainly not from excitement.

I'm back to my old schedual at work, at least, for now. I guess we'll see whether the economy is looking up enough to keep our hours up. I get a raise this month. It's not what I've got in the past, but the fact that I still have a job, much less a raise, is certainly something to be thankful for. I am thankful, but I think I'm also bored. I have certain tasks each day, which I do. I watch the same things on TV, endlessly. I'm even re-reading one of my favorite series of books. Still, everything is the same with only small variations.

I've always believed that boredom is the fault of the boree. Is that a word? Anyway, I should be able to get out of this funk. Maybe I'm enjoying it? New project for tomorrow, right after I mow the lawn......Find something exciting to do, or at least interesting.

Politics?

I'm getting so depressed reading the news lately. It seems that we, as a nation are more polarized than ever. The president can't even give a little pep talk to the nations' school children without causing a furor. George H W Bush gave one during his presidency, with nary a ripple in the political firmament, but let Obamma try, and the conservatives claim he's trying to push his socialism agenda on innocent children! The mistrust in this country is rampent. The stories going around are so wild and unbelievable as to be laughable, but there are still people quoting rediculous things with apparent belief. Doesn't anyone stop to think about the stories and ideas they are passing on with such outrage and enjoyment? Apperently, there are people who would rather let someone else think for them. It's more fun to repeat outrageous stories and get others as excited as they are.

It's beginning to feel like when people relished passing on all the dirty laundry type of gossip over the back fence or around the water cooler at work. All the political junk going around has the same flavor of the worst sort of hurtful gossip that some people seem to love so much. Isn't it time for America to grow up and take some responsibilty for ourselves and our country?

Aging With Grace

My Son and Daughter-in-Law are bemoaning and feeling their age it seems. They are 45 and 44 respectively. Here I am at 65, and they're worrying in their 40s! I don't remember being too concerned at being in my 40s. I remember turning 30 and being glad that I was finally old enough to be taken seriously. I never worried too much about birthdays until the big 5 0. I think that turning 50 was traumatic because I was newly single, going through a divorce. It was scary. Fortunately, I had a considerate male friend who brought me roses, took me to dinner and a movie, and helped me realise that my life wasn't over.

I read an article recently about going through life without being overly concerned about age. The trick seems to be to find ways to continue through life with the state of youth available to us if we don't lock ourselves down with beliefs that hold us in place. I had a friend who became a grandmother at about age 38. She was very glad to have a grandchild, but, somehow, she seemed to believe that her life was now defined by being a grandmother. She saw herself as someone who tended the baby and stayed at home in her rocker.Can you beleive that? At age 38! Just unreal. Fortunately, she eased off on the rocking chair, went to work and started the next half of her life. At least she didn't totally let steriotypical beliefs ruin her life.

We come to life in a state of youth, with all it's flowering before us.We can continue through life with the state of youth available to us if we don't lock ourselves down with beliefs that hold us in place. It's fine to be stable, but it's not fun to stagnate.

The author of the article, Margaret Stortz, is a minister. She gives 3 attitudes to help you keep living youthfully. Make no comparisons, Make no judgements, and delete your need to understand. When we make comparisons between ourselves and others, we are held in place by them. The ideas of "better than" or "less than" bind us and limit our views of ourselves. We get stuck, and that leads to feeling less young. When we make judgemants of ourselves or others, they are often censorious. They have a negative bite. This tends to take the life out of healthy, flowing thinking. We can always assess our actions, seeing what works and what doesn't, but judging things either good or bad, tends to put us and others into boxes and limits our feelings and actions.

The third idea, not needing to understand, can be harder for some than for others, but the need to understand can cause problems. It's normal to want to understand why something is taking place. But what if whatever is happening is beyond our understanding? By insisting on knowing why, we can sidetrack ourselves into dead end conditions. We can over anaylise and get obssessive about our problems. This can distract us from looking at life as an adventure, full of wonder and not really knowing where it will lead. We can ask, who am I?and where am I going, what will I be next month or next year? These questions can't really be answered. We can say what we intend for our futures, what we want to experience, but we need to keep an open mind, because sometimes, God has a much better experience for us than we hope for. We all want the best for ourselves and our loved ones. That is good, we need to expect the best. Still, we need to keep open to the possibilities that God wants us to experience, He can think much bigger than we can, and as a loving Father, he wants us to have the very best.

I know that to someone who feels like they are hanging on to life by their fingernails, looking at life as an adventure is difficult. Life can be a great trial, but sometimes, just the idea that life can be different may, at times be an incentive. The idea that there are people "out there" living with adventure and possibilities, may help them to believe sometimes, that someday they will get to that place as well.

New Picture

I decided to bite the bullet and appear as I am. This picture was taken by my Aunt at Multonomah Falls in the Columbia River Gorge. We were on our way to Vancouver, Wa for my oldest Grandson's wedding. I'm eating an ice cream cone. That's okay, everybody eats, right. I guess I hate to show the roly poly me, thinking that people who see the picture will judge me by my weight. Like,"Wow, What a pig she is!" I see other people, people that I know and like and They may be a little rotund, but I never seem to notice it much. It always looks better on others than ourselves, it seems. I guess that we are usually our own harshest critics. It shouldn't be that way though. We're not supposed to judge people, and that's hard enough to stop doing. Somehow, we seem to think that it's okay to judge ourselves. It's not okay though. Still, I keep doing it. So here I am, in all my flawed beauty. It's okay though, we're all a little flawed. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here, trying to live our lives, make a little contribution when we can and try to learn a thing or two to get us to the next stage, right?

Looking at Life

I've always believed that life is beautiful and good. I know that isn't true for some people. I isn't even true for me 100% ofthe time, but for most of the time, it is true for me. I know that there are some people who are full of pain and fear. There are people who are full of anger,who blame others for their own pain and don't seem to be happy unless they can make someone unhappier than themselves. That is very sad, for them and anyone around them.

I know that there are people who have been through hell in their lives but have managed to build lives that are good. The hell doesn't go away totally, it just assumes a lesser importance most of the time. They manage to take positive energy and keep that foremost in their lives and keep a wary eye on the negative energy that tries to sneak up and sap them.

I sometimes think that you need to surround yourself with as much beauty as you can find, whatever moves you and is beauty to you. When life slaps you down, and it does, grab onto whatever it is that brings you a sense of beauty and love, no matter how small, and use it as a shield to protect yourself from the negative, the pain and ugliness that is out there.

I generally look toward music and nature and ,of course, family and certain friends that I can count on. The best friend is within, that part of me that is part of Spirit, who can see what I can't always see, that God is with us all, loving us, just as we are, always. Sometimes it's hard to believe, but we each are lovable and worthy, even when we have lost our way, even the person who wounds you is loved. God is the ultimate Father, loving and forgiving all.

The Dog Days of August

We had some hot days lately. I worked, so at least I was in air conditioning. Even so, it was rough as I was not feeling well. Friday I awoke to a very sore throat. I figured it was from post nasal drip. I couldn't afford to lose hours, so I went to work. After an hour or so, I felt really lousy. I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, so was probably a prime target to a virus or something. I ended up going home early. I took vitamin C, forced fluids and went to bed early. Saturday was better.My throat was still a little sore, but I managed to get through the day. I wanted to sleep in,but woke up as usual. Oh well, it's Sunday, I'll take it easy.

We had a really nice rain storm this morning. I hope we get more. It will save me watering tomorrow. It's supposed to be in the low 80s for awhile, a nice change from 100s! Our tomatoes are rippening well now. It's so great. The cucumber isn't putting out much, and the ones that do grow are a bit bitter tasting. I'll have to figure out why before next year.

It is hard to believe that summer is almost over. It seems like June was yesterday!

Judgement

I'm not sure why we humans feel the need to make judgements of each other. Not only do we make judgemsnts, we catagorise and label as well. Judgements are not ours to make, we are really not evensupposed to judge ourselves. We do it anyway. It is a very harmful practise, both for the judgee and the judger.We label and pigeonhole each other, then wonder why feelings are hurt. It's only an opinion, right? Wrong! It takes on something that we aren't qualified or in a Christian sense, even allowed to do. One reason we should not judge is because we don't know enough. We can't see into the heart and soul of the person we are judging. We often don't even understand our own hearts and souls!

I've always liked the saying from the Native Americans. " Don't judge someone until you have walked a mile in their mocasins". There's another quote, " He who is without sin, may throw the first stone" I think that one pretty much removes all of us from the ability to judge!

For the last several years of my life, I have tried not to judge others. to say that it is a difficult thing is an understatement. One of the things I've tried to learn is to accept people as they are. This is something I learned from my beloved daughter, who was "different". I think it is very hard to get past the tribal attitudes of "us and them". If you aren't one of us, you must be one of them. If you are different, you aren't me or part of mine. Unfortunately, dispite progress, we still revert to tribalism, though it may be seen as something else, it is still a more primitive part of our phyche.

Sometimes, a person thinks they are just offering an opinion, helping you to see yourself. Really, you can have any opinion you want to have, but if it's hurtful, keep it to yourself. If your opinion is so strong that you can't accept a person, then remove yourself and let the relationship go. Hurtfullness in the guise of helping is not a good thing.

More Geneology

I've been doing a little catch up on my family tree, trying to pare down some of the duplicate people and eliminate some children from some of the huge families, especially when they are far back in time.I'm still at over 9800 people in the tree!

I ran into a fun name recently. His name was Flaad Banquo De Dinan, born in 994 and died in 1064. He was born in the Pyrenese Mountains. His wife was named Muldevana De Atholl, born in 998. I'm glad his name was Flaad and not Vlaad. The area is too close for comfort. Maybe I'll do a little more research.

The Scottish clan keeps growing, I enjoy looking at Scottish travel sites and seeing what the areas of our ancestors looks like now. Much of our people came from Midlothian. It really looks beautiful. Maybe someday, I'll get to the UK and check out all the places our people came from. Of course, most of them came from the UK, but there were quite a few from France, Germany, Switzerland, Norway and Belgium. I'm not sure I'd be able to check out everything.I should have started sooner.

Yesterday, I found an ancestor who was born in 445; Chilperic K Deburgundy. His father was born in 420, can you believe it?His name was Gendioc of the Burgundians and his wife, born 438 was named Basina of Thuringia. That's in what is now Germany. It's really interesting to be seeing ancestors who were alive before there was a Germany or France or England. Their world was so different from ours,it's hard to imagine their lives.

I'm still pretty much at a dead end with the Haggerty line. I can't seem to connect Ireland with the U.S yet. I keep plugging away though. Someday, it may all open up for me.

Disturbing Atmosphere.

The political atmophere today is quite disturbing to me. The disent at some of the town meetings going on about health care reform is not just heated debate. It seems more hateful. There are things being said that are difficult to understand. People are painting swastikas on signs around places of meetings, they are complaining about things that are going to happen if Obama's changes go through that don't seem to have any relationship to facts.

There are people who are still saying that Obama was born in Kenya. Like the State of Hawaii is lying, all of them. Unfortunately, there will always people who will believe only what they want to believe, never mind those pesky facts.

There are people who are saying that the reforms will cause old people to be euthanised. This rumor can be traced to the House GOP leadership. There are fake "grassroot"organiszations that are being run by suspect people. Freedom Works is run by former House majority leader Dick Armey. Conservatives for Patient's Rights is run by Rick Scott, former head of Columbia/HCA, a for profit hospital chain. Mr Scott was forced out of that job due to an investigation for fraud. The company finally pleaded guilty of over billing State and Federal health plans. They paid out 1.7 Billion dollars in fines!

Many people say they disapprove of "any"form of socialised or government run healthcare.The surprising thing is that nearly half of those questioned were on Medicare. They don't seem to realise that medicare is a government program.

There seem to be genuinely angry people out there, but what has them angry? I was approached by a person while I was at work. He took one of my samples, made some small talk, then started talking about all the "reverse racial discrimination out there, since that communist became President". For a moment I was struck speechless. I told him that I wasn't paid to talk politics, only food, but I was disturbed. This has happened to me before,from people that I thought I knew. I live in a very conservative state, especially once you get out of Salt Lake City. But our store is practically downtown. This is disturbing.

I read Jack Krugman's colunm as well as some others in the New York Times, admittedly a little on the liberal side. There are signs of cultural and racial anxiety among people. I guess they expected Obama to wave a magic wand and all would be well. Now everyone thinks he's not living up to his promises. There are cynical political operatives out there who are fanning the flames, stiring up the angry white man. It seems to me that the republicans don't just want to keep the staus quo on health care, they think failure of reform will ruin Obama's presidency and open up things for them to come back to business as usual. Heaven help us all.

I Don't Know

The title of this post may be a little strange, but still is how I feel. There are lots of things I don't know, way more than what I do know. I guess that is true of all of us. Still, there are some things that it is scary not to know. One of those things has to do with being unable to take away the pain from a beloved child. When your children are tiny, you try to protect them from all harm if you possibly can. As they grow, you have to gradually let them have more freedom. One of those freedoms is to experience life and risk getting hurt. When they do get hurt, you soothe them and try to "make it all better". Unfortunately, the older they get, the harder it is to "make it all better". Eventually, they stand without you, and deal with their own hurts. Now they are grown and you just hope that, somehow, you've helped them to be strong enough to withstand life.You have to accept the fact that there will be others who will be there for your child. Now , you hope and pray that those people in a position to help or hinder your child will be the helpful kind.

My daughter seemed to be lucky enough to have people who cared about her and took care of her. Because she would always need to be taken care of, I tried to be very careful and keep track of those who were in a position to make positive or negative impacts in her life. It helped that she was pretty fiesty as well.

My son, who was always so bright and loving, wanting to do things for himself, has always been the bright spot in my life. I could usually depend on him to eventually tell me when he had done something wrong, like the time he tried pot. It took him awhile, but he came to confess it. Imagine how surprised I was to learn that he had suffered horrible treatment from someone when he was young, and I didn't find out for over 30 years! My conclusion for this is that he suffered so much shame from this treatment, that he somehow blamed himself, that he couldn't talk about it. After all, how do you tell your Mother that you have been abused? And you didn't have a very sympathetic father I suppose.

One of the big things I don't know, is how to"make it all better". It is probably not even possible. He can learn to deal with the pain and go on with his life, but I don't know how to help him do that either. I can be grateful for the wife he has chosen. She is truly his "help mate". I can be grateful for his belief in a compassionate God. I can love him as unconditionally as I am able, being only human. I wish I could turn back time and make it as if it never happened, but that is impossible.

One of the things I do know. In God's eyes we are perfect, that core of us inside that is part of God, is perfect, beautiful,wonderful and good. To my Son I say, "You are perfect and have a beautiful soul, I know it to be true".

Wedding Day

Here is Sam and Solanah getting ready to make the marriage official, signing the wedding license. Sam looks a little distracted, but he was very much ready to make sure all was official.

It was a wonderful wedding. It seemed really short for me, as a witness. I remember at my own wedding, time moves slower when you are the ones getting married. After this, Sam and Solanah danced a bit, then spent much of the rest of the time posing for the wedding pictures. Fortunately, as the Grandmother and Great Aunt, MaryLou and I didn't have to worry about much posing.

It was a beautiful setting for a wedding, at the old Fort Vancouver. There's lots of green grass, trees, and historical old buildings. There was even an old car ralley on the grounds and Sam and Solanah were able to get some pictures with an old car. I found a cool place to sit in the shade and just enjoyed the scenery. I could see the Columbia River in the distance and saw a sailboat or two. It was very nice. It was also hot, but nowhere near as hot as it has been lately. According to our local newspaper, Portland can expect to hit 106 degrees tomorrow. I sure hope not though. That kind of heat in that area is unthinkable!

The newlyweds went to San Fransisco for a few days. We had left before they got home, but it surely had to be cooler in SF than back home.

Sam and Solanah are embarking on their new lives together, a time full of joy, love and challenges. I wish them smooth sailing and much love and joy!

Vacation

We had a wonderful vacation! The picture is of Moltnomah Falls along the Columbia River Gorge in Oregon. The picture was actually taken 2 years ago. I have the recent pictures somewhere in my computer, but I forgot what I named the file. I guess I find them eventually. I t really seems strange to lose something in a little laptop, but if anyone can do it, I can.

We drove up by way of Wells and Jackpot Nevada. I took a wrong turn to US 30 west, thinking I was getting on I-84. As soon as the speed limit changed to 40 mph,I knew it wasn't an interstate. The road is a scenic highway called Thousand Springs road. We saw quite a bit we'd never seen before and it didn't add that much to the trip time, so it was worth it. Some of my most interesting trips have come from wrong turns.

We left at 5:20 AM mountain time and arrived at my Son's home around 7 PM pac time. We had printed out directions from google and only had to turn around once to find their new diggs. They have a very nice house.

My kids, notice how I claim them all, my Daughter-in-Law, is just like my own Daughter, so anyway, my kids have the most caring and generous friends. One couple brought over their trailer to park in front of the house and plug into the power, so we had our own home away from home. Another friend provided fresh flowers to make the trailer homey. These couples provided absolutely indispensible help and direction for the wedding rehearsal dinner, the ladies doing the decorating and much of the cooking, the men providing the grunt work of setting up and tearing down. They were phenominal!

The wedding was beautiful, espcially the Bride. The motif was the "50's".It was great! The Groom, the Father of the Groom,and the Brother of the Groom all wore colored sneakers with their suits with matching ties.Very stylish. If I ever find my pictures, I'll post them later.

Now,we're back home and I'm back to work. It's been very hot, but it's supposed to cool a little next week. On my first day back at work, my car died. I found out there's a security system that totally shuts off your electrical system if your battery gets below 9 volts. My key fob wouldn't even work, I had to use the key and when I tried to start the car, it beeped at me. Thank goodness for AAA. I've paid for it for years. some years I never use it, but when I need it, it's there and worth it. I got jumpered and got started. When I finally got home and parked, I turned off the car. I tried to start it again and couldn't. I planned on getting a jump the next morning and then going to get a battery. It actually started, but since I couldn't remember when I'd bought that battery, probably at least 3-4 years ago, I decided to buy a new one. I can't afford to commute so far to work with a car I can't trust. Other than that, we're surviving.

Vacation Time

Yesterday was my last working day for 11 days! Yeah! I need a vacation. Life in Retail has been a bit tense lately. I'm glad of the break. I'm really glad for the reason to vacation now. It gives me the reason to go on a trip rather than having a "staycation". Besides, a staycation doesn't get you out of your rut enough, you just end up being lazy, or worse, doing some home project.

We are going on a road trip to Vancouver, WA for my oldest Grandson's wedding. I might hate to admit that I'm old enough to have a Grandson getting married, but I'm so happy for him and his wonderful fiance, Solanah! Sam and Solanah seem like a wonderful pair. They seem to complement each other so well and are very obviously in love. They remind me, a bit, of my Son and his beautiful wife, Lisa, who are themselves still very much in love. Actually, My son and Daughter-in-Law are more than "in love". They are simply devoted to each other and best friends.

We are going to try driving up in one day. Usually, we spend one night in a hotel and will probably do that going home. We have to time our return to pick up our big, white, furry animal at the kennel on our way. We're trying a new route going up this time. We'll go by way of Nevada and pick up Interstate 84 from Twin Falls, ID. Hopefully we'll miss some traffic by avoiding SLC this time.

The last time I saw my Washington family was a sorrowful occaision. This time is a joyous time. I much prefer it this way.

Some Updates

I've had a little time to do some genaology this week. Ancestry.com has changed things a little so that it is easier to get around from person to person, so I've been doing a little clean-up on some of my lines. I don't think I've mentioned that we also have Greek ancestors who were in Constantinople, Turkey. We have some French and Norman forbears who did some take overs in Turkey.I guess it was around one of the Crusades. We are also related to some of the Greeks who were also playing take over in Turkey. One was named Andrinikos Dukas Kamateros. He was born in 1108, in Constantinople. His wife was Theodora Kalusine Komnera, born 1126, also in Constantinople.

We've even had some of our French and English forbears who died in Bethleham or Jeruselam, probably on Crusade. The thing that's surprising though, is that some of them took their wives along. We have one ancestor who's name I can't recall just now, proclaimed himself King of Jeruselem and actually ruled for awhile. Can't say our family didn't have nerve.

On the Welsh front, we have Llewelyn Ap Iorewerta who was born in 1173 in Aberfraw Castle in Cearnarvonshire Wales. Most of our Welsh forbears came through the Clark side. One of our Great Grandfather Jefferies married Emma Clark here in Utah,and there was born our Welsh lineage.

We are also related the "Alfred the Great". He was supposed to be one of the first great kings of England. He did have great statesman like skills and could handle men. However, there wasn't really an England, as such, then. It was in the ninth century and England consisted of London and the surrounding area, called Mercia. The northern part of the country below Scotland was called the Danelaw and consisted of, well Danes, who had decided to settle down and enjoy the spoils of viking. Wales was bigger and occupied the area east of Mercia. Still, Alfred managed to keep Mercia for his people and laid the foundation of the future England. I had read stories about that time period and felt pretty pleased to be related to Alfred.

On another note, we're looking forward to a wedding next week. We'll be loading up and heading for greener climes next Tuesday. Whee!!!!!

Just Keep Trying

I thought by now, at my age, that I'd be coasting to the finish line. Just taking things easy, having some fun along the way, my life in hand, very little angst. Guess what? It just ain't so. I guess some of us are destined to push our way to the finish line. Not that I'm expecting the finish to be right around the corner. If I had my druthers, I'd end it all in my sleep at the age of 102, having lived well and worn everything out, ready for a new life on the other side. Unfortunately, the struggle continues. Fortunately, it's not as bad as my teens, thank the Lord.

I have days when I have trouble finding anything to be thankful for. Of course, those are the days when I really need to find those things to be thankful for. After all, I'm still breathing, walking, talking, etc. I have loving family still, and friends. There's a big lumbering Dog who thinks I'm pretty great, though I'm probably 2 nd on her list, but that's okay.

My job is problamatic much of the time lately. The things I enjoyed in my job, sometimes get lost in its' demands, though a sweet child always brings a smile to my face.

Sunday, I let myself be drawn into a bit ot a political argument with a customer, that I've usually enjoyed. I really felt bad and beat myself up for the rest of the day. I get upset with myself for getting side tracked. I'd love to be perfect, but then I'd probably decide there was something wrong with that too.

You get to a point in life, when you realise you just might not make all those goals you've had. What really anoys me is that I fail to make any headway on things that I've wanted to do, it seems, all my life. You'd think that I could fix, at least, one or two things that I want to change about myself. My Son wrote about everyone being on their own path, which I firmly believe. Sometimes, though, I'm afraid that my path has gotten faint, or I've slipped off from it and I'm just wandering around. Maybe I should just enjoy the wandering for awhile,or maybe I should find a way to stop for awhile and listen for instructions.

My Opinion

I've been reading my Son's family blog about Father's day. It sounds like it was mostly good. My Son was making the point that what a child experiences with their father, molds their expectations and ideas of God, the ultimate Father. I think that may be right. Athough my concept of God has changed since I was a child, I think your first concepts probably are very influenced by thr relationship you have with your own earthly Father. My Father was very loving, though quite strict. He was careful to not make a promise that he couldn't keep. I remember once, I was supposed to wait for my Grandfather to pick me up from grade school, but I went to Primary with a friend. My Grandfather couldn't find me and finally went home without me, to get my Mother to help him look. By the time they got back, I was at the school waiting, realising that I was probably in trouble. Mom was so upset that I'd frightened everyone, that she told me I couldn't go to the play or concert that the high school was doing that night. My Aunt MaryLou was in it and I had been promised I could go. I was upset, but truthfully, I think I knew I deserved it. After my Dad got home from work, he told Mom that it had been a promise. By that time, it was too late to go to the play. Dad told me I'd been very wrong to worry everyone and need to be punished. I got a spanking, then I was taken to the drive-in in Tooele for a movie, to make up for missing the concert. I was probably 8 years old, but I've never forgotten it.

I didn't always agree with my Dad, and he certainly wasn't perfect, but he did teach me about keeping my word, or not giving it. Maybe that's why my kids heard "maybe" so often.

I must say, that my concept of God has grown as I have I guess. My belief is that God is Love. That said, I don't believe that you recieve everything you ask for, in the way that you ask for it. We can ask for anything and God, in his Love will give it to us. However, we don't have the right to tell God how to do His job, so He will give to us in His own time and in His own way. Being a Loving Father, He will give back to us beyond our dreams, since we usually tend to think too small, forgetting that God is Omnipotent and all-powerful. The trick is believing, expecting, and accepting. We need to be grateful for all that we have, the breath that we take, the fact that we live, the many things in this world that are beautiful. If we wnt love and beauty, we need to look for it and be grateful for that which we see. If we focus on the unhappy things, the ugly or the lack, that will be what we keep experiencing, because that's where our focus is. When I find myself down and not interested in getting out of bed in the morning, eventually, I'll remember to focus my attention on the things that are good and remeber to thank God for all the good I can see. Usually, things will perk up in awhile.

I don't say my belief is the only belief, only that it usually works for me.

Living Honestly

I sometimes find myself agreeing with a person I'm talking to, all the while, knowing that I don't really agree. It may be a co-worker, or a manager or a new acquaintance, or even a stranger. I'm sure that we frequently do this just to be agreeable, or because the issue isn't particularly important at the time. I guess it may not be that important if it is just an occaisional happening. There are some who would say that anytime you don't assert your own beliefs can be living a lie, therefore damaging your own soul. After 911 I often had problems when listening to some of my more militant co-workers. I'm happy yo say that I didn't validate their views on wanting vengence because I didn't agree. I mostly listened and kept my opinions to myself, deciding not to cause discent at work. This made me feel that I had been untrue to myself, though I was pretty sure I wouldn't have changed people's minds.

When I was younger, I pretty much voiced my opinion whether anyone asked for it or not. Getting older either mellowed me, making me realise that telling everyone what I think is,at best, being a bore and at worst, an exercise in futility. I have tried to learn not to judge others and to accept them as they are. Trying to convince everyone of the rightness of my opinions and beliefs is can be frustrating and usually, not worth it. Still, how do you make sure you are being true to yourself? By letting someone believe that you agree with everything they say, am I being honest? Does it even matter?

I guess you have to keep checking how you feel about yourself, whether there's a feeling of disconnectedness or a bit of guilt over something you've said or not said. Is it another person you may have wronged? If not, maybe the person you have wronged is yourself. I thought I'd have more answers to life by the time I got this old, but my ideas have changed nearly as much in the last decade as they did in my 2nd and 3rd decade. I'm not sure we ever have all the answers. If we think we do, we're probably wrong.

Looking back at this rambling post,I'm not sure I said what I wanted or if it was worth doing. Oh well, I'm just rambling anyway.

Back to Genealogy

I've been working on both our Scottish and our Welsh lines lately. The Welsh lines are a bit of a challenge since the names are nearly unpronouncable. Some of the place names just look like a string of letters, a long string, but usually include a province or county that's recogniseable. Many of our Welsh forbears came from around Glammorgan or Monmouthshire. As an example of interesting place names, there's Morgan Ap Maredudd from Cyfoeth, Meredydd, Gwynllwg in Monmouthshire. Notice the use of w and y and l in everything. There is a woman named Tangwlstl Verch Rhys. The Verch seems to be used for women. I don't know if it's like Mrs or some other form of honorific. At least with the "Verch", you know it's a woman, sometimes the only way to tell.

We are related to Daffyd Ap Llewellyn. There was a prince of Wales by that name and also a great Welsh poet. I googled the name, but it's hard to figure, as the time frame doesn't quite fit either character. Once you get back in the 12th or 13th century, it's always a little hard to be sure of dates unless the person is famous and well researched. I almost think I'd prefer to be related to the poet. We've got more than enough royalty.

I struggled a bit with the Robert The Bruce line. MaryLou seemed get the direct line just fine, but I had an extra John Bruce that skewed everything, even though my line before the king was fine. I think I've got it right finally.

We also have connections to the early Spanish Kings as well. Once you establish connections to the Capets and Plantagenets, you end up related to half the royalty of Europe and Scandanavia.

Obviously, many of our forbears were farmers and businessmen and even peasents and thier lines taper off fairly early. Some lines don't go farther than the 17th century. Some countries are harder to find info on too, like Ireland. I did get onto a message board for the Haggerty family and noticed my cousin had been doing some of the same searches that I am, but that was in 2004. Now I need to find out whether he had ant success or not. I did pick up a tidbit about some Hagerty's in the 1600s who came to fight the English with the O'Niel's (the clan we were sept to). They even ended up with a castle, actually 2, one in Ireland and one in Austria. I doubt that it's our line though, but it's nice someone in the Haggerty clan had a castle. Anyway, I keep plugging away.

So Much Pain

I was all ready to write another post on the Welsh genealogy that I've been doing, but after reading a series of posts on my Son and Daughter-in-Laws blog, I feel the need to talk a little about pain and dealing with it.

I understand that in this life,pain is probably inevitable. How much you suffer, and how you suffer can be a choice that we each can make. My Daughter-in-Law had an extreemly painful childhood. She has endured a great deal of pain and suffering. I won't say I know what she has gone through, because I don't, and nobody else can claim to either. We have no way to get inside another person's heart and mind to see their world. I can only see from the outside. I see a person who, at some point, decided to fight against her suffering and fight to lead the life she wants. I know that she is still fighting. I see a strong woman who has so much love to give. I also see a woman who fights her demons and and doubts. I would like to let her know, that even people with good childhoods have to fight doubts and their precieved weaknesses.

I worry about my Son and his depression. I am sorry I didn't see the problem sooner. I worry about how much of his childhood contributed. I am very glad he is addressing the problem and not playing the strong silent type that so many men do.

When you are fighting depression and problems, it can be difficult to focus on what's right with the world. It can be a temptation to look at everything through a dark lense. It is very important to look for the light, for beauty and love. I used to write down at least 3 things I was grateful for every night before I went to bed. I kind of got away from that. I noticed that some days, I'd wake up and not even want to get out of bed. There wasn't anything that I could point to that was wrong, just nothing much right or worth getting up for. I decided I should remember to count my blessings, nothing formal like before. I just tried to remember a thank you when things were going right, or I was feeling happy, or something good happened, or even if something bad didn't happen. I think, that if you thank God for the things you love, He'll make sure you get more of those things.

I've lived long enough now, that things that used to bother me so much, are less important, maybe because I have tried to let some things go, to obsess less. It doesn't always work, but it's better. Maybe, I'm living such an uneventful life, nothing gets to me. Maybe I've achieved, on my own what Prosac once offered me; emotions on an even keel, no lows, but then again, not too many highs either.

New Book

I've been using this book to check my genealogy with it's charts and maps. But yesterday I decided to start reading it. It's called "Robert the Bruce, King of Scotts".It is supposed to be the definative book on Robert Bruce. It's quite readable and I am enjoying it a lot.

I've discovered that my son Robert is quite excited about his connection to Robert Bruce. When we named Bob, it was to honor an Uncle on his father's side of the family. We didn't know about the famous connection. It's been quite fun. It turns out that Robert Bruce was not Celt, but Anglo-Norman. However, he did speak Gaelic, as well as Norman French and Northern English, making him trilingual. He became Earl of Carrick through his mother, who was Countess of Carrick in her own right. From his father, he was Earl of Annandale, a holding close to Carrick.These holdings were on the south western side of Scotland. In fact, Carrick was on the Irish Sea. Robert's family also had English holdings in Essex and Midlands.

There were Scottish kings before Robert the Bruce, but they did not control the whole of Scotland. Robert's distinction was the uniting all of Scotland under one rule.

So far, I'm reading about the meschinations of England's King Edward I after the untimely death of Alexander the third, leaving only a girl child as hier because his two son's had died with no issue. The child was his daughter's child from Norway's King Eric. The Scottish nobility wanted to set up a regency of 6 men. Edward agreed if they would swear fealty to him as the more powerful king. He eventually insisted that Margaret, only 6 years old be brought to Scotland to be raised and to be married to Edward's 5 year old son. By the time she arirrived, she was ill and eventually died. Through other meschinations and intimidations, Edward put John Balliol on the Scottish throne. At this time, Robert was only in his teens, and his grandfather, Robert, the Competitor, was trying to put his own family into contention for the throne, always believing in was his family's by blood right.

It is all very interesting and I am enjoying it very much. I've always had an interest in History, especially old History, so the genealogy is a good stimulus for more study.

The Importance of Pets

As all of the family is dealing with the loss of my Son's Family's adorable Sheltie, Angel, I begin to think about all the pets I have had in my life. It seems that I've had at least one animal in my life for most of my life. There have been times, usually during mourning for a lost pet, that I have been without one, but soon, the old imperative to share my life with another animal gets too strong. I find a new pet to enlarge my life.

During my childhood, I usually lived where having pets was not a problem and I frequently had more than one at a time. We almost always had a few cats around, whether outdoors,indoors or a combination. Much of my life I slept with at least one cat, sometimes two. There seemed to always be a dog at home except when I lived in 2 different Utah Power and Light company housing, but we had cats then too. I also had parakeets and goldfish at times. I remember the piglet my Dad bought to raise for future meat. He warned me it was not a pet, but I named it anyway. When it was time to butcher him, my Dad warned me and I hid under the bed until it was all over. I did eventually manage to eat some of the meat, but not without a little twinge.

I've loved and lost quite a few pets in my lifetime. We had a black cat who was a bit of a runt, so I tried to keep it house bound. I didn't know then that you need to have them nuetered or the males keep marking their territory. Bob got very upset when Sooty urinated in his new mocasins. They were totally ruined. We finally let Sooty out into the neighborhood. He came back in the morning ruffled and dirty, but seemingly triumphant over the other cats. His penchant for fighting was finally his undoing. He finally was hurt enough that he couldn't recover, though we did have him into the Vet, he ended up with bleeding stools, indicating internal injuries. I finally took him into the Vet to be put to sleep. When Bob came home from school and I told him about Sooty, he wanted to know whether we'd do that to him if he got sick. He nearly broke my heart. He was around 7 years old, I think, and really couldn't understand why there should be a distinction between people and pets. It's very hard to explain to a little boy, especially when you're not too sure of things yourself.

It's amazing how your pets can fill up your life like they do. Yesterday, MaryLou and I went to the grocery store to get groceries and dog food for our monster dog Lady. We were out at the car, putting things in the trunk when it thundered. The first thing both of us thought of was Lady. She's afraid of thunder. Of course, we hurried home to comfort her. Like I said, they're a big part of your life. People who've never had pets can't understand how important they are to us. We who have pets can't understand those who don't have pets. We're sure they are missing something in their lives.

Painful Loses

It seems that our family has been having a streak of painful losses for the past few years. I guess that's true of many families. It just seems like it's piling up sometimes. I think that it must be an indication that we are investing love in our lives, otherwise, people and pets leaving us wouldn't be so painful.

My Son and his family are undergoing the possible loss of a beloved pet. I've been though that fairly often. Each time, I tell myself that I'll do without a pet,because it hurts so much when you lose them. It just seems so unfair that animals have so much shorter of a life span than we do.I still end up with another pet, because they give so much love and really don't ask for that much, usually.

My heart goes out to my Son and Daughter-in-Law and my Grandchildren. It is so painful, but the unconditional love you receive from a pet is priceless.

More Musings

I can't believe that I used to post nearly evey day. Now I'm lucky if I post once a week. With the weather better, and yard work to do,time is slipping away again.



I got a wonderful email from my friend Zara, who was once staff for Michele. Actually, she was much more than Staff, she was a true mentor for Michele and I was thankful to God every day for her. I still am, actually. She pops up with an email just when I need it.



Anyway, Zara was telling me about an art project she was involved with on May 9th in Sugarhouse. They had artists and dancers around a creek that goes behind businesses there. They had dancers in the trees, and bright fabric floating in the water. They used umbrellas embellished by different artists scattered about. Zara said she felt Michele's spirit there. Later, she found out that Michele's supervisor, Scott, had donated the rest of Michele's umbrella collection for the project. I'm sure Michele would have loved to see all of her umbrellas being enjoyed that day.

I have a new project. I'm keying information from old records for Ancestery.com. It's Ancestery World Project, and volunteers view the records online and with some enlarging, try to fill out the pertinent information. I've been mainly doing immigration records,which is fairly easy if it's legible. The batch I did today about put me over the edge. One of the papers I was trying to do kept appearing upside down. Really hard to read that way. I finally got it working. My accuracy has been 84%, but it's slipping down to 82% the last couple of days. Handwriting was a bit different last century. Hope my eyes hold out!

Thoughts of Time

I just had a birthday.I mentioned to someone I worked with, that I don't think I ever expected to be this age, at least not for years and years. Strangely enough, it has been years and years. That's what happens when you're not paying attention.

I was reading an essay about time recently. The author's point is that time is actually speeding up, not just our perception of it. I'm certainly aware of the perception of time passing faster. Every year seems to pass faster than one before. That's perception. However, this author discussed how many things happen in a time period, like a year or a decade, or a century, then cited how many things happen each decade or century. Things occur more rapidly now and have been speeding up at a break-neck pace with no sign of slowing down. Certainly that's been happening, but I'm not sure that proves that time is moving faster.

I know that I feel, quite frequently, that time is slipping away from me. My own life, in some ways, is slowing a bit, but everything around me seems to be in a hurry. My Aunt, people that I work with, will stop every now and then and comment, "Wow, May is more than Half over! Where did it go?"

Sometimes, I just feel time slipping away from me. Then I fret that I'm not doing all that I should, I'm not using "time" as I should. I always hear, "everyone gets the same 24 hours a day", but somehow, someone's put the clock on fast forward it seems.

After Effects

Here it is May. In fact, in 3 days, it will have been one year since my daughter Michele, left us. She's been in my mind a lot lately, in fact for the last several weeks. I was remembering how hard it was to have her hooked up to machines and tubes, when I wanted, so much, to simply hold her. She was my baby, and I could only hold her hand, or pat her foot. It was very frustrating.

I also remember that I didn't seem to dream of her, at least not that I could remember. Last month, I had dreams of her several nights in a row. In these dreams, I was able to hold her, at last. When she was alive, I sometimes dreamed of her running away getting into harmful drinks,or getting lost, and I would wake in a cold sweat, having to assure myself that she was safe. At least, she was a safe as we could make her. The dreams last month would start out like my old ones, but, in the end, she was always really safe, and I was able to hug her and hold her. Maybe, it was my subconcouise, helping me to start healing.

I guess that accepting the loss of a loved one is an ongoing thing. It still doesn't seem right to lose a child. It just seems to go against the "way of things", though it does happen often enough. I am more accepting. After all, her absence is a fact, I can't change it. I still do miss her, as I miss my parents. I guess that doesn't really change. It's life, it seems.

Flip Book

I belong to a creative crafts club, and we sometimes get the chance to test new products for companies. Recently, I tested something called a Flip Book. I had to have a digital camera and computer, and know enough to take a 30 second video, then download it to my computer. I decided to take a short video of Lady, the family dog. After I downloaded it and replayed it, I was concerned because the TV was on, so there was a lot of extraneous noise. Then there was me, trying to get Lady to look up at me. She looked at me once, saw the camera and started looking anywhere but the camera. I signed onto the company's website and followed the simple instructions to download the video to their site. Because I was testing the product, there was no charge to me,but the cost for one Flip Book is $8.99, plus shipping, total is around $11.98.

I wasn't totally sure exactly what I would be getting, but I didn't need to worry about the noise, at least. What they were testing was the process of making your video, downloading and ordering. I wrote a review for the company. This week I received my book. It's about the size of my cellphone. It's got the cover I ordered. They take your video and break it down, picture by picture. You just flip the pictures quickly, and there's your video! No power or battery to run out. You can carry it in your pocket. It's really quite fun. They also offer greeting Flips books, 4 for $19.95. I'm assuming that these are shorter versions, but haven't seen them yet. This seems to be a new company with a cute idea. Only time will tell, if it's a hit.

Royalty, That's Us.

I think that I wrote once that we were not descended from William the Conqueror, but were descended from his half brother, Richard. Richard went with William and fought in the Battle of Hastings. For his reward, he was given much land and many titles. He took the name of Earl of Clare, and the area he ruled in Ireland was names county Clare in the family's honor.

I was working on another line of our genealogy, and discovered we are descended from the first King Henry of England. He became king after his father, King William, the Conqueror. So, we are directly descended, after all. This points up a discovery I've made, in my researches. Most of the royals were related to each other at least in one line, and often, in several. The nobility seemed to want to keep the titles, the lands, and the money, as much in the family as possible. They made alliances with other families, but there was just a lot of inter-marrying.

We're also descended from Henry the second. His family was the Plantagenants, who produced many of the English Kings and Queens. Henry II wasn't the son of Henry I though, different family. Don't get excited about being related to Richard, the Lion-hearted though. He and his brothers, Prince Geoffery, and Prince John were from Eleanor of Aquitane, HenryII' wife. He set her aside, and imprisoned her in a castle in France, then took up with Rosamond, who gave him a son, in his old age named William Longsepree. He is the one who is our ancestor.

In any case, we're also related to several Scottish Kings, including Robert, the Bruce and several early French kings. I'm sure you notice, however, it doesn't do much to improve our current lives. I've always loved studying earlyhistory,so now realising there were some of my ancestors living that history,has made it seem a bit more real to me. It's fun, anyway.