Back At Work

Last week I had a meeting to prove I'm legal to work in the U.S.That's pretty standard these days.I had an orientation day, then I volunteered to go in on Saturday to clean demo carts and the kitchen and go through supplies and put them away. There were enough of us that it didn't take long.

It's comfortable to be in the same store with many of the same people, but there are some differences that are a bit uncomfortable. Strickly speaking, we don't use the employee break room, as we aren't Sam's Club employees. It's okay, as there's always the cafe area for food and somewhere to sit. I may have to do some changes for lunch time though, like getting an ice pack for my lunch, though for awhile I'll probably get food at the cafe. So far, they haven't put lockers for us in the kitchen area.

The reliance on my computer for schedules and such, including my work time,is different, but I'll get used to it. I tried doing a "call back" on one of my online learning programs.I'm not sure I did it right or not. Each day we work, we have to verify our time and break time, as well as answer surveys questions about our demo. It needs to be done by the end of the day if we want to be paid for that day.

We have 22 demo people, though not everyone has thier paperwork complete. There's supposed to be 2 team leads, which I thought were already set, but our supervisor told us she has to choose them. She thinks she'll start with one first. Who knows, maybe I'll get to be one, though I have a co-worker who is really interested to do it. I guess we'll see.

New, Old Job

I'm going to be going back to work in March. It's a new job, but still the old job. I'll be doing demos again under a new company with a new name. I'll be "an event specialist".I will be working at the same store. Oh, and Yeah, for less money, but not as much less than I was afraid. Since the parent company is based in So.Cal, we'll be doing all our paperwork on the computer. I don't mind that, but it has left out a few of my old co-workers who don't have computers. I'm also working with only a few of my old co-workers since some will be going to other stores.Looks like I'll be getting to know some other people. That can be fun.

By the time I'm back to working, I will have had 5 weeks off. Too bad I haven't made good use of the time. I've let my frustrations and worries allow me to spend way too much time spinning my wheels. I've also spent time worrying about family members,even though I can't really do much for them but have faith in thier  strength and good sense to get through the big life changes they are going through.They are bright, loving people. They willall get through this crisis.

Another worry has been my 84 yr old Uncle falling and injuring his back. He's temporarily in a nursing home for therapyto get him mobile again. It's really tough on him because he's used to living alone and doing things his own way.Now he's got others making his decisions. Hopefully, he'll get well enough to go home again, even if he needs some home care.

Frustration

I'm still waiting for follow up from a job interview last week. It's been 5 days and my understanding was that I would hear within a couple of days. It's supposed to come through the computer, but mine is acting so slow and decrepit, that I'm wondering if that's the problem. If I don't hear soon, I'll  call or email or something.

This is all part and parcel of the feelings I've been having lately. I feel as if I'm invisible. It's sometimes like I'm on the outside, looking in at the rest of the world. It's probably all in my own head anyway. This won't be read by anyone, but it helps to write my frustration down,I guess.

Strange Days

I've been on my computer for hours every day this week. I wish I could say that it's all been productive time, but I can't say that. I've spent a fair amount of time playing games on Facebook. I have been doing research into what jobs are available in my area. I have put in online applications. Some of them take quite a bit of time. Some have you doing cute little tests that have you wondering what they really want. One of my friends who was laid off when I was told me she applied to be a dog washer at a pet store and had to take a psychological test that took her nearly an hour. I guess they don't want someone who might traumatise the dogs. After all, bath time can be stressful for some dogs!

I feel like I am not accomplishing much. I've hardly been out of the house. I did go to the post office one day, then to the store to buy fresh veggies as I had a yen for them. I just really feel at loose ends right now. I'm trying to figure out my best options. I'm not really in panic mode just yet. It's not as if I haven't been in this situation before. I guess it helps that I'm not looking for a big new career. I just want to keep clothes on my back and food on the table and have a little money to set aside. I figure all will be well, one way or another. We all make plans for how we want our world to be, but it's best not to get too many details planned, because the Universe will do what it thinks is best.

Here We Go Again

I guess it's a sign of the times that I'm out of a job again. In 2004 I was "downsized" by the airline I was working for. They closed several reservation centers, mine included. They did give us a chance to transfer to other centers in other states. Unfortunately, I had my Mother, who was in end-stage renal failure living with me. Of course dialysis is available all over, but things were complicated by having a handicapped daughter in a group home that expected to see Mom every other week. Ultimately, I took the early retirement package. I tried to find another job, but needed night shifts which were not available. I spent the next 2 years caring for Mom. I never regretted the descion.

Now, the present. I have been working part time for Sam's Club as a demo associate. It has been a fairly enjoyable job. I've loved my co-workers and most of our members. The commute has been long and not too fun in bad weather, plus my car is now 12 years old. It gets very good gas mileage, but maintainance could get to be a problem soon. In any case, for now, I don't have to worry about the commute. Walmart has decided to restructure their demo program, They have been one of the few stores that have hired their own demo people. It has worked for quite awhile. However, due to the general state of the economy, the program has become too expensive and not producing enough. Management has decided to use a third party company to run their demo events, so, as of 2/5 I am unemployed again. Even though we're being paid, we aren't actually working. I guess they're getting set for the change over.

It's very hard to have to tell people you have enjoyed working with good-bye. It's also a pain to go through job searching again. I have applied to the company that's going to be doing Sam's demos. Still, it keeps me in the commute mode, so I can't decide how I feel about that yet. I will try to find something closer to home, of course, but prospects aren't all that great just now. I don't really make enough on social security to stay home and sponge off my Aunt. I also need to get out in the world occaisionally too.

This is not fun, but there are plenty of others going through similar and worse times right now. I still consider myself pretty lucky anyway. I think that reinventing yourself is becoming a national passtime.

Difficult Times

My Son and his family is going through some very hard times right now. It's been going on for sometime, but seems to be reaching new hieghts of pain. There is anger and fear within the family, and of course, the other companion, blame.  It's hard to sit on the sidelines from far away and not know whether I can help, or even if I should help. After all, my Son and his wife are grown ups and have been for quite a long time. Even one of my Grandchildren is grown and another one getting close to, at least a legal age.  I'm not sure how much age has to do with anything anyway, except for experience,

All I know is that my heart aches for all of them for what they are going through.  It seems odd that you can live life fairly well for quite some years, then all hell breaks loose. I know the last dozen years of my life have been somewhat troublesome what with a divorce, taking care of my Mom at the end of her life, then a bankruptcy that has totally rearranged my life. Just when I thought the worst was over, my Daughter died. The really frustrating part, is that it seems to be spreading to my Son and Family and they seem to be doing all the painful things at once.

I'm not qualified to make their decisions for them, only they can do that. I also know that they are afraid of the future,  but are trying to meet it and make it work. I know it seems trite to say that there are opportunities in every challenge and heartbreak, but it can be true if you can just hold on. My hopes and prayers are with them all right now.

Looking at this post now, it looks very inadequate. Maybe I'm just trying to get my thoughts down.

Golden Globes....Avatar Won!

I watched the Golden Globe Awards last night. I don't usually have the patience to sit through the whole thing, but this year I did. I wanted to know if Avatar would win the best picture award, and it did! James Cameron also won best director as well. Someone made a comment in the morning paper, that Cameron's onlt made 2 pictures in 10 years, and won best director and picture for both. However, he hasn't been just sitting around for 10 years. In the acceptance speeches, last night, it was mentioned that it took over 4 years to make Avatar. That's the actual process of making the film. I'm sure James Cameron spent a lot of time creating the idea and story before he was finally able to work out the actual technology of putting it on film.

Anyway, I'm glad that the film was made, and enjoyed it immensely!

Distances

I thought I'd write a quick post before I leave for work. Life can be a little strange. I should be used to having my Son and his family living 2 states away by now, but I sometimes feel so disconnected. Of course, the disconnect is more than distance. There are some changes going on with them that cause them to disconnect too. It still is painful, not knowing how they are doing, if they are okay or not.

I got on Facebook last year as a way to stay a little more connected to them. It worked pretty well for awhile, but I am at the mercy of whether they decide to post or not.Even when they do post, it doesn't have much info. That's because it is a public forum. I know I'm usually a bit circumspect about what I post. Frankly, I mainly play games.

I do read posts from my Daughter-in-Law most days, and I'm grateful for that. there are occaisional posts from my Grandchildren, who are busy with school and all. However, my Son seems to have disappeared. There have been not posts or comments for a couple of weeks. This gets to be scary! Maybe he is no longer an online presence? I guess I need to get on the phone, though I worry about being a nosy Mom.

Well, It's time for my work commute, how fun.

Avatar

I saw "Avatar" yesterday. What a wonderful movie! My expectations were quite high, but the movie surpassed them! We saw it in the 3Dof course, well worth the extra 3 bucks. I think I would enjoy seeing it again, even with the 3 hour length, it didn't seem long. It was such a beautiful movie. The movie critic from The Salt Lake Tribune was very complimentary about the beauty and the technique. He also felt the plot was predictable. While it's true, the plot was prdictable, it's because the plot is a classic "quest of the chosen one." It's like an archetypical story within man's racial memory. That's why, even with the predictability, it draws us in. In fact, if it got too far from the pridictable course, people would have been disappointed.

The title, Avatar, is because the only way humans can live and work on the moon, Pandora, is to live through an Avatar, a being created artificially from Pandoran dna and the dna from the person who is running the avatar. Humans can't even breathe the atmosphere and only survive within their base or within their machines. They are on Pandora, basically to strip it of a natural resource that will produce huge amounts of energy for Earth. It's implied that Earth has used up it's own resources. At one point, when the protagonist, Jacob, is praying to the Pandoran diety,he states that where he comes from, there is no green, that humans have killed their "mother", alluding to Gaia, our own mother earth.

Pandora is not an easy place to live, the natives must be strong and brave, there is always something that can kill you. The world's life forms live in balance  and the world teems with beautiful life. The scientific team, who taught the natives English and developed the avatar program is run by Dr Augustine, played by Sigourney Weaver. She believes there is an energy on the planet that connects the trees and life forms. She's a scientist, so she doesn't actually believe that Pandora is alive in any other form but the way viable planets are alive, but my feeling was that Pandora was sentient, in a way.

The Pandoras are very large, they make humans look like children, small ones at that. They have blue skin that sparkles in the dark. They are tall and lean and strong with tails and have a long braid that protects a sensory organ that allows them to communicate with the animals that they bond with, as well as with the sacred tree.

The humans are not our best specimens. There are those with open minds and hearts who see Pandora's beauty, but they are few. The leader is a typical corporate leader, beholden to the company brass and the stock holders, though even he becomes concerned about the lengths the military will go to remove the Pandorans from the area the company wants to mine. The security head is good to his men, at least when they obey orders, but he concludes that the Pandorans are not technalogical, therefore, not worth saving.
The sad thing is, that I can see much of the behaviors and ethics of our own society that can be extrapolated with time and greater technological advancement, especially in the ways of conquest and war to be capable of doing such things. Still, a very enjoyable 3 hours!

A New Year

I love New Year's Eve. To me, it's a time to review the last year and how I'm doing in life. While there are always things I'm not particularly pleased about or proud of, there are always some good things to remember too. Then there's New Years's Day. It's like the Universe has given us another chance, a clean slate to draw upon. While there are always things you can't control,  you still have control over your own choices. You can plan what you want your new year to be. That doesn't mean there won't be outside forces that may mess up your plans, but how you relate to those challenges is still up to you.

I saw the "blue moon" this morning! It was down close to the western horizon and it was huge and bright. It was just beautiful! I tried to get a picture, but it was still a bit dark. Oh well, it's still in my memory.

I called in sick today. That's the first time in quite awhile. I felt bad about it, but I really felt bad physically, sort of like I'd been run over by a tank. My sinuses were so full, my eyeballs were looking for space. My ears are full as well. It's not fun, but temporary. Hopefully,it will be short lived.

To anyone reading this, Happy New Year! May 2010 be a wonderful year for us all!

Cold and Colds

It's snowing again, lightly. It's cold but maybe just slightly warmer than it has been. We've had such a cold December that I'm ready to put on long-johns. It's been very cold at work, more sowhen I'm working near the freezers or in the meat department. We have big people sized ovens in the bakery so we can bake big quantities. Sometimes I'd love to just walk in after a batch has been baked, just to warm up a little! The weather reports suggests that we may be getting closer to normal in the next few days,which is 36 degrees. I don't think we've even seen  32 degrees for 2 or 3 weeks.

I also have a cold. It's not too terribly bad, but not too much fun either. I keep working because we have to get any demos ordered for 2009 done by tomorrow. Still, I'm not really excited by tomorrow. We've been having so many traffic accidents when it snows because people just can't seem to slow down. They forget that when the temperature is in the teens, the snow is going to freeze when it hits the ground. When it snows, we've been getting 150 accidents a day. You'd think by now, people would figure out that they're doing something wrong.  Unfortunately,winter has at least 2 months more to go.

Another Year Nearly Gone

It's hard to believe that we're almost through with another year. Actually. we're on the brink of a new decade! It seems like just a while ago that everyone was stressing about the new millenium and whether all the computers would crash when the date changed to 2000.  Now here we are, about to finish the "ought" decade. No more 01s or 03s. We're going into 2010.

I was reading one of my favorite op-ed columnests this morning. He suggested that we call this last decade the zero  decade since that was pretty much the extent of any kind of progress we Americans have made, on any front. I have to admit, I think he's right. We are seeming to be unable to learn from our mistakes and keep repeating them, expecting that "this time" it will come out right. Isn't that the definition of insanity?

I keep trying to think if I'm learning anything myself. I hope so, but sometimes I'm not too sure. After Christmas, I thought that the holiday was a celebration of love. God gave us his Son, to show His total Love for His Creations. The least we can do, other than love Him back, is to love one another, each of us, whether lovable or not.

I'm not sure whether to make any New Year's resolutions. I usually break them and make the same ones every year. This year, I think I'll put "gratitude" at the top of my list. It's amasing how being grateful can help your outlook on life. Even if the only thing you can find to be grateful for is being alive and breathing, that's a pretty big deal. Maybe you can only be glad that you didn't fall out of bed or that you've got something to eat for breakfast, even though it might not be what you quite wanted. You can still be grateful you're not going to starve today. Some days it can be hard to find something to be grateful for, but the more you practise, the more you'll find to be grateful for. If you can only find one silly thing to be glad about, so be it. Be glad about it, tomorrow will be better, sooner or later.

I had to work Christmas Eve this year and I tried to be upbeat, but I was just basically grouchy about the whole thing. I only had to work about 4 and 1/2 hours, but I had to work so hard being nice to people. It wasn't their fault I had to work, after all. I was exhausted at the end of my shift. I discovered that it really is harder work to be a grouch than to be cheerful. Who knew?

Christmas Nearly Here

Strangely enough, Christmas crept up on me this year. It's strange because I work in the retail sector and we push Christmas from just after Halloween. In fact that's probably why I didn't notice how close it was. Just suddenly, it was only days away. Since I work in a warehouse store, we're about 3 months or more ahead in our stocking. We now have patio furniture in recieving and garden decorations out in the floor. It's no wonder I can't keep track of the days.

This year, I'm working both Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. I've done New Year's Eve before. It's not really bad, since I don't really do much for the holiday. I tried "First Night" celebrations, but it's just too cold.

My Christmas celebrations have sure changed with the years. As a child, I was excited about Santa, then grew up a bit. I was still excited about gifts, but enjoyed other parts of the holiday. After growing up and starting a family, I had lots of fun seeing Christmas through my children's eyes,then through my Grand Children's eyes. Now, with not much family left here, and my Son and his family in another state,Christmas is changed again.  I find myself looking for some new ways to celebrate the holiday. Maybe next year, I'll include the needy more than I have before. If I do that, I'll have to start earlier, and plan better. It's something to think about anyway. 

Learn From History

I was reading one of Jack Krugman's colunms today. He is an economics professor, I think at Columbia and writes an op-ed column for the New York Times.  He was talking about how our legislators don't seem to learn from history, even when it is recent history. During the last vote on regulating banking with some small restrictions, every single Republican voted no, and something like 27 Democrats voted no.

You want to wonder where these people have been for the last year. Have they been visiting another planet? Maybe they have their heads in the sand.

After the first "great depression" in the 30s, the government imposed regulations on lending. It kept things going pretty well until the Reagan era, when free enterprise became the new idol and could do no wrong.Regulations were less and we got the savings and loan fiasco that the American people had to pay to fix. Then came the sub-prime loans and the housing bubble and we're still reeling from that. It seems that there are plenty of things to blame for the depression besides lack of regulation and greed. Let's blame the poor people who somehow hoodwinked the mortgage companies into loaning them money they couldn't pay back. It has to be the victim's fault, right? Our upstanding bankers with thier huge bonuses couldn't do anything wrong.!

Of course, the Republicans vote no on everything. Let's not give Obama any slack at all.The sooner the Democrats are gone and the Republicans are back in power, the sooner we can get back to business as usual, letting the free market take care of everything, like health care where they're doing so well. Let the market take care of policing and the prisons, and our infra-structure. Surely, all the altruistic business men will have out country whipped back into shape.  I know that's not quite fair, as there are some businesses and businessmen who do care and give back to the country. Too bad there aren't more of them.

Book Signing

Sarah Palin was in town yesterday, 12/9,for a book signing at Costco. People spent Tuesday night outdoors in temperatures of 3 degrees, just to make sure they got a signed book. Ms Palin was only slated to be about 3 hours at the signing. Now, I wouldn't walk across the street in warm weather to see Sarah Palin, much less buy her book, so obviously, I wasn't there. Also not there was the chairman of the Utah GOP. He couldn't even get in touch with her people until the day before she was to arrive, when he recieved an email telling him she wouldn't have time for a meeting. To be fair, that's probably true, and she is traveling with part of her family, including her baby,who needs care. I imagine that a book signing is designed to see the most people in the shortest time. In any case, while I might like to see what Palin has to say, I don't plan on buying her book. Maybe I'll get a library card and check it out. That way, I don't contribute to her. She is what she is, but I don't have to like her.

Snow Day

We got a little snow last night! We got about 4 inches of light, fluffy snow on Sunday, but today's snow is more like 6 or 7 inches. It's still pretty light, but heavier to move than last sunday's snow. It's so cold! We will be lucky to break 20 degrees here in Tooele today. I've left a blanket of snow on my car hood.Hopefully, it will insulate it tonight when the low will probably be below 10 degrees, maybe 8 or 9. I certainly hope this bitter cold will not continue much longer. The Utah State Legislature and Govener don't much believe in global warming as it is. Any excuse to pass some meaningful legislation. Anyway, we got our exercise shoveling the stuff today.

On another note. I spent the last 2 nights watching Syfy's new version of Alice in Wonderland, prepared to pick it apart. It turned out, I loved it! Hopefully, they will put it out on DVD. I would certainly buy it. I really enjoyed the actors playing Alice and the Hatter.

Spinning Wheels

I don't know about other people, but there are days, even weeks and months, that I just seem to be spinning my wheels. I feel like I'm doing nothing and going nowhere. There really isn't anything wrong with doing nothing, per se. It can be very good for you if you've made that decision, or given yourself permission. You can always use a break to recharge, just sit, do nothing and open yourself to messages from your intuition, or from your "Higher Source". They're probably the same thing anyway. Unfortunately, doing nothing can become a habit. I seem to find dozens of rediculous busy work that accomplishes nothing but allowing me to waste time.

I slip into behavior patterns that are just habit, doing the same things over and over, not realising that I'm no longer getting anything out of the behaviors, or even finding enjoyment. Quite often, I'm bored and frustrated and wondering if this is all there is. I think of lots of things that might be interesting or worthwhile, but instead of following through, I'm stuck in doing things that don't really need to be done. After all, what would happen if I didn't play my games on Facebook for awhile? I might actually free up some time for doing something worth doing.

It's amazing to me how much easier it is to keep doing the same old things, even when you know those things aren't really what you want to be doing!

Thanksgiving 2009

Thanksgiving has come and gone for another year. My Aunts and I went to Cracker Barrel again this year. It didn't seem quite as crowded this year as last. That may have just been because we went at a different time this year. They have good food and we probably eat less than if we were cooking at home. I seem to have lost the incentive to spend the day cooking, though it is nice to have left-overs. I worked on Wednesday, so was a bit tired. We were pretty busy with last minute shoppers. Today, I'm actually off. I'm just as glad. It gets slow on food sales, people are shopping the "black Friday" sales, not groceries. I like to be pretty busy, not slammed, but busy enough that the time goes quickly.

I'm grateful, as always, for friends and family. They are what makes life worth living and interesting. Our pets can be a joy as well. Mother Natures bounty is appreciated, even her quirkey sense of humor. I'm grateful for a few days without storms, though we have to trade that for hazy skies and temperature inversions. I guess if I want to see brighter sunshine, I can always go into the mountains.

I'm grateful that my Daughter-in-Law has a new job.I'm hopeful that things will work out as she wishes, it will certainly be a new adventure for her. As far as I know,my Grandchildren are doing well and my Son is working as well. One thing I'm not grateful for is the distance separating us, but I am grateful that they are happy with their location.

Life continues to be an adventure, which is perhaps the thing to be most grateful for. After all, who wants to be bored?

Busy, Busy

Another "Taste of Sam's" is over for another year. This year I'm pretty glad too. It seems like I got more fun out of it the past 2 years, but maybe I'm just being forgetful. It's always a lot of work, but this year we had a regional manager putting us through our paces. That definetly adds to the stress. We also had some disatifaction from the members. as well. Management changed the format this year, giving us only one event table and our Chef's Meal Solutions, with everything else being done with individual carts, just like a regular day. That's one complaint we heard from members, that it was nothing special like it's been other years. We also served pretty much the same things we do every weekend, very few of the fancy things we have other years. It may be that management didn't feel that people would be willing to spend for the special stuff. I'm sure they would have been willing to taste it though. We did have some good stuff for the Chef event though.

My first day, on Friday, I did what's called a roaming demo, where you take the food to the people, generally near the check out area with the idea of getting last minute sales from people. I served almonds, candied with a creme brulee flavor. It's very tasty. Of course, I probably walked ten miles on cement floors. At least, when I stand at my cart, I'm on a matt!

On Saturday, I got to play chef. My feet got a break, as they put the chef on a wooden platform, and we get matts too. It was a nice break for my feet, but somewhat frustrating. The new form for the chef event requires that we teach or demonstrate a cooking/serving technique and we don't serve continuously. We haven't got the membership quite trained yet. I cooked Frenched Rack of Lamb with asparagus. I had to cut the rack into chops, season and cook in olive oil. Actually, very simple. The asparagus had to be cut and trimed before hand, I must have cut up 15 pounds or more. I cooked that in olive oil with minced garlic, cracked pepper and salt, then added slices green olives. A little different taste, but good.

On Sunday, I was a "runner". I helped out with the things we were cooking in the kitchen and got them distributed to the other Demo people, I made sure everyone had enough supplies and helped keep the kitchen clean. I got pretty tired, but it was a break not having to worry about selling anything.

When I left the store, it was in a blizzard of slushy snow. It was coming from the north and, of course, I had parked on the north side of the building. My hair was soaked by the time I got to the car. Fortunately, the roads were mostly just wet until Standsbury Park, where they started to get slushy. By the time I hit Erda, it was getting slick. In Tooele, on main street, it was beginning to ice up. By the next day, the sun was shining! We're supposed to have good weather until Saturday. Of course,I work Saturday.

Quotations

I've come across some lovely quotations that I like and would like to share them.

Three from Einstein: Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
A human being is part of a whole....a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself....as something separated from the rest....This delusion is a kind of prison for us... Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
Imagination is more important than Knowledge.

From Thich Nhat Hanh: Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

From Stephen Covey: Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will effect us.

From Chief Seattle: Man did not weave the web of life; he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.

From Mahatma Gandhi: As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world--that is the myth of the atomic age--as in being able to remake ourselves.

From Helen Keller: The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.