So Much Pain

I was all ready to write another post on the Welsh genealogy that I've been doing, but after reading a series of posts on my Son and Daughter-in-Laws blog, I feel the need to talk a little about pain and dealing with it.

I understand that in this life,pain is probably inevitable. How much you suffer, and how you suffer can be a choice that we each can make. My Daughter-in-Law had an extreemly painful childhood. She has endured a great deal of pain and suffering. I won't say I know what she has gone through, because I don't, and nobody else can claim to either. We have no way to get inside another person's heart and mind to see their world. I can only see from the outside. I see a person who, at some point, decided to fight against her suffering and fight to lead the life she wants. I know that she is still fighting. I see a strong woman who has so much love to give. I also see a woman who fights her demons and and doubts. I would like to let her know, that even people with good childhoods have to fight doubts and their precieved weaknesses.

I worry about my Son and his depression. I am sorry I didn't see the problem sooner. I worry about how much of his childhood contributed. I am very glad he is addressing the problem and not playing the strong silent type that so many men do.

When you are fighting depression and problems, it can be difficult to focus on what's right with the world. It can be a temptation to look at everything through a dark lense. It is very important to look for the light, for beauty and love. I used to write down at least 3 things I was grateful for every night before I went to bed. I kind of got away from that. I noticed that some days, I'd wake up and not even want to get out of bed. There wasn't anything that I could point to that was wrong, just nothing much right or worth getting up for. I decided I should remember to count my blessings, nothing formal like before. I just tried to remember a thank you when things were going right, or I was feeling happy, or something good happened, or even if something bad didn't happen. I think, that if you thank God for the things you love, He'll make sure you get more of those things.

I've lived long enough now, that things that used to bother me so much, are less important, maybe because I have tried to let some things go, to obsess less. It doesn't always work, but it's better. Maybe, I'm living such an uneventful life, nothing gets to me. Maybe I've achieved, on my own what Prosac once offered me; emotions on an even keel, no lows, but then again, not too many highs either.