Sunday, May 31, 2009

Painful Loses

It seems that our family has been having a streak of painful losses for the past few years. I guess that's true of many families. It just seems like it's piling up sometimes. I think that it must be an indication that we are investing love in our lives, otherwise, people and pets leaving us wouldn't be so painful.

My Son and his family are undergoing the possible loss of a beloved pet. I've been though that fairly often. Each time, I tell myself that I'll do without a pet,because it hurts so much when you lose them. It just seems so unfair that animals have so much shorter of a life span than we do.I still end up with another pet, because they give so much love and really don't ask for that much, usually.

My heart goes out to my Son and Daughter-in-Law and my Grandchildren. It is so painful, but the unconditional love you receive from a pet is priceless.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

More Musings

I can't believe that I used to post nearly evey day. Now I'm lucky if I post once a week. With the weather better, and yard work to do,time is slipping away again.



I got a wonderful email from my friend Zara, who was once staff for Michele. Actually, she was much more than Staff, she was a true mentor for Michele and I was thankful to God every day for her. I still am, actually. She pops up with an email just when I need it.



Anyway, Zara was telling me about an art project she was involved with on May 9th in Sugarhouse. They had artists and dancers around a creek that goes behind businesses there. They had dancers in the trees, and bright fabric floating in the water. They used umbrellas embellished by different artists scattered about. Zara said she felt Michele's spirit there. Later, she found out that Michele's supervisor, Scott, had donated the rest of Michele's umbrella collection for the project. I'm sure Michele would have loved to see all of her umbrellas being enjoyed that day.

I have a new project. I'm keying information from old records for Ancestery.com. It's Ancestery World Project, and volunteers view the records online and with some enlarging, try to fill out the pertinent information. I've been mainly doing immigration records,which is fairly easy if it's legible. The batch I did today about put me over the edge. One of the papers I was trying to do kept appearing upside down. Really hard to read that way. I finally got it working. My accuracy has been 84%, but it's slipping down to 82% the last couple of days. Handwriting was a bit different last century. Hope my eyes hold out!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Thoughts of Time

I just had a birthday.I mentioned to someone I worked with, that I don't think I ever expected to be this age, at least not for years and years. Strangely enough, it has been years and years. That's what happens when you're not paying attention.

I was reading an essay about time recently. The author's point is that time is actually speeding up, not just our perception of it. I'm certainly aware of the perception of time passing faster. Every year seems to pass faster than one before. That's perception. However, this author discussed how many things happen in a time period, like a year or a decade, or a century, then cited how many things happen each decade or century. Things occur more rapidly now and have been speeding up at a break-neck pace with no sign of slowing down. Certainly that's been happening, but I'm not sure that proves that time is moving faster.

I know that I feel, quite frequently, that time is slipping away from me. My own life, in some ways, is slowing a bit, but everything around me seems to be in a hurry. My Aunt, people that I work with, will stop every now and then and comment, "Wow, May is more than Half over! Where did it go?"

Sometimes, I just feel time slipping away from me. Then I fret that I'm not doing all that I should, I'm not using "time" as I should. I always hear, "everyone gets the same 24 hours a day", but somehow, someone's put the clock on fast forward it seems.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

After Effects

Here it is May. In fact, in 3 days, it will have been one year since my daughter Michele, left us. She's been in my mind a lot lately, in fact for the last several weeks. I was remembering how hard it was to have her hooked up to machines and tubes, when I wanted, so much, to simply hold her. She was my baby, and I could only hold her hand, or pat her foot. It was very frustrating.

I also remember that I didn't seem to dream of her, at least not that I could remember. Last month, I had dreams of her several nights in a row. In these dreams, I was able to hold her, at last. When she was alive, I sometimes dreamed of her running away getting into harmful drinks,or getting lost, and I would wake in a cold sweat, having to assure myself that she was safe. At least, she was a safe as we could make her. The dreams last month would start out like my old ones, but, in the end, she was always really safe, and I was able to hug her and hold her. Maybe, it was my subconcouise, helping me to start healing.

I guess that accepting the loss of a loved one is an ongoing thing. It still doesn't seem right to lose a child. It just seems to go against the "way of things", though it does happen often enough. I am more accepting. After all, her absence is a fact, I can't change it. I still do miss her, as I miss my parents. I guess that doesn't really change. It's life, it seems.