The Enemy Within

Most of us have beliefs that do not serve us in our lives. We accept, as truth, things that we are told as we are growing up. As children, we don't seem to have much of a judgement filter for things we're told or see until we get older, meet other ideas, have experiences. Most of us, even if we consider ourselves stable and emotionally healthy, have beliefs that don't serve us well. We often even realise that judgements we make are often not really our own, but are remnants of things we accepted, without question, in our formative years. Trying to change or discard these beliefs can be very difficult. We often don't even realise what our beliefs are most of the time. I grew up thinking I was clumsy, because my Father told me so. It took me quite a few years to find out, I was no different than other people, I could be graceful, as well as clumsy. I wasn't cursed.

For children who undergo trauma and pain at a young age, who are told they are not deserving of happiness or given other beliefs about the world they are raised in, life can be a constant struggle to believe in their worthyness, their right to be happy. That's because they harbor a part of those beliefs within their minds, like an enemy. Often, despite "knowing"in their heads that they are worthy, that remnant of belief crops up, trying to assert itself. Allowing themselves to enjoy life and have a wonderful time, might trigger the belief that they are unworthy to enjoy themselves. They end up having to fight those feelings of depression and unworthyness again.

It's easy for someone who had a relatively happy childhood, to tell someone they just need to love themselves more. Unfortunately, that misses the point, that this child was never given love enough to learn to love themselves. I don't have answers for how to remove those false beliefs. I have enough of my own that rear their ugly heads when I least want them. I've heard that we should just let go of the beliefs that hold you back. Nobody seems to be real certain how to do that letting go. I suspect that those old beliefs need to be replaced by better ones, otherwise, there's a hole in your mind, but I don't really have answers.