Negative Programming

Have you ever noticed yourself getting stuck in a negative thinking loop,where you keeping going over some mistake that you made or some hurtful remark soneone has made to you or about you? You just keep thinking of what you should have done or said that was better than what you actually did or said. It's like a part of you thinks you can change the past if only you keep thinking about it. You even realise that trying to change something that has already happened is a really crazy idea, but you keep doing it.
I've spent the past 2 and 1/2 days doing just that, knowing the futility, knowing that the smart thing to do is take what you've learned from the experience, then let it go. I know that letting go can be a little hard sometimes, but you just need to be persistant.
I don't usually hold on to something quite that long and I was upset with myself for doing it this time. I really let an incident at work almost throw me into a major depression. I guess since my private life is so unstable right now, it really bothered me to have my work life upset too, especially since it had been going pretty well.
I'm pulling myself out of my funk by focusing on the fact that there's no one single event that defines me unless I allow it to. We are more than single events or criticisms. We are more than our looks and more than any single deed that we may do, and we are all loved by God,just for existing.

The Joys and Pain of Blogging

I have another blog on a paid host. I paid for 2 years of hosting as I was hoping to achieve some financial returns on that blog. Now, I'm unable to access it due to possible problems that my host server is having. This is very frustrating to me. I actually have some people who read that blog and I assume they're not able to access it either.
Still, I can always seem to access my Blogger blog, so I can exercise my need to write something even though there may be nobody reading it. Oh well, Life isn't usually perfect.
I have read theories that we create our own reality, and I believe that we do. No 2 persons experience reality the same, it's always filtered through our own viewpoints. Maybe if we envision a "perfect" reality, it will be perfect, though different from someone else's perfection. Maybe we all ought to compare notes and figure out what we're really doing with reality.

Acceptance

One of my favorite prayers goes some thing like --God give me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference. I don't have it quite right, but it's known as the Serenity Prayer. It is really hard to know the difference, whether we should be butting our heads against a wall trying to change something we should be learning to accept, or if we're accepting something that could really be changed.

I think that if we're upset or irritated about some person's personality quirk or behavior, we might be better off accepting that person as he/she is or keeping away from them if possible. Sometimes a person that just drives you up a wall is a person that you work with or is otherwise pretty hard to keep away from. This person may be in your life for a purpose, to teach you something you need to learn and if you manage to keep away from them, someone else will show up that's even more irritating. Perhaps it's best to learn the lesson, then move on.

Winter Time

Here it is, just ending the first week of January and I'm ready for spring. I know, it's not gonna happen. I'm just so cold! I realise that I spent much of the summer bitching about the heat and now I'm bitching about the cold. I guess I don't do well in extremes. I'm actually okay when it's cold, even quite cold, as long as it isn't windy. The wind just cuts through any coat I've got. It blows around my neck and up from the bottom of the coat and makes me shiver. If there's snow blowing too, I really want to burrow at home under blankets with a hot cup of tea and a good book. Maybe if I practised some kind of winter sport it would help my attitude. I've thought of snowshoeing since I don't like heights and riding on a ski lift. I used to ice skate, but I'd probably wear out my butt. Oh well, spring's only a few months away right?

An Insirational Video

I get a newsletter from the owner on Images of One site. He has produced a feel good video that is free to view with no sales pitches. It has nice music, beautiful pictures, and inspirational quotes. The address http://www.imagesofone.com/fg/ Give it a look.

The Holidays are Over

The Holidays are over,at least that's what the calendar says. However, my decorations are still up. An extra job for the week, I guess.

It was a little different Christmas this year. It was quiet, not like last year when we were in mourning for Mom, but more because of reduced expectations. Several of the family members have experienced some financial problems and reversals, so we didn't do much in the way of gift giving. I did try to keep things more like normal for my handicapped daughter. I wasn't sure she'd understand no gifts. Still, she's not demanding; an umbrella, chocolate, bubblebath and a bag of coffee beans and she's pretty much happy.

I had my Aunts to a potluck dinner with my daughter and me. The day was pretty sunny and very enjoyable. We all missed my son, his wife and 3 children. We've not spent Christmas with them for awhile. Hopefully, next year we can see them.

Anyway, it's plain to me that a good Holiday doesn't require lots of gifts and fancy decorations, just being with the people you love.

Late For Christmas

Well, as usual, I'm late dealing with Christmas. I am not doing much gift giving this year due to being poorer this year, but what little I'm doing is done. I still don't have any decorations up, not even a wreath on the door. The problem is that, living in a condo with limited storage, everything is in my storage unit. I just haven't gotten there yet......today for sure.

I got out of the habit of decorating for awhile because we always went to Washington to be with my Son's family. The last few years have seen us home for the Holidays due to my Mom's illness and last year,her passing away. This year will see us home again due to the fore mentioned poverty. Since I'm going to be moving soon, it seems easier to forgo decorating, but I will probably put my small tree up anyway.

The most important thing for Christmas is a loving family and friends and remembrance of the meaning of the Holiday and I've got that covered.

The Power of Love

Have you ever noticed how much hate there is in the world? If you spend much time watching TV News or reading the newspapers you have. There seems no end to the hate that people feel. The seem to hate those that are not like them or their group. They hate people who are the wrong color or the wrong religion or those who speak a different language. Even people with the same catagory of religion, like Islam, hate each other if one is Sunni and one is Shia. Christian religions are just as bad. I live in Utah where the predominant religion is Mormanism. The Baptists have protests at the Mormon's semi-annual conferences and say the Mormans are not Christians.As near as I can figure it out, it's because of a disaggreement over what constitutes the "Godhead".

My theory is that people hate what they fear. They fear the "other",that which is not me or mine.What if I'm changed by assocciating with the "other" and my people don't recognise me anymore. What if being "gay" is catching?

I once heard that the opposite of love is not hate,but fear. That really made sense to me. So what if we combat hate, which is really fear, with love. Sometimes it's really hard to understand the "other" because we really are quite different, with many different experiences and traditions. Maybe we could agree to be different and accept those differences that we can, then look for samenesses. There has to be ways we're the same given we're both human. Maybe then we could work to love that sameness about the other and eventually,if not love the differences, at least give them some respect.

It's not likely that we'll get world peace tomorrow, but maybe we could make some peace in the office or nieghborhood to start, work on the world later, if it's still around.

Busy, Busy

It seems that I'm forever too busy to post anything. I'm working full time until after the holidays, so that takes care of 5 days a week. Some nights I am just too tired to do anything but sit in front of the tube. If that keeps up I'll vegetate! We've been listening to Christmas Caroles since Thanksgiving and there are some I'm heartily sick of and there's 3 weeks to go. I generally love Christmas music, but so much of what you get on the radio gets really old really quick.I could really get to hate "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" and "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree". Most of the time, I enjoy my job. I get to be a little creative and I get to feed people fun foods, especially around the Holidays. Still, it's a little disconcerting to find out that there are adults around that don't seem to remember that stoves are hot and you shouldn't grab something from a pan that's just come out of the oven. I guess they just get caught up in the moment, afraid they won't get their turn. Did I mention these are adults? Oh well, we're all kids at heart.

Gratitude Day

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day or as I like to call it, Gratitude Day. One of the things I was grateful for is that I didn't cook this year. Although I generally enjoy cooking the Thanksgiving meal, it was nice not to this year. My job often entails cooking and serving food demos, so it was a nice break. The weather forcasters were predicting rain mixed with snow and we were driving about 40 miles. I'm grateful that the sun came out and we had a perfectly lovely drive.The gratitude didn't stop today either. The company that I work for is grateful for we employees hard work in dealing with a successful grand opening for our new store and at the same time working hard to make holiday sales soar.They are providing our lunches for three days to thank us. Just think! the more you are grateful for things, the more the Universe provides. What a nice arrangement!

Some Observations

Did you ever notice that the harder you work and stress to fix a problem,the slower your progress gets? Maybe this does'nt happen to everyone, but it seems like the more I stress about something, the less efficient I get. I'm talking about negative stress here, the kind that gives "fight or fright" ir's name. When I get this way, I find that taking a break and relaxing can sometimes get things back on track. Sometimes it takes more than a break, it takes getting away from the problem completely for a day or two, just to hopefully, get a new perspective.

Of course there's the positive stress of being excited and turned on by a project.That's a whole different thing. Usually, the problem here is stopping long enough to relax and get some rest. If you get over-tired, you may find that stress going to the wrong kind and spoiling the "high" you got over the new project.

Most of the time, I'm just doing my job, trying to do my best work and feel good about it. I can hopefully do that without getting tired and/or discouraged enough to bring on the bad stress.

Looking Forward to Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is only 8 days away. It's a Holiday that most of us enjoy, but seems to get lost in the shuffle on a comercial level-except for grocery stores. My handicapped daughter loves Halloween, but this year she put all her Halloween decorations away a day early and started talking about "Turkey Day".(her term). She even forgot that her birthday was the week before Thanksgiving until I reminded her. I'm not sure what excites her, the food, the preparations, but mainly the traditions. She really gets insistant about traditions and it can be perilous to make changes without making sure you discuss it with her. I like Thanksgiving, the family together, at least as much as possible. I enjoy watching the Christmas parades on TV. This year, instead of pumpkin pie, we're haveing pumpkin cheesecake. I believe that we should practise thanksgiving every day of the year, not the eating, but the gratitude. Every single day of our lives there is something to be thankful for, even if it's just waking up still breathing in the morning. Most of us can find multiple blessings to count every single day, we just need to be aware of our lives. I try to think of "gratitudes" every night before sleep. It's great for your perspective!

A New Day?

Just a couple of things today. First, sorrow at the death of Ed Braddley, a reporter of honesty and integrity. He will be missed!
About the election results. Finally, the American People remembered that we have the power to change things if we'll only use it. Hopefully, the Democrats realise that the vote was more of a vote against the Republicans and less a vote of confidence for the Dems. Now it's up to the Democrats to show what they can do and to lead, not just occupy space or play political games. Hopefully, they can build some bipartisan bridges and actually get some work done.

Serving Pizza

Yesterday, in my demo job, it was time to sell pizzas. we sell a very nice, freshly made "take and bake" pizza, at a very good price. My job was to bake pizzas, cut them into sample pieces and distribute them to customers with the goal of selling a lot.
These are 16 inch pizzas and we cut them into good sized squares( 2 to 3 inches). We usually do this on Saturdays when people are interested in a good, quick meal for the weekend. Usually the whole family comes into the store as well. This was my first time doing the pizza demo. I knew it was popular, but WOW! It is amazing how fast you can go through a 16 inch pizza! I'd take one pizza out of the oven, put another in for 15 minutes and think I would be back to the oven in that much time. I found that I frequently went through a pizza in 5 to 7 minutes, including the cutting. I could come out of the kitchen, go to my table and start cutting and there'd be no one there. It only took a couple of minutes before the scent of hot pizza would have people waiting in line. Amazing! It was kind of fun being the most popular lady around for a few minutes at a time. It's also fun having a product be so appreciated. Needless to say, we sold lots.

Members of the Family

I just heard news from my Daughter-in-Law that thier little Shelty, Angel is ill, possibly seriously. My grandchildren are understandably upset. For that matter, so am I. Angel is a very sweet dog and has been in my extended family for several years. My Aunt's dog, Lady, got a severe spider bite last month and has been recovering. I had to put my Siamese cat to sleep a couple of years ago and I still miss her. I have had many pets in my lifetime, both dogs and cats and even a bird or two. Every one of them has been missed. Every one of them had a place in my life and family. Sometimes, losing a pet hurts so much, you vow, "Never again", but eventually, the loss eases, and you try again. Pets add so much to our lives and they really ask so little for all the love they give us. Meanwhile, my heart goes out to my Grandchildren and thier parents and I'll say a little prayer for Angel.

If You're Unsure or Don't Know-Google It!

Well, it's pretty sad, but I guess I don't get $160,000 after all. I did a lot of resarch on Google and I guess my lottery win is a veriation of the Nigerian scam. I knew I hadn't bought a lottery ticket, especially in the Netherlands. Oh well, It was fun to think of what I'd do with the money. It never hurts to dream a little either. Just don't put yourself in danger of losing money you can't afford or getting your identity stolen. It pays to not let greed blind you. When something seems to good to bet rue, it usually is.
We had a really beautiful day in Salt Lake City today. Blue sky just that slightly lighter shade that it gets when the air starts to cool off. There were some puffy clouds and new snow on the mountain tops. It was a little cool, a sweater felt good in the morning, but the sun was nice and bright in the afternoon. If you practise appreciation, life gets very good.

Is It a Scam?

A few days ago I recieved a check in the mail for close to 2 thousand dollars. It looked real and was issued by a bank that is real on the account of a company that is a real company. It has my name and address on it. Do I cash it? The problem is with the letter that came with it. It seems that I am the partial winner of a lottery prize drawn in the Netherlands. Unfortunately, I never purchased said lottery ticket. I used to buy Canadian Lottery tickets quite a few years ago,even won a couple a very small amounts, but I never, to my knowledge played the lottery in the Netherlands. The amount of the win quoted is pretty substantial and I could really use the money, but still, I'm very skeptical. I've done some research on line, some looked okay, other things looked scary. My choices are to just ignore the whole thing,but what if I lose the chance at some real finacial help? The other choice is to call the phone number included and hope it's not a scam to get my bank account number or participate unknowingly in some money laudering scheme. I've got about 3 days to decide. Scary!

Where is America Heading?

I've been concerned for quite some time about America's future, but I've always felt that "we the people" would keep things on track in the long run. I still have hopes for that. But at the moment, I'm concerned that we aren't paying enough attention to what has been going on. Going to war for the wrong reasons and being lied to about it is bad. Incompetance in the government is not unheard of, though not quite at the level of today. Cronyism, certainly is not new. But now, the Bush Administration,along with a compliant Congress has gotten rid of habeas corpus, just to protect themselves from past deeds and allow the President huge powers over prisoners he considers terrorist. There does'nt seem to be enough outcry on this.
It really seems that the quality of our leaders is going down hill.You'd think that the old saying, "cream rises to the top" would mean that the brightest and most honorable people would rise to become leaders. Look what we've got! I certainly don't count the bulk of Congress the "cream of the crop"! I guess since we elected them, maybe we deserve them, but there's got to be better people out there. We need to figure out how to get them to serve their country, while we've still got the freedoms we have.

Is Violence Our First Option to Solve Problems?

I'm sure many of us are apalled at the violence committed in schools lately. It seems that the innocent and available make good targets. Today I was reading the Letters to the Editor section in the Salt Lake Tribune and I came upon a letter written by a woman from a small town south of here. She said we shouldn't be surprised by people using guns to kill to try to solve thier problems. That seems to be the way Americans handle problems and grief lately. We were attacked by a small group of terrorists who killed nearly 3000 people. Did we get international police units to catch the perpetrators? No, we attacked another soverign country, destroying it's arguably cruel government,killing many others and still didn't kill or capture the mastermind. Then before that project was done, we invaded another soverign country, with a nasty dictator whom we had previously supported, and destroyed that government,telling the people they had to form a government of our chosing.How arrogant is that?. Our children and teens spend hours playing video games using guns to wipe out imaginary people, but does that deaden thier sensabilities? We watch movies that glorify violence and "might makes right" themes. Our young boys join gangs where shooting someone is a right of passage. I'm just paraphrasing her letter here and much of my own opinion is here. Her last paragraph though is very meaningful. She says of Americans, "We are better than that" and hopefully, she's right. Hopefully, we can reclaim our humanity and some civilised behavior. As she mentions, if the shooter in Colorado had been armed with a ballbat, the outcome could have been different.

The Perils of Sore Feet!

You know the old saying,"When your feet hurt, you hurt all over"? Well it is absolutely true! On my new job, I'm on my feet the whole shift except for breaks and lunch. Most of that time is just standing in one place on cement floors. It's actually a relief when I have to run back to the kitchen for something, or walk a little ways to show a customer where a product is. I'm amazed at people older than me and doing better than I am. Granted, they've been doing it longer. I've had blisters on both feet, I've tried gel inserts in my shoes, still I'm in pain most of the day and go home to soak my feet in hot water. This is what I get for all the years sitting at a desk. I even remember wishing I could work standing up at my computer. Maybe I'm getting my wish now. Hopefully, my feet will get stronger, or more calused. Maybe I'll get used to it or learn how to ignore my feet. Maybe I should just pretend I don't have any feet while I'm at work. Who knows, mind or matter might work.