I thought by now, at my age, that I'd be coasting to the finish line. Just taking things easy, having some fun along the way, my life in hand, very little angst. Guess what? It just ain't so. I guess some of us are destined to push our way to the finish line. Not that I'm expecting the finish to be right around the corner. If I had my druthers, I'd end it all in my sleep at the age of 102, having lived well and worn everything out, ready for a new life on the other side. Unfortunately, the struggle continues. Fortunately, it's not as bad as my teens, thank the Lord.
I have days when I have trouble finding anything to be thankful for. Of course, those are the days when I really need to find those things to be thankful for. After all, I'm still breathing, walking, talking, etc. I have loving family still, and friends. There's a big lumbering Dog who thinks I'm pretty great, though I'm probably 2 nd on her list, but that's okay.
My job is problamatic much of the time lately. The things I enjoyed in my job, sometimes get lost in its' demands, though a sweet child always brings a smile to my face.
Sunday, I let myself be drawn into a bit ot a political argument with a customer, that I've usually enjoyed. I really felt bad and beat myself up for the rest of the day. I get upset with myself for getting side tracked. I'd love to be perfect, but then I'd probably decide there was something wrong with that too.
You get to a point in life, when you realise you just might not make all those goals you've had. What really anoys me is that I fail to make any headway on things that I've wanted to do, it seems, all my life. You'd think that I could fix, at least, one or two things that I want to change about myself. My Son wrote about everyone being on their own path, which I firmly believe. Sometimes, though, I'm afraid that my path has gotten faint, or I've slipped off from it and I'm just wandering around. Maybe I should just enjoy the wandering for awhile,or maybe I should find a way to stop for awhile and listen for instructions.
1 comment:
We all have paths that wander around a bit---like I said, the Straits of Gibraltar are 40 miles wide at their narrowest point....you can do an awful lot of looping and turning in that kind of space.
I also like your idea a bout maybe listening to directions or consulting with a map--can't hurt (although I'm a map, I don't need no stinkin map!).
The point is, I guess, that very few people make it through to any age in their life with it being exactly how they planned it to be. I think if they have, they cheated (cheat, steal, lie, generally unethical).
I also wonder about the whole idea of happiness. I think "happiness" is a place/moment we enjoy in space/time, but it is not a continual thing nor was it ever meant to be. The happy space/times are like little gifts from God to get us through the next round of crap. Anyone who says they have attained aal of their goals and needs and are always happy are either loony, lying, or unmotivated.
Hang in there---it may not get better, but you can look for those little moment/places, capture them in your memory, and face the next crisis with a recharged battery.
Post a Comment