Thankfulness

It's November again. Our minds turn to gratitude and all that we are grateful for. Isn't it sad that we only reserve one month, officially, to be thankful? Of course, many of us practise gratitude on a regular basis. I used to keep a gratitude journal, formally recognising things to be grateful for each day. It got to be a little meaningless after awhile.My fault probably. I do better being spontaneous. Still, for this month I plan on posting something to be grateful for each day on my Facebook page, thanks to a fellow Facebook friend. Hopefully, it will catch on.

There are days when it is hard to find something to be thankful for, because of problems you are facing. This is really a time that we need to dig deep and find something to be thankful for, even if it's that you got out of bed that morning. When we are facing challenges, especially hard ones, it's really important to find at least one thing to be thankful for, just to show yourself that all is not totally dark.

Making a habit of gratitude can brighten and enrich your life. Just the knowledge that you can be thankful for something, just to be breathing, heart beating, aware of yourself, can sometimes be a pretty good gift, if not to you, at least to those who love you!

Last Day of 2008

I like to review my year on Dec 31, when I can.Usually, that's in my journal, but I'll do it in my blog this year.

2008 was probably my least best year, I'm afraid. Losing my daughter, Michele, is right up there with being one of the worst experiences in my life. It was so unexpected, despite the fact that for many years, when she was younger, I was afraid that she would drink something, or run off and get into trouble that would lead to her death. The past several years were quite calm after her years going through puberty and getting into a group home. Because of the excellent care she received from Turn Services, I began to relax. In fact, I had started to worry about how Michele would deal with my passing. I guess no one could have predicted she would have a brain tumor.

There was a great deal of pain in Michele's passing. There still is, for that matter. Even so, I was amazed at the lives she touched, and the people who were there with me and with her, giving her their love and energy to get through her last task. I am so grateful for them.

Strangely, gratitude is an emotion that rivals sorrow for this last year. I had help and caring from so many people, those at the hospital, those people who worked with her, people that I work with and my wonderful family who bear the sorrow with me. I hope they all know how grateful I am to them.

I can barely remember the first few months of 2008, but from Michele's passing onward, the year seems etched in my mind. Strange.

I got to get to know a little about my granddaughter to be, when Sam and Solanah drove down from Vancouver to see us after Michele died. They knew they wouldn't be able to stay for any funeral proceedings, but were here to show thier support for us. I'm grateful.

I'm so grateful to my son, Bob, his wonderful wife, Lisa, to my grandchildren Caitlin and Ethan, for thier company and presence during the planning and services for Michele. We had this little 2 bedroom house, filled with the people I love, mattresses everywhere, and it was great!

I got myself busy doing yard work with a "green" people power mower. It was really quite easy. It helps when the mower is new and the blades are sharp. I had planned to plant a garden, but hadn't got the grass dug out before Michele's passing. After that, I just didn't have the energy, or the heart to dig it out. Hopefully, I will get that accomplished this year.

We didn't do much movie going, but did go to an art exhibit last summer. Gas prices were still high, so there weren't any road trips. Most of my travel was commuting back and forth to work in Salt Lake. By the time I needed to start my extra Holiday hours, the price of gas was coming down. For awhile, it seemed that the price was in free fall, dropping a couple of cents a day. Now it's up a few cents, but seems to have leveled off. (hopefully) I have a new co-ordinator at work, but things aren't too changed. It does seem that there's a bit more micro-managing with the recession and all.

A really bright spot has been the election of Barrack Obama as President. He has so many problems ahead of him, I give him my prayers for strength and good judgement.

The future looks a little scary right now, but I have a lot of hope for us. I was reading an article in the news that most people feel much the same way for now. Maybe we'll be forced to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and make a kinder, better world.

I know this is kind of long, and I've only hit the most important spots. Onward and upward to 2009!

Thanksgiving, 2008

I've frequently railed at the fact that Thanksgiving seems to get lost between Halloween and Christmas. Now, I'm thinking that might be a good thing. It hasn't become quite so commercialised as the other holidays. There are still advertisements for food and all, but not the unrelenting push to buy, buy, buy.

Today I'm thankful for many things, some big, some small. All of these things add to a life lived. Most of all, I'm thankful for my family. I have a wonderful Son and Daughter-in-law who have given me 3 wonderful Grandchildren. I don't see them anywhere near enough, but by seeing them less often, I notice all the ways they are growing and maturing. They are positively amazing in thier accomplishments and thier great views on life. I miss them a lot. I'm so thankful that they are what and who they are.

I lost my beloved Daughter this last spring. Sometimes it's very hard to find things to be thankful for in this occurance. However, I am thankful that I was with her at the end. I'm thankful that I was able to see the many people she touched and made a difference to in her life. Despite the pain of her passing, I will be forever thankful that she was a part of my life.

I have two wonderful Aunts who have been there for me my whole life and who, in many ways, saved me when the bottom fell out of my financial life.

There are many seemingly small things to be grateful for, that really make life a blessing. There's sunshine and rain and even snow and wind. There's flowers and trees and weeds and all the other living things that we share this planet with that add to our lives. Even the lowly mesquito has it's place,(I guess). Being able to stop and rest can be wonderful, especially when you've done the work that got you tired.

I'm thankful for my belief in God and my sense of His presence, that small voice within that gives you love and ideas. I'm thankful for all the people that are also a part of God, and therefore me. I'm thankful for the ability to choose, whether that choice works out or not. Hopefully, I take the choice that's founded in love oftener than not.

In this time of uncertainty in the world, may we all make choices based in love and hope and gratitude and we will make for a better world. As the saying goes, "become the change you want to see in the world."

Time Passes

Today it has been 6 weeks since Michele's death. I don't really know if it seems that long or longer or shorter. It depends on my mood at the moment. Sometimes, when I look a her pictures, it seems that she's just at home, in Salt Lake, not too far away. Sometimes,she seems really gone, but at other times, it's as if she's just in the next room. I believe that she's very close, on a soul level. I don't believe that time and space exist so much on the soul level, so she could be right here, looking over my shoulder, giving me loving support, while still going about whatever business she has now in that new/old spirit home she's inhabiting.

My granddaughter, Caitlin, is offin the forrests of the Northwest for 5 weeks. She's part of the Northwest Youth Corps. She's out building trails and taking care of the land. She's 16 years old and has a wonderful social concience. I'm very proud of her. I'm proud of the 2 grandson's as well. The older boy, Sam is in college working on an English major. He wants to write books and he does very well with his writing. He's working part time to pay for his schooling. He is very responsable. The younger boy, Ethan is learning to play the trumpet. He practises with no proding and is even playing jazz already. All three of my Grandchildren are very special, but they have special parents.

All in all, even through the pain of losing my daughter, Michele, I've still been able to find so much to be grateful for, my family and friends. I'm grateful for the time I had with Michele, and for all that she taught me. I may have been a slow learner at times, but, in the end, we were special to each other.

Dates of Note

November is a busy month for me. Today is my Daughter's birthday. Next week is my Son's birthday, plus my Aunt's birthday as well. Also next week, is Thanksgiving. This week will also be busy due to a big promotional event that my company holds every year the weekend before Thanksgiving. As I've probably mentioned, I am food demonstrator. We are a bit under staffed right now. We have to stay on the floor, serving from 10AM to 6PM for all three days. As we are short people to relieve for lunches and breaks, we will operate in tandem, 2 people working 2 demos together and covering both demos for breaks and lunches. It will be a little tricky, but should work.

My daughter will be 41 today, I think. I don't always pay attention to my kid's ages, then I have to pay attention to my own. Michele won't mind my giving away her age though. She doesn't pay attention to things like that. In fact, she had forgotten her birthday herself. She was too busy looking forward to "turkey day". Michele is my handicapped child. She is mentally disabled and also has some autistic behaviors. She has been able to live in a supervised apartment and work in a sheltered workshop enviornment for about 14 years or so. She's managed, with her staff, to build a life of her own, for which I am very grateful. She lives a fuller life than she did at home, though I'm sure she misses some of her family at times. She does spend an overnight visit with me and her Aunt every 2 weeks. Unfortunately, she hasn't seen her brother and his family for quite awhile. Hopefully, we'll remedy that sometime this next year. When I think about things to be thankful for, all the things I've learned from my children and greandchildren are high on my list.

The Secret to Happiness

I read a news article today about a new study done about happiness. According to this study, Americans report being happy more than Europeans and Japanese, and report being happier. The study was about quality and quantity of happiness. It found that many Americans are very happy, but that they have such high expectations, that new happy experiences aren't always what they expect. It also found that nearly anything that went wrong with thier lives was cause for frustration and unhappiness. My opinion on that is that these people were looking outside themselves for happiness, rather than looking within.

The thing that drew me to the article was a story of a man who was in Italy when he was 70 years old. He was riding a bycycle down a hill, going fast, when he hit a bump. He was thrown over the handlebars and sustained head and spinal injuries. He lost part of his memory, the use of his legs, and though he could move his arms, he couldn't pick up small objects with his fingers. This man is now 80 years old. He still cannot walk, but has regained his memory and made other strides in being more self sufficient. While many might expect him to be bitter and unhappy. However, he says he has never been unhappy. He accepts responsibility for going too fast and causing his accident. He feels joy in being alive and is grateful for any progress he makes in being more able to take care of himself.

I feel that this man knows a great secret. Number one, he takes responsibility for his own actions and equally important, feels gratitude for all that he has. This man probably does not have the ups and downs that the people in the study have. He looks to himself to create his own happiness and his gratitude probably sustains him. The article doesn't mention anything about the man's religion or spiritual practises, but I would bet he is a spiritual person whether or not he belongs to any organised religion or not. It seems to me that we could all learn a lesson from people like him.