Sharon's opinions

Changes

2011-10-02T13:15:00.000-06:00

   I have finally finished with my series of radiation treatments. More exciting, I'm no longer hooked to my chemo bag! I still have the PICC line as I may need more chemo later but it wont be the constant drip version. On my last 3 radiation treatments they targeted the 2 tumors and zapped them hard. My doctor warned me that I wouldn't feel well, so I'm taking the week off. He's right, I don't feel well, but It's so wonderful not to be tired down to a belly bag that I'm still enjoying it. Still, I am very tired and have a very tender bottom due to the "trots".
     I'm feeling sort of at loose ends though. I'm supposed to take a month to let my body recover from the radiation and chemo. In a month, I'll see my radiation doctor, my oncologist and my surgeon. It seems like a "given" that I'll need surgery, but how extensive is the question.
     I was reading an article about how some researchers are trying to develop vacines that teach the body's immune system how to recognise cancer cells and destroy them instead of relying on today's treatment of "poison, slash and burn".
     I keep thinking that I should accomplish something, make profound changes to my life, but I'm just floating along, trying to figure out what's going on. Oh, I did get a certificate of completion from the radiation department and I got to ring the bell they have on the wall. Actually, I appreciated the whole thing because I did accomplish something, with a huge amount of help, but still, I made it to one milestone! I really appreciate the staff at the radiation department and the staff at the infusion department. They do their jobs well with lots of caring. I guess now, I recover a bit and move on to the next stage.

Days Seem To Run Together

2011-09-22T11:46:00.001-06:00

    I had intended to keep this a bit more currant, but as the title says, my days seem to keep running together. I seem to be doing the same thing day after day. I guess humans have an easy time getting into a rut.
     When I learned that I had cancer, for some reason I thought that I would face some profound changes. Of course, it isn't over yet and changes, physical at least will come, but I think I expected mental or spiritual changes, at least a change in outlook. I do view my future differently, mostly as being a bit fluid, as I don't know the final outcome. Still, I seem to be lost in the routine, the commute to treatments, the irritation to be tied down to a bag of chemo therapy, the side effects, which to be honest haven't been too bad. I seem to have slipped into a routine that seems to be keeping me from getting anything done other than treatment. I guess that it's normal to focus on that.
      I had plans of resuming my yoga practice, keeping up my journal, doing some sewing, etc., Instead, I do crosswords, read, play solitaire. Whee, what fun! But still, I do have hope that I'll get my act together.

Strange Day

2011-09-14T11:12:00.000-06:00

    Yesterday was a pretty strange day. Of course, I seem to be getting a lot of those. It was the end of the first week of chemo therapy and I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I kept watching the read out from my little pumping machine and felt like I was going to be finished with the fluid earlier than my appointment to put the new bag on. I decided to go into Salt Lake early to see if they could work me in. When I got there, they said not to worry if the alarm wasn't sounding, just go downstairs to my radiation treatment.
      When I arrived at radiation much too early, I found that they had a scheduling problem and everyone was running late. Of course my alarm went off. I called upstairs and they walked me through turning off the alarm and stopping the infusion and said I'd be fine until after my radiation. Unfortunately, the alarm wouldn't stay off. I had to keep turning it off every 5 minutes or so and during my radiation treatment, I just had to listen to it! When I went upstairs to get new solution hooked up, the alarm just kept cheerfully sounding no matter how many buttons were pushed! At least once the new solution was running, it all seemed to go back to normal. The nurse who was helping me said that model of pump wasn't too user friendly. A bit of an understatement!
         My Radiologist told me I was half way through my treatments. I will get some recovery time before they decide about the surgery.

Time To Post Again

2011-09-11T13:25:00.002-06:00

      It's been nearly a year since I last posted on my blog. I guess I thought I had nothing to say. Looking back,
however, there has been a lot happening in my life.
    I was tired of the commute into Salt Lake nearly full time and an opening came for doing demos in Tooele's Walmart, so I grabbed it. The job is the same, I demo products and try to sell them. However, the method is quite a bit different and has taken some getting used to.
       My son Robert is now living with my Aunt and me, trying to find work. He misses his children like crazy. We were able to have the youngest son with us for about 3 weeks and his daughter for nearly 2 weeks. MaryLou and I didn't see much of them because they were really keeping their Dad busy.
        The biggest change is in me. I finally decided to get a doctor and start using my Medicare. I'd had some problems with my bowels and thought I had an internal hemorrhoid and finally consented to have a colonoscopy. I'd put it off because I thought it would be too painful. I found out that you can be sedated.
It's really too bad that I didn't have the procedure sooner. My hemorrhoid turned out to be cancer! I have 2 tumors. I even have pictures of the things, in color, no less.
         Since then I've pretty much been going from doctor to doctor. It seems these days that you have to have a specialist for everything. I have my primary doctor who is very supportive and helped get my blood pressure under control. Then there's 2 surgeons who take care of different things, there's a doctor who did the "staging" which estimates how far along the tumor growth is. There is a doctor of radiation therapy and all the nurses and technicians and there's an Oncologist and all the support people that comes with it.
          Now I have radiation treatments 5 days a week Monday through Friday. I've had about 3 weeks so far. I try to work my job on weekends. Last week I started on chemo therapy wit a constant drip into my PICC line 24/7. I carry my fanny pak with my bag of chemo and the pump that gets it into me.
          I will try to post how things are going for me and how I feel and any thoughts that I think need to be put down. I do this mostly for myself, but for anyone who comes upon my blog who might need information or might benefit from anything I might say.

Living Life

2010-10-24T13:57:00.000-06:00

Do you ever wonder why we keep getting the same things coming up over and over again in our lives? I've heard and even sometimes believed that similar situations keep coming up in your life because you need to learn some life lesson, and these thnings will keep coming up until you learn that lesson. I don't know if it's "karma" from a past life, your own soul trying it teach your ego something, or the Universe or Spirit teaching.
Then there's the Universal Unconscious, visualised by Karl Jung that could be at work. Who knows?

There's also the idea that we invite those experiences through our attention on all of the things we don't want, obsessing about them to the point that we're actually sending out enough energy to make them intentions. This belief claims that our thoughts send out energy that causes things to happen. There is some basis to this idea from the study of quantum mechanics.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but I do know that during the years I was going into debt and nothing I did seemed to help, I kept worrying about going into bankruptcy. While the idea wasn't really a focus all the time, it was still a worry that was with me a lot and there certainly was a lot of emotion involved. My situation kept getting worse until I finally filed for bankruptcy. Eventually, my life got better, I live mostly on a cash basis because even after nearly 4 years, I still don't quite trust myself with a credit card. Am I learning a lesson? I'm not sure, but my life is not as fraught with angst as it once was.

What Do I Know?

2010-10-19T11:58:00.000-06:00

I told myself I was going to write in my blog oftener, but I'm so out of the habit that I'm not doing so well. I guess I feel that I have to have something big or important to say. It would be nice to say something relavent and/or profound, but how often am I near my computer when I get "big" ideas. In the meantime, I guess I'll just ramble a bit.

One of the things that frustrates me a bit lately is the idea that I am my job, like I am defined by that which I do to earn my daily bread. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. It seems to be an American passtime. When we meet someone for the first time, we may find their job listed with their name as an introduction. If we want to know anything else about them, we have to make it a point to ask. Often times, we just go on to talk about the person's job, as if that is all they are.

Some people don't seem to mind being defined by their jobs, especially if it's one they like or feel adds status. I like to think that I am more than my job, even though it takes up a lot of my time. I resent that my job leaves me too tired often to do much else but watch TV or play on my computer. Now that's a real defining passtime, right?

I guess what I'm saying is that we are more than our jobs. They may be neccessary, and time-consumming, but there is more to most of us than that. But, what do I know?

A Debbie Ford Book

2010-10-06T17:01:00.000-06:00

I'm reading a book by Debbie Ford about how to cleanse yourself of ideas and beliefs that don't work for you anymore. She talks about a children's story about a little crab named Gresper. He spends his young life with other small crabs, eating scraps and living in a small area. One day he feels something different, more open and lighter. He then sees his shell has split and is laying beside him. The other crabs gather around him and begin warning him of the danger he is in until his new shell grows back and hardens. They warn him to stay where he is and not to venture farther. However, something inside calls him to venture beyond the rocks where he has lived his life, so he begins to move around the rocks. All the while, his fellow crabs are calling for him to come back. Grasper continues on around the rocks. There he sees a wonderful sight, the vast ocean opening up to him, showing him a little of the world he had not even suspected with more food than scraps and many other wonderful things. Grasper realises that he can go back and spend his life small and restricted, or he can grow and learn. He will have to reinvent himself over and over as he outgrows his shell and molts and grows a bigger one.

It's a lovely story and an introduction to her own "Grasper" moment when she is in her fourth drug treatment center, feeling the need to quit and run away, but she realises that if she doesn't stick it out this time, she will either be back again or she quite possibly will die. At this point she finds a quiet place and gets on her knees calling for a God she's not sure she even believes in.She keeps reciting the Serenity Prayer, which she has just learned "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference," She wasn't sure how long she knelt there in pain and agony, but at some point a feeling of peace came over her and such a feeling of overwhelming love that she was amazed.

I'm actually still in the first chapter, but it promises to be a wonderful book. I'm certainly not a drug addict trying to kick the habit and survive, but I feel my life could have more meaning. I'm also of an age that I can't count on lots of time left to get things right, so here I go again with a little reinvention of my own.

Things Never Change, the Players Shift

2010-10-05T16:34:00.000-06:00

I last wrote about my 2 co-leads and thier problems. Well. they did actually manage to come to terms with each other and are doing quite well with getting along. It is sometimes taking a little work, but they are doing well. Unfortunately, another person is having some problems. This lady is normally the sweetest, most generous person. She truely enjoys giving to people and being helpful. She does tend to take a little narrow view of "how things should be" and likes rules to be spelled out and followed, but she usually doesn't get too fussy at people. It's been quite surprising to see how often she gets upset and actually starts arguments. She seems to be on a short fuse lately. She is going through a divorce from a long standing marriage. I know from experience how stressful that can be. I guess the best thing we can do is to cut her some slack, though that can be hard as well.

We are in a bussiness that changes frequently. Our schedules can change almost daily due to the business atmosphere in retail sales these days. It can be hard for people who depend on a set amount of hours per week to have those hours deminished, then as suddenly be added back to your schedule. It's a wonder we don't yell and scream sometimes. I suspect that by November, we'll be working as much as we want to, if not more.

Different Perceptions

2010-09-18T09:23:00.000-06:00

Isn't it strange how each of us is shaped by our perceptions of reality? I guess our perceptions are formed as we grow up and experience life and must be strongly influenced by our parents, at least in our early life. I assume that our perceptions are further influenced by our experiences as we grow up. But do our attitudes get frozen sometime during this formative process, or do we remain open to new ways to look at and experience things? I guess that depends on how our ideas and perceptions were formed in the first place, How do we stay open to new experiences and ideas, and do we even want to open ourselves to change?

I work with 2 other people who are"leads" as I am. I get along with each, but they don't get along with each other. As far as I can see, each of them believes that they are right in thier own perceptions and thier own ideas and attitudes, but that the other person is difficult to get along with. How is it that I don't have much problem with either person? I will say, however, that one of the person is a bit harder to deal with than the other, perhaps she just has a stronger personality.

There have been atempts by both people to "clear the air, and get things into the open" but there seems to be little progress. Each one seems convinced that the other just doesn't understand thier viewpoint. That seems right, but why? Is each person so invested in thier own perception of things that they can't let go any part of it to actually see each other as a real person and not as an obstacle? What is my course in this? Do I try to help, or do I let things go and see what happens? Maybe it's easier to simply remove myself from the equation.

New things

2010-09-15T21:39:00.000-06:00

I just got a new laptop.
actually, I've had it for about a week, but I'm just getting it set up today. I had so much trouble getting onto the internet! I knew I needed to reset my modem, and I thought I was unplugging it and replugging it, but I noticed that the lights were not going out on the modem. Then I realised that I kept unplugging and replugging my alarm clock! Whoops! I guess I would have finally noticed the time was wrong eventually.

My Aunt MaryLou also got a new computer. She got a nice desktop with a flat screen monitor. Her internet came on pretty quickly. Of course, she hasn't been using her old one for the internet because her browser went out, so she'd been using my old laptop with me.

I'm pretty happy to have a nice shiny blue laptop, but my bank balance is not looking so healthy right now. I'm going to have to get my savings back up, Here I'd been thinking I could change jobs soon, but maybe not. I had figured that if I could find something closer to home, I could save enough on gasoline to make up for a lower salary. Maybe I still can, but who knows. I work 4 to 5 days a week, though I'm not techniquely full time, but with the commute, the hours feel like full time.

My Grand daughter Caitlin will be leaving for college this weekend. Her Mom and Dad are suffering great angst and empty nest syndrom. It happens to all parents though, and we actually survive!

It's been a pretty good day, even with the computer problem. The weather is beautiful, I picked a bunch of tomatoes from the garden, and I planted 6 hens and chicks in the yard. Not a bad day.

Futility

2010-08-12T13:03:00.000-06:00

Just when you feel like you are making some headway in your life, something else is thrown at you. When my company first started our division, things were a little difficult. People were being hired quickley, trying to fill spots and get everything going. Unfortunately, some of the new hires were not very promissing and there were some who really weren't interested in the job once they tried it. Consequently, we had a lot of turnover.

Finally, things are starting to come together.We have a core of people who can be depended upon to come to work, do thier shifts and do thier best. Now we are getting more and more demos thrown at us,especially on Saturdays. We have 16 demo carts and we are getting 21 demos, not counting last minute store demos.It gets pretty frustrating trying to find ways to get everything done. Sometimes it feels like we are being tested until we fail. If that's the case, what is the point to it all.

It's getting harder to go to work with a positive attitude because I feel like a runner in a race where they keep moving the finish line farther away. I realise that life can be challenging and meeting the challenge can be rewarding, but sometimes it would be nice if you could enjoy meeting one challenge before you're thrown back into the lion's den for another round.

On The Job

2010-07-22T12:31:00.000-06:00

Just a little note on the continuing saga of my work-life.

This coming week-end is a big holiday in Utah, so we'll probably be busy. They have added extra demos, so now I have to work an extra day. While I understand the reasons, I'm a bit unhappy because I only found out because I check my scheduel on the computer daily. A quick email would have been nice. If I'd picked today to skip checking, because I normally have Thursday and Friday off, I wouldn't show up tomorrow and they'd be short. Of course we end up short fairly frequently anyway and have to scramble to get all demos done anyway.

I feel like things at work are in a fairly regular turmoil much of the time.I get days, like Tuesday, when things go well and I appreciate that so much. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to happen that way often enough. Maybe the problem is that I'm in a position where I have responsibility to the company, at least my supervisor, rather than just going in, doing my demo and leaving. I guess that additional worry bothers me. We have some things going on right now,with a disgruntled employee that just add to that problem and increase tension.

I have felt, for quite some time, that I'm not really in the right job. I almost didn't apply for the job, but I was worried about being out of work and figured that getting the job was pretty certain, though I was a little surprised by how quickly I was hired. I took on the team lead position when it was offered, because I thought it would make the job more interesting. It has done that, but the extra responsibility comes with drawbacks as well.

One of these days, maybe we will be fully staffed with reliable people and there will be a resolution to the problems that we're facing right now. Maybe I'll last that long.

Getting Back to Writing

2010-07-16T17:31:00.000-06:00

I actually thought about starting a new blog, newname, new purpose, etc. I still may do that, I'm not sure. I'm just stating that I'm still alive and kicking. Right now mostly kicking.

I'm still working at Sam's Club with "Tastes and Tips".I'm a team lead. That means I work longer shifts, have more responsiblity, and I get paid a whole dollar more an hour. There have been a lot of growing pains, most of which I'd prefer not to go into just now. Some of the things have yet to play out. It's like I don't know how the story ends just yet. I'm not sure I even have an opinion on the subject. There are certainly days that I'd prefer to just "bag" the whole thing. Oh well, onward and upward.

It's Always Something

2010-04-02T16:16:00.000-06:00

I'm back again.I'm really not used to working 5 days a week! It looks like I may be getting to 4 eight hour days rather than 5 six and a quarter hours.It would certainly help my gasoline bill. I do a lot of running, fast walking actually, though I still do some demos where I stand a lot. I actually prefer the running. The standing makes my feet hurt.

We got a 3 day storm this week. It was mainly slush the first 2 days, but it cooled off enough Wednesday night to really put down the snow. We got a foot of snow here in Tooele! I spent part of my day off shoveling, I even had to dig for the newspaper. Fortunately, there were 3 neighborhood boys who came around and finished the job for me. Here we are with all this snow and the trees are starting to leaf and we also have 3 boxes of floweres to plant! We are expecting a couple more storms this week as well. I was looking for garden seeds today, but I guess I'll wait a bit.

I can hear the wind starting to blow and it's getting cloudy again.The barometer in my head says the storm is coming and giving me a headache! It's always something, right?

Catching Up

2010-03-22T16:22:00.000-06:00

I figured it was about time for me to write again.

It's been very busy now that I'm working again. In fact, I'm working 5 days a week most of the time,as I was made Team Lead, assisting my manager. I work her days off, help the events specialists (new title for demos) organising their demos, do some paper work and generally run a lot. I still do some of my own demos, but not every day. I try to keep the kitchen in good shape and help my manager with ordering supplies and submit our papers to the store management.

I have had to take an online course in Food Safety Management,in addition to the Food Handler's Permit we all have to have. Now I have to take the test for Food Manager on Thursday.It's a 2 hour test and I have to go up to the University. I'm going to be glad when that's over.

Driving into Salt Lake 5 days a week has really played havoc with my gasoline bill, as the price is doing it's summer increase early this year. I work between 6 and 7 hours each day. I'm hoping to be able to go to 4 days of 8 hours each eventually.

I've been getting tired and stiff some days, I just got out of shape when I was out of work for 5 weeks. At my age, it doesn't take long to get soft. Fortunately, I've been running off a bit of wieght too.

We do all of our time verification, reports and all,including quite a bit of training on line. That's the reason some of my old team mates didn't get hired, or got discourged about even applying for this company. Several of them didn't have access to or much skill at computers. The reliance on computers means that the first thing I do when I get home from work is log onto my company website to do my report. Im on the computer more, but not doing much on Facebook or my blog. I guess I'll get organised eventually.

Back At Work

2010-02-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

Last week I had a meeting to prove I'm legal to work in the U.S.That's pretty standard these days.I had an orientation day, then I volunteered to go in on Saturday to clean demo carts and the kitchen and go through supplies and put them away. There were enough of us that it didn't take long.

It's comfortable to be in the same store with many of the same people, but there are some differences that are a bit uncomfortable. Strickly speaking, we don't use the employee break room, as we aren't Sam's Club employees. It's okay, as there's always the cafe area for food and somewhere to sit. I may have to do some changes for lunch time though, like getting an ice pack for my lunch, though for awhile I'll probably get food at the cafe. So far, they haven't put lockers for us in the kitchen area.

The reliance on my computer for schedules and such, including my work time,is different, but I'll get used to it. I tried doing a "call back" on one of my online learning programs.I'm not sure I did it right or not. Each day we work, we have to verify our time and break time, as well as answer surveys questions about our demo. It needs to be done by the end of the day if we want to be paid for that day.

We have 22 demo people, though not everyone has thier paperwork complete. There's supposed to be 2 team leads, which I thought were already set, but our supervisor told us she has to choose them. She thinks she'll start with one first. Who knows, maybe I'll get to be one, though I have a co-worker who is really interested to do it. I guess we'll see.

New, Old Job

2010-02-20T12:23:00.001-07:00

I'm going to be going back to work in March. It's a new job, but still the old job. I'll be doing demos again under a new company with a new name. I'll be "an event specialist".I will be working at the same store. Oh, and Yeah, for less money, but not as much less than I was afraid. Since the parent company is based in So.Cal, we'll be doing all our paperwork on the computer. I don't mind that, but it has left out a few of my old co-workers who don't have computers. I'm also working with only a few of my old co-workers since some will be going to other stores.Looks like I'll be getting to know some other people. That can be fun.

By the time I'm back to working, I will have had 5 weeks off. Too bad I haven't made good use of the time. I've let my frustrations and worries allow me to spend way too much time spinning my wheels. I've also spent time worrying about family members,even though I can't really do much for them but have faith in thier strength and good sense to get through the big life changes they are going through.They are bright, loving people. They willall get through this crisis.

Another worry has been my 84 yr old Uncle falling and injuring his back. He's temporarily in a nursing home for therapyto get him mobile again. It's really tough on him because he's used to living alone and doing things his own way.Now he's got others making his decisions. Hopefully, he'll get well enough to go home again, even if he needs some home care.

Frustration

2010-02-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'm still waiting for follow up from a job interview last week. It's been 5 days and my understanding was that I would hear within a couple of days. It's supposed to come through the computer, but mine is acting so slow and decrepit, that I'm wondering if that's the problem. If I don't hear soon, I'll call or email or something.

This is all part and parcel of the feelings I've been having lately. I feel as if I'm invisible. It's sometimes like I'm on the outside, looking in at the rest of the world. It's probably all in my own head anyway. This won't be read by anyone, but it helps to write my frustration down,I guess.

Strange Days

2010-01-29T17:10:00.000-07:00

I've been on my computer for hours every day this week. I wish I could say that it's all been productive time, but I can't say that. I've spent a fair amount of time playing games on Facebook. I have been doing research into what jobs are available in my area. I have put in online applications. Some of them take quite a bit of time. Some have you doing cute little tests that have you wondering what they really want. One of my friends who was laid off when I was told me she applied to be a dog washer at a pet store and had to take a psychological test that took her nearly an hour. I guess they don't want someone who might traumatise the dogs. After all, bath time can be stressful for some dogs!

I feel like I am not accomplishing much. I've hardly been out of the house. I did go to the post office one day, then to the store to buy fresh veggies as I had a yen for them. I just really feel at loose ends right now. I'm trying to figure out my best options. I'm not really in panic mode just yet. It's not as if I haven't been in this situation before. I guess it helps that I'm not looking for a big new career. I just want to keep clothes on my back and food on the table and have a little money to set aside. I figure all will be well, one way or another. We all make plans for how we want our world to be, but it's best not to get too many details planned, because the Universe will do what it thinks is best.

Here We Go Again

2010-01-25T13:29:00.000-07:00

I guess it's a sign of the times that I'm out of a job again. In 2004 I was "downsized" by the airline I was working for. They closed several reservation centers, mine included. They did give us a chance to transfer to other centers in other states. Unfortunately, I had my Mother, who was in end-stage renal failure living with me. Of course dialysis is available all over, but things were complicated by having a handicapped daughter in a group home that expected to see Mom every other week. Ultimately, I took the early retirement package. I tried to find another job, but needed night shifts which were not available. I spent the next 2 years caring for Mom. I never regretted the descion.

Now, the present. I have been working part time for Sam's Club as a demo associate. It has been a fairly enjoyable job. I've loved my co-workers and most of our members. The commute has been long and not too fun in bad weather, plus my car is now 12 years old. It gets very good gas mileage, but maintainance could get to be a problem soon. In any case, for now, I don't have to worry about the commute. Walmart has decided to restructure their demo program, They have been one of the few stores that have hired their own demo people. It has worked for quite awhile. However, due to the general state of the economy, the program has become too expensive and not producing enough. Management has decided to use a third party company to run their demo events, so, as of 2/5 I am unemployed again. Even though we're being paid, we aren't actually working. I guess they're getting set for the change over.

It's very hard to have to tell people you have enjoyed working with good-bye. It's also a pain to go through job searching again. I have applied to the company that's going to be doing Sam's demos. Still, it keeps me in the commute mode, so I can't decide how I feel about that yet. I will try to find something closer to home, of course, but prospects aren't all that great just now. I don't really make enough on social security to stay home and sponge off my Aunt. I also need to get out in the world occaisionally too.

This is not fun, but there are plenty of others going through similar and worse times right now. I still consider myself pretty lucky anyway. I think that reinventing yourself is becoming a national passtime.

Difficult Times

2010-01-20T16:48:00.000-07:00

My Son and his family is going through some very hard times right now. It's been going on for sometime, but seems to be reaching new hieghts of pain. There is anger and fear within the family, and of course, the other companion, blame. It's hard to sit on the sidelines from far away and not know whether I can help, or even if I should help. After all, my Son and his wife are grown ups and have been for quite a long time. Even one of my Grandchildren is grown and another one getting close to, at least a legal age. I'm not sure how much age has to do with anything anyway, except for experience,

All I know is that my heart aches for all of them for what they are going through. It seems odd that you can live life fairly well for quite some years, then all hell breaks loose. I know the last dozen years of my life have been somewhat troublesome what with a divorce, taking care of my Mom at the end of her life, then a bankruptcy that has totally rearranged my life. Just when I thought the worst was over, my Daughter died. The really frustrating part, is that it seems to be spreading to my Son and Family and they seem to be doing all the painful things at once.

I'm not qualified to make their decisions for them, only they can do that. I also know that they are afraid of the future, but are trying to meet it and make it work. I know it seems trite to say that there are opportunities in every challenge and heartbreak, but it can be true if you can just hold on. My hopes and prayers are with them all right now.

Looking at this post now, it looks very inadequate. Maybe I'm just trying to get my thoughts down.

Golden Globes....Avatar Won!

2010-01-18T13:44:00.000-07:00

I watched the Golden Globe Awards last night. I don't usually have the patience to sit through the whole thing, but this year I did. I wanted to know if Avatar would win the best picture award, and it did! James Cameron also won best director as well. Someone made a comment in the morning paper, that Cameron's onlt made 2 pictures in 10 years, and won best director and picture for both. However, he hasn't been just sitting around for 10 years. In the acceptance speeches, last night, it was mentioned that it took over 4 years to make Avatar. That's the actual process of making the film. I'm sure James Cameron spent a lot of time creating the idea and story before he was finally able to work out the actual technology of putting it on film.

Anyway, I'm glad that the film was made, and enjoyed it immensely!

Distances

2010-01-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd write a quick post before I leave for work. Life can be a little strange. I should be used to having my Son and his family living 2 states away by now, but I sometimes feel so disconnected. Of course, the disconnect is more than distance. There are some changes going on with them that cause them to disconnect too. It still is painful, not knowing how they are doing, if they are okay or not.

I got on Facebook last year as a way to stay a little more connected to them. It worked pretty well for awhile, but I am at the mercy of whether they decide to post or not.Even when they do post, it doesn't have much info. That's because it is a public forum. I know I'm usually a bit circumspect about what I post. Frankly, I mainly play games.

I do read posts from my Daughter-in-Law most days, and I'm grateful for that. there are occaisional posts from my Grandchildren, who are busy with school and all. However, my Son seems to have disappeared. There have been not posts or comments for a couple of weeks. This gets to be scary! Maybe he is no longer an online presence? I guess I need to get on the phone, though I worry about being a nosy Mom.

Well, It's time for my work commute, how fun.

Avatar

2010-01-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

I saw "Avatar" yesterday. What a wonderful movie! My expectations were quite high, but the movie surpassed them! We saw it in the 3Dof course, well worth the extra 3 bucks. I think I would enjoy seeing it again, even with the 3 hour length, it didn't seem long. It was such a beautiful movie. The movie critic from The Salt Lake Tribune was very complimentary about the beauty and the technique. He also felt the plot was predictable. While it's true, the plot was prdictable, it's because the plot is a classic "quest of the chosen one." It's like an archetypical story within man's racial memory. That's why, even with the predictability, it draws us in. In fact, if it got too far from the pridictable course, people would have been disappointed.

The title, Avatar, is because the only way humans can live and work on the moon, Pandora, is to live through an Avatar, a being created artificially from Pandoran dna and the dna from the person who is running the avatar. Humans can't even breathe the atmosphere and only survive within their base or within their machines. They are on Pandora, basically to strip it of a natural resource that will produce huge amounts of energy for Earth. It's implied that Earth has used up it's own resources. At one point, when the protagonist, Jacob, is praying to the Pandoran diety,he states that where he comes from, there is no green, that humans have killed their "mother", alluding to Gaia, our own mother earth.

Pandora is not an easy place to live, the natives must be strong and brave, there is always something that can kill you. The world's life forms live in balance and the world teems with beautiful life. The scientific team, who taught the natives English and developed the avatar program is run by Dr Augustine, played by Sigourney Weaver. She believes there is an energy on the planet that connects the trees and life forms. She's a scientist, so she doesn't actually believe that Pandora is alive in any other form but the way viable planets are alive, but my feeling was that Pandora was sentient, in a way.

The Pandoras are very large, they make humans look like children, small ones at that. They have blue skin that sparkles in the dark. They are tall and lean and strong with tails and have a long braid that protects a sensory organ that allows them to communicate with the animals that they bond with, as well as with the sacred tree.

The humans are not our best specimens. There are those with open minds and hearts who see Pandora's beauty, but they are few. The leader is a typical corporate leader, beholden to the company brass and the stock holders, though even he becomes concerned about the lengths the military will go to remove the Pandorans from the area the company wants to mine. The security head is good to his men, at least when they obey orders, but he concludes that the Pandorans are not technalogical, therefore, not worth saving.
The sad thing is, that I can see much of the behaviors and ethics of our own society that can be extrapolated with time and greater technological advancement, especially in the ways of conquest and war to be capable of doing such things. Still, a very enjoyable 3 hours!

A New Year

2009-12-31T17:02:00.000-07:00

I love New Year's Eve. To me, it's a time to review the last year and how I'm doing in life. While there are always things I'm not particularly pleased about or proud of, there are always some good things to remember too. Then there's New Years's Day. It's like the Universe has given us another chance, a clean slate to draw upon. While there are always things you can't control, you still have control over your own choices. You can plan what you want your new year to be. That doesn't mean there won't be outside forces that may mess up your plans, but how you relate to those challenges is still up to you.

I saw the "blue moon" this morning! It was down close to the western horizon and it was huge and bright. It was just beautiful! I tried to get a picture, but it was still a bit dark. Oh well, it's still in my memory.

I called in sick today. That's the first time in quite awhile. I felt bad about it, but I really felt bad physically, sort of like I'd been run over by a tank. My sinuses were so full, my eyeballs were looking for space. My ears are full as well. It's not fun, but temporary. Hopefully,it will be short lived.

To anyone reading this, Happy New Year! May 2010 be a wonderful year for us all!

Cold and Colds

2009-12-30T13:39:00.000-07:00

It's snowing again, lightly. It's cold but maybe just slightly warmer than it has been. We've had such a cold December that I'm ready to put on long-johns. It's been very cold at work, more sowhen I'm working near the freezers or in the meat department. We have big people sized ovens in the bakery so we can bake big quantities. Sometimes I'd love to just walk in after a batch has been baked, just to warm up a little! The weather reports suggests that we may be getting closer to normal in the next few days,which is 36 degrees. I don't think we've even seen 32 degrees for 2 or 3 weeks.

I also have a cold. It's not too terribly bad, but not too much fun either. I keep working because we have to get any demos ordered for 2009 done by tomorrow. Still, I'm not really excited by tomorrow. We've been having so many traffic accidents when it snows because people just can't seem to slow down. They forget that when the temperature is in the teens, the snow is going to freeze when it hits the ground. When it snows, we've been getting 150 accidents a day. You'd think by now, people would figure out that they're doing something wrong. Unfortunately,winter has at least 2 months more to go.

Another Year Nearly Gone

2009-12-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that we're almost through with another year. Actually. we're on the brink of a new decade! It seems like just a while ago that everyone was stressing about the new millenium and whether all the computers would crash when the date changed to 2000. Now here we are, about to finish the "ought" decade. No more 01s or 03s. We're going into 2010.

I was reading one of my favorite op-ed columnests this morning. He suggested that we call this last decade the zero decade since that was pretty much the extent of any kind of progress we Americans have made, on any front. I have to admit, I think he's right. We are seeming to be unable to learn from our mistakes and keep repeating them, expecting that "this time" it will come out right. Isn't that the definition of insanity?

I keep trying to think if I'm learning anything myself. I hope so, but sometimes I'm not too sure. After Christmas, I thought that the holiday was a celebration of love. God gave us his Son, to show His total Love for His Creations. The least we can do, other than love Him back, is to love one another, each of us, whether lovable or not.

I'm not sure whether to make any New Year's resolutions. I usually break them and make the same ones every year. This year, I think I'll put "gratitude" at the top of my list. It's amasing how being grateful can help your outlook on life. Even if the only thing you can find to be grateful for is being alive and breathing, that's a pretty big deal. Maybe you can only be glad that you didn't fall out of bed or that you've got something to eat for breakfast, even though it might not be what you quite wanted. You can still be grateful you're not going to starve today. Some days it can be hard to find something to be grateful for, but the more you practise, the more you'll find to be grateful for. If you can only find one silly thing to be glad about, so be it. Be glad about it, tomorrow will be better, sooner or later.

I had to work Christmas Eve this year and I tried to be upbeat, but I was just basically grouchy about the whole thing. I only had to work about 4 and 1/2 hours, but I had to work so hard being nice to people. It wasn't their fault I had to work, after all. I was exhausted at the end of my shift. I discovered that it really is harder work to be a grouch than to be cheerful. Who knew?

Christmas Nearly Here

2009-12-23T14:16:00.001-07:00

Strangely enough, Christmas crept up on me this year. It's strange because I work in the retail sector and we push Christmas from just after Halloween. In fact that's probably why I didn't notice how close it was. Just suddenly, it was only days away. Since I work in a warehouse store, we're about 3 months or more ahead in our stocking. We now have patio furniture in recieving and garden decorations out in the floor. It's no wonder I can't keep track of the days.

This year, I'm working both Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. I've done New Year's Eve before. It's not really bad, since I don't really do much for the holiday. I tried "First Night" celebrations, but it's just too cold.

My Christmas celebrations have sure changed with the years. As a child, I was excited about Santa, then grew up a bit. I was still excited about gifts, but enjoyed other parts of the holiday. After growing up and starting a family, I had lots of fun seeing Christmas through my children's eyes,then through my Grand Children's eyes. Now, with not much family left here, and my Son and his family in another state,Christmas is changed again. I find myself looking for some new ways to celebrate the holiday. Maybe next year, I'll include the needy more than I have before. If I do that, I'll have to start earlier, and plan better. It's something to think about anyway.

Learn From History

2009-12-17T15:47:00.000-07:00

I was reading one of Jack Krugman's colunms today. He is an economics professor, I think at Columbia and writes an op-ed column for the New York Times. He was talking about how our legislators don't seem to learn from history, even when it is recent history. During the last vote on regulating banking with some small restrictions, every single Republican voted no, and something like 27 Democrats voted no.

You want to wonder where these people have been for the last year. Have they been visiting another planet? Maybe they have their heads in the sand.

After the first "great depression" in the 30s, the government imposed regulations on lending. It kept things going pretty well until the Reagan era, when free enterprise became the new idol and could do no wrong.Regulations were less and we got the savings and loan fiasco that the American people had to pay to fix. Then came the sub-prime loans and the housing bubble and we're still reeling from that. It seems that there are plenty of things to blame for the depression besides lack of regulation and greed. Let's blame the poor people who somehow hoodwinked the mortgage companies into loaning them money they couldn't pay back. It has to be the victim's fault, right? Our upstanding bankers with thier huge bonuses couldn't do anything wrong.!

Of course, the Republicans vote no on everything. Let's not give Obama any slack at all.The sooner the Democrats are gone and the Republicans are back in power, the sooner we can get back to business as usual, letting the free market take care of everything, like health care where they're doing so well. Let the market take care of policing and the prisons, and our infra-structure. Surely, all the altruistic business men will have out country whipped back into shape. I know that's not quite fair, as there are some businesses and businessmen who do care and give back to the country. Too bad there aren't more of them.

Book Signing

2009-12-10T11:37:00.003-07:00

Sarah Palin was in town yesterday, 12/9,for a book signing at Costco. People spent Tuesday night outdoors in temperatures of 3 degrees, just to make sure they got a signed book. Ms Palin was only slated to be about 3 hours at the signing. Now, I wouldn't walk across the street in warm weather to see Sarah Palin, much less buy her book, so obviously, I wasn't there. Also not there was the chairman of the Utah GOP. He couldn't even get in touch with her people until the day before she was to arrive, when he recieved an email telling him she wouldn't have time for a meeting. To be fair, that's probably true, and she is traveling with part of her family, including her baby,who needs care. I imagine that a book signing is designed to see the most people in the shortest time. In any case, while I might like to see what Palin has to say, I don't plan on buying her book. Maybe I'll get a library card and check it out. That way, I don't contribute to her. She is what she is, but I don't have to like her.

Snow Day

2009-12-08T16:17:00.004-07:00

We got a little snow last night! We got about 4 inches of light, fluffy snow on Sunday, but today's snow is more like 6 or 7 inches. It's still pretty light, but heavier to move than last sunday's snow. It's so cold! We will be lucky to break 20 degrees here in Tooele today. I've left a blanket of snow on my car hood.Hopefully, it will insulate it tonight when the low will probably be below 10 degrees, maybe 8 or 9. I certainly hope this bitter cold will not continue much longer. The Utah State Legislature and Govener don't much believe in global warming as it is. Any excuse to pass some meaningful legislation. Anyway, we got our exercise shoveling the stuff today.

On another note. I spent the last 2 nights watching Syfy's new version of Alice in Wonderland, prepared to pick it apart. It turned out, I loved it! Hopefully, they will put it out on DVD. I would certainly buy it. I really enjoyed the actors playing Alice and the Hatter.

Spinning Wheels

2009-12-02T16:27:00.002-07:00

I don't know about other people, but there are days, even weeks and months, that I just seem to be spinning my wheels. I feel like I'm doing nothing and going nowhere. There really isn't anything wrong with doing nothing, per se. It can be very good for you if you've made that decision, or given yourself permission. You can always use a break to recharge, just sit, do nothing and open yourself to messages from your intuition, or from your "Higher Source". They're probably the same thing anyway. Unfortunately, doing nothing can become a habit. I seem to find dozens of rediculous busy work that accomplishes nothing but allowing me to waste time.

I slip into behavior patterns that are just habit, doing the same things over and over, not realising that I'm no longer getting anything out of the behaviors, or even finding enjoyment. Quite often, I'm bored and frustrated and wondering if this is all there is. I think of lots of things that might be interesting or worthwhile, but instead of following through, I'm stuck in doing things that don't really need to be done. After all, what would happen if I didn't play my games on Facebook for awhile? I might actually free up some time for doing something worth doing.

It's amazing to me how much easier it is to keep doing the same old things, even when you know those things aren't really what you want to be doing!

Thanksgiving 2009

2009-11-27T11:21:00.002-07:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone for another year. My Aunts and I went to Cracker Barrel again this year. It didn't seem quite as crowded this year as last. That may have just been because we went at a different time this year. They have good food and we probably eat less than if we were cooking at home. I seem to have lost the incentive to spend the day cooking, though it is nice to have left-overs. I worked on Wednesday, so was a bit tired. We were pretty busy with last minute shoppers. Today, I'm actually off. I'm just as glad. It gets slow on food sales, people are shopping the "black Friday" sales, not groceries. I like to be pretty busy, not slammed, but busy enough that the time goes quickly.

I'm grateful, as always, for friends and family. They are what makes life worth living and interesting. Our pets can be a joy as well. Mother Natures bounty is appreciated, even her quirkey sense of humor. I'm grateful for a few days without storms, though we have to trade that for hazy skies and temperature inversions. I guess if I want to see brighter sunshine, I can always go into the mountains.

I'm grateful that my Daughter-in-Law has a new job.I'm hopeful that things will work out as she wishes, it will certainly be a new adventure for her. As far as I know,my Grandchildren are doing well and my Son is working as well. One thing I'm not grateful for is the distance separating us, but I am grateful that they are happy with their location.

Life continues to be an adventure, which is perhaps the thing to be most grateful for. After all, who wants to be bored?

Busy, Busy

2009-11-24T13:03:00.002-07:00

Another "Taste of Sam's" is over for another year. This year I'm pretty glad too. It seems like I got more fun out of it the past 2 years, but maybe I'm just being forgetful. It's always a lot of work, but this year we had a regional manager putting us through our paces. That definetly adds to the stress. We also had some disatifaction from the members. as well. Management changed the format this year, giving us only one event table and our Chef's Meal Solutions, with everything else being done with individual carts, just like a regular day. That's one complaint we heard from members, that it was nothing special like it's been other years. We also served pretty much the same things we do every weekend, very few of the fancy things we have other years. It may be that management didn't feel that people would be willing to spend for the special stuff. I'm sure they would have been willing to taste it though. We did have some good stuff for the Chef event though.

My first day, on Friday, I did what's called a roaming demo, where you take the food to the people, generally near the check out area with the idea of getting last minute sales from people. I served almonds, candied with a creme brulee flavor. It's very tasty. Of course, I probably walked ten miles on cement floors. At least, when I stand at my cart, I'm on a matt!

On Saturday, I got to play chef. My feet got a break, as they put the chef on a wooden platform, and we get matts too. It was a nice break for my feet, but somewhat frustrating. The new form for the chef event requires that we teach or demonstrate a cooking/serving technique and we don't serve continuously. We haven't got the membership quite trained yet. I cooked Frenched Rack of Lamb with asparagus. I had to cut the rack into chops, season and cook in olive oil. Actually, very simple. The asparagus had to be cut and trimed before hand, I must have cut up 15 pounds or more. I cooked that in olive oil with minced garlic, cracked pepper and salt, then added slices green olives. A little different taste, but good.

On Sunday, I was a "runner". I helped out with the things we were cooking in the kitchen and got them distributed to the other Demo people, I made sure everyone had enough supplies and helped keep the kitchen clean. I got pretty tired, but it was a break not having to worry about selling anything.

When I left the store, it was in a blizzard of slushy snow. It was coming from the north and, of course, I had parked on the north side of the building. My hair was soaked by the time I got to the car. Fortunately, the roads were mostly just wet until Standsbury Park, where they started to get slushy. By the time I hit Erda, it was getting slick. In Tooele, on main street, it was beginning to ice up. By the next day, the sun was shining! We're supposed to have good weather until Saturday. Of course,I work Saturday.

Quotations

2009-11-19T10:55:00.003-07:00

I've come across some lovely quotations that I like and would like to share them.

Three from Einstein: Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
A human being is part of a whole....a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself....as something separated from the rest....This delusion is a kind of prison for us... Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
Imagination is more important than Knowledge.

From Thich Nhat Hanh: Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

From Stephen Covey: Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will effect us.

From Chief Seattle: Man did not weave the web of life; he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.

From Mahatma Gandhi: As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world--that is the myth of the atomic age--as in being able to remake ourselves.

From Helen Keller: The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

Busy Weekend

2009-11-16T12:41:00.002-07:00

I had a pretty busy weekend. I worked 4 days, Thursday to Sunday. On Saturday, I and another Demo Associate, Michelle, worked on a meatball event. We used the same brand meatball and served it 2 different ways. Michelle served hers in a marinara sauce, cut in half on a toasted Italian seasoned toasted bagette. I served mine whole, on a tooth pick in a sauce made from barbeque sauce and grape jelly. It sounds strange, but is really quite delicious. It was quite a hit. Of course, you can't please everyone. Michelle got quite frustrated trying to explain to someone that she couldn't remove the grape jelly from a meatball for her. It was a tiring demo because our meatballs were being cooked back in the kitchen, and we would serve them so quickly that we were running back and forth, trying to keep up with demands.

It always surprises me how many people decide to go shopping when it snows! We had a snow storm on Saturday and it didn't lessen our crowds at all. If anything, it increased them. Of course, since we have a tire shop, that was most of the increase. People suddenly decided that winter was coming and they needed new tires. While they wait for the installation, they shop and/or partake of the free samples.

We had a lot of wind with the snow and it was very cold. It made the storm seem worse than it was downtown where the store is. When I left at 6 pm, I thought I'd missed having to drive in the storm because the clouds were breaking up and the roads were mainly wet. Unfortunately, by the time I hit Magna, it was snowing again. Going up the hill around Kennecot, visability was bad. The weather report had predicted "lake effect" snow, so I expected to have it all the way to Tooele, but it ended at Lake Point. We did get more snow in Tooele over night though. We ended up with 8 inches in Tooele. Great fun to shovel before work on Sunday morning. I'm pretty stiff and sore today,but it will pass.

Thankfulness

2009-11-10T16:46:00.003-07:00

It's November again. Our minds turn to gratitude and all that we are grateful for. Isn't it sad that we only reserve one month, officially, to be thankful? Of course, many of us practise gratitude on a regular basis. I used to keep a gratitude journal, formally recognising things to be grateful for each day. It got to be a little meaningless after awhile.My fault probably. I do better being spontaneous. Still, for this month I plan on posting something to be grateful for each day on my Facebook page, thanks to a fellow Facebook friend. Hopefully, it will catch on.

There are days when it is hard to find something to be thankful for, because of problems you are facing. This is really a time that we need to dig deep and find something to be thankful for, even if it's that you got out of bed that morning. When we are facing challenges, especially hard ones, it's really important to find at least one thing to be thankful for, just to show yourself that all is not totally dark.

Making a habit of gratitude can brighten and enrich your life. Just the knowledge that you can be thankful for something, just to be breathing, heart beating, aware of yourself, can sometimes be a pretty good gift, if not to you, at least to those who love you!

Time or Timelessness

2009-11-07T17:00:00.003-07:00

It's strange how we experience time. Time can seem like it is rushing along, pushing us to do more or making us feel that there is not enough time. Sometimes we feel like there's all the time we need. Other times, we feel there is no time, we're in the flow of whatever we're doing and time either doesn't exist, or it seems to stand still.

Notice how many times I've used the word "time" in the last paragraph. Notice the ways the word can be used. It seems pretty important for something that may or may not exist. Time is used to denote the linear progression of past, present and future. Even Einstein called time a stubbornly persistant illusion. The Greek had two words denoting time. Chronos is numeric or chronological time. The other word is Kairos, which lierally means "the right or opportune moment". This discribes metaphysical or devine time. This is the time we experience during meditation or during some intense, in the flow experience. Sometimes we have a sense of timelessness that gives us a glimpse into spiritual infinity, if we're very lucky. Metaphysician, Thomas Troward wrote, "The whole of the Spirit must be present at every point in space at the same moment."

Many indigenous people seem to have an ability to live in the present moment, not be tied down to the tyrant of time passing, as we "civilised"people are. Some of them don't even have words in their language to discribe time as we do. We should all strive to live each moment, just as it is. The past is gone and cannot be changed, only learned from. The future has not arrived yet and depends upon the present for it's outcome. We need to learn to act as if "now" is all there is, because it's true.

Strange Day

2009-11-04T16:30:00.002-07:00

Today has been a strange, sluggish day. I woke up tired and I'm still tired. I have accomplished very little, when I had planned so much. I get really irritated by days like this. Maybe I just need to "go with the flow" and just get through it.

It has actually been pretty nice weather for the last few days. I really need to work out in my garden a bit before the ground freezes, which could be soon or not, only Mother Nature knows. The nieghbors tree on our property line has lost most of it's leaves. They would make great winter mulch for the garden, but not if I wait until we get more snow. (the snow we got before Halloween melted)

Sometimes I feel really guilty when I'm not accomplishing something. I mean, life doesn't really last forever, at least not as the currant body, that is. Of course, time doesn't really exist,we just experience things in a linear fashion, so it's convenient to use a clock, I guess. That's why our Congressmen can get away with playing with our clocks. I guess it gives them something to do and makes them feel like they're earning their great health benefits, right. Well, tomarrow is another day, hopefully.

Halloween

2009-11-01T12:22:00.002-07:00

This is the second year I have worked on Halloween for my current job. I don't really remember last year, but I do remember this year. Of course that was yesterday, so I really should remember, right?

This year, our manager who is in charge of community outreach programs,(read PR), decided that since Halloween fell on a Saturday and we would see more children, we should supply them each with a paper bag and let them trick or treat in the store. That mostly meant supplying all the demo people with a supply of candy to hand out, in addition to our regular demo chores. We were kept supplied most of the day with plenty of candy. We're a warehouse store, we have BIG bags of candy.

It was a little distracting, sometimes a lot distracting. There were some really cute kids and costumes. There were very young ones who weren't quite sure what was going on, and there were those who were too shy to say "trick or treat". Sometimes we'd get so involved with the kids, to look up and find our trays empty of demo samples and mostly patient people waiting to taste some morsel or another. To say we were kept busy is an understatement. One of my demo associates said she wasn't even quite sure what day it was.

We had one or two demo people who tried to limit the candy to children, but most of us didn't worry about adults getting candy. I guess we remembered taking a little cut of the candy of our children when they were small.

It was dark when I came home and I worried about little goblins on the streets, but there were only those keeping to the sidewalks. Even with the "trunk or treat" programs at the churches and the downtown merchants giving out candy, we still had more kids than last year. We were close to running out of candy, which is better for my waistline anyway.

First Snow Storm

2009-10-28T15:37:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we awoke to snow on the ground. It wasn't much, just about a half inch. Since the ground wasn't frozen yet, the roads were mainly wet. It didn't seem too bad. However, Mother Nature wasn't through with us yet. The clouds stayed around most of the day and the wind kept blowing. We kept getting little, short periods of snow flakes. The weatherman warned us that it would get worse overnight because there was a storm coming from the north west over the Great Salt Lake. Tooele and the western parts of Salt Lake could get more snow.

This morning when we got up there was about 4 inches of snow on the mailbox and my car was covered. It's been cloudy and breezy most of the day. It's just plain cold, though the walks and driveway are pretty much melted. Still, we've stayed inside and warm, though the dog, Lady, has been trying to coax at least one of us outside to play in the snow. Silly dog. She hates the rain, but loves the snow.You'd think she had Husky in her instead of Lab.

The mountains have seemed to be getting a good base of snow. That's good. I'm not all that fond of snow, but I do like drinking water and washing, so I guess I need to learn to put up with the snow. It actually wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to travel. Maybe I can figure out how to call my demos in?

Defy Gravity, An Early Review

2009-10-26T11:22:00.003-06:00

I've just started reading Caroline Myss' new book, Defy Gravity. It is about healing as all of her books are, but this one is more about healing through "Grace". She gets away from much of the conventional ideas for healing. Her previous book, which I haven't read yet was called "Entering The Castle" in which she talks about the writings of one of her favorite historical womwn, Saint Theresa of Avila. She bases this new book on some of the things that have happened to her and her audiences when she was promoting that pervious book.

Caroline Myss has been a medical intuitive for many years working with Dr. Norm Shealy. I read several of her books from that time. She's seemed to believe that we can heal using ours or other's energy. There is certainly quite a bit of study on the subject. Many of her books talk about our attitudes and outlook on life, our using our minds to heal.

This new book is more about spirit. So much of the first part of the book resonates with me. She talks about how so many of us feel the empty places in our lives and psyche. I know that is true for me. She feels that we can't depend on science for everything, we need Spirit, we need God's Grace to see us through.

I am into chapter 2 now and enjoying it very much. She talks about forgiveness and surrender and the reason so many of us can't seem to do these things, and I see myself. I'm not quite as bad about forgiveness, but surrender is something that is very difficult for me. It's difficult to give up control, even though I know that I can't control all, or sometimes even some of the aspects of my life. I will keep reading and hope to heal my life somewhere down the road.

2009-10-26T11:21:00.001-06:00

2009-10-26T11:21:00.000-06:00

Just Another Post

2009-10-15T12:55:00.002-06:00

It is a beautiful, sunny day today. It's a nice change from a couple of pretty heavy windy days. We need to replace some plastic tarp on the garage roof where we didn't get it repaired this year. We had garbage cans tip over and tree branches and pinecones to pick up. One of our windchimes needs to be restrung. It was originally done with cording, but fishing leader lasts better in our windy area.

I've actually been doing a little sewing. I've finished a top for myself made from a Fall, Halloween type print to wear at work. The neckline had an over-lapping vee neckline that I really had problems with. I'm so out of practise! I'm going to try doing some other sewing. Many of my clothes have really seen better days, plus, some I'm heartily sick of.

I've been spending entirely too much time playing games on Facebook! Cafetown really irritates me. It takes too much time to load, if you don't spend enough time there, your food gets ruined and has to be discarded. I find myself treating it like a real business and worrying about customer service. I guess that's a habit from my real job.I think I'll let the cafe thing go. The farm is more fun anyway. It seems a bit silly to spend so much time on something that isn't real. Maybe that's the charm.

We're getting ready to paint the garage if the weather holds up. It really needs it! This weekend is supposed to be in the 70s. Of course I'm working! After all, it is a weekend and working in retail pretty much demands it.

Well, life goes on here in Utah, pretty much as usual, which isn't saying a lot. Still, it's predictable.

Our October Venture

2009-10-07T12:38:00.003-06:00

My Aunts, MaryLou and Maureen and I went on a little outing on Sunday. We planned on seeing fall leaves. The weather was stormy and I considered postponing the trip, but my next Sunday off was not for 2 weeks. The leaves would be pretty much off the trees by then.

We usually go fairly high, like the Nebo or Alpine Loops, but we were concerned about driving in snow.We decided to just go up to Park City, then to Midway and Heber, then on down Provo Canyon.

We had rain most of the way. Park City had some road work going on, so we ended up driving around a bit. The rain showed signs of becoming snow, getting a little slushy. The picture was taken around Park City. You can see a little snow on the top of the mountain. By the next day, they had snow on the ground.

We drove through Midway.There's been a lot of building there. They even have a spa resort now. Heber has done some beutifying along Main St. We got hungry and needed a pit-stop, so we stopped at MacDonalds. I can't believe we drove that far just to eat at MacDonalds. Oh well, when hunger calls.

The drive down Provo canyon was really pretty.The leaves were mostly turned, but still on the trees. It's sure a lot nicer with the new road!

We ended up going home through Lehi and the "back" way through Cedar Fort. By the time we got out around the area where the ATV riders like to go, the rain was coming down looking like weak chocolate milk, or maybe latte. The car is really a mess! Unfortunately, it's still a little cold to wash it at home.We might have to resort to paying for a carwash. All in all, storm included, it was a nice trip.

The Self Actualised Person

2009-10-06T16:39:00.004-06:00

I just recieved some information about becoming "self actualised". I think the term originated from a man called Abraham Maslov. I think he was a phycologist or perhaps a socialolgist or something like that. Anyway, he described the stages that people go through to become mature, or "actualised".

The info I have talks about learning to accept what is, that which you can't change. Of course, you need to know how to recognise the things that you can't change, so you don't go through life banging your head against a wall, thinking you're going to make a difference. I guess we all go through those things.Still, it's better than giving up on something that you really might be able to change. But I degress. Usually, the things you can't change are other people. They are the only ones who can effect changes in themselves.We can only support them.

Another thing that a self actualised person does, is when problems occur, he allows negativity to go through him, but remain detatched from the result. That sounds pretty tricky to me. I have a hard time with the detatchment thing.

A self actualised person takes responsibility for himself. He doesn't blame everyone else. Okay, that's just being a grown up, right? Obviously,there are outside things that affect us, but we are responsible for our reactions.

There were other things, like respect for others, being supportive to others,etc. Oh, and a real big one, don't judge others. That's big, because it's hard. Just when you think you're doing okay, you find yourself slapping labels on people or events. I guess you have to learn to disagree with someone without judging them to be an idiot. Sometimes that is really hard!

Okay,I guess just getting to be adult age isn't all we have to do, we actually need to grow up too. The problem is that it seems to be an unending process. At least there's always something to learn and/or teach. Keeps life interesting.

The Enemy Within

2009-10-01T12:17:00.004-06:00

Most of us have beliefs that do not serve us in our lives. We accept, as truth, things that we are told as we are growing up. As children, we don't seem to have much of a judgement filter for things we're told or see until we get older, meet other ideas, have experiences. Most of us, even if we consider ourselves stable and emotionally healthy, have beliefs that don't serve us well. We often even realise that judgements we make are often not really our own, but are remnants of things we accepted, without question, in our formative years. Trying to change or discard these beliefs can be very difficult. We often don't even realise what our beliefs are most of the time. I grew up thinking I was clumsy, because my Father told me so. It took me quite a few years to find out, I was no different than other people, I could be graceful, as well as clumsy. I wasn't cursed.

For children who undergo trauma and pain at a young age, who are told they are not deserving of happiness or given other beliefs about the world they are raised in, life can be a constant struggle to believe in their worthyness, their right to be happy. That's because they harbor a part of those beliefs within their minds, like an enemy. Often, despite "knowing"in their heads that they are worthy, that remnant of belief crops up, trying to assert itself. Allowing themselves to enjoy life and have a wonderful time, might trigger the belief that they are unworthy to enjoy themselves. They end up having to fight those feelings of depression and unworthyness again.

It's easy for someone who had a relatively happy childhood, to tell someone they just need to love themselves more. Unfortunately, that misses the point, that this child was never given love enough to learn to love themselves. I don't have answers for how to remove those false beliefs. I have enough of my own that rear their ugly heads when I least want them. I've heard that we should just let go of the beliefs that hold you back. Nobody seems to be real certain how to do that letting go. I suspect that those old beliefs need to be replaced by better ones, otherwise, there's a hole in your mind, but I don't really have answers.

Tiredness

2009-09-29T16:10:00.002-06:00

I had a really busy 4 days at work this last weekend. We seem to be having more and more demos that are professionally planned, with signs and props and special recipes. I guess the vendors want to get the most out of the money spent. That's understandable. I'm not too excited about the ones that require a specific script. Usually, it's something fairly short and you have 2 or 3 to mix throughout the demo. Unfortunately, the customer doesn't always appreciate us sounding like the latest sales pitch on late night cable. Since I work at a "membership" facility, I see a lot of the same people week after week. As a Demo Lady, I often establish a certain rapport with our regulars and they expect to be treated like individuals. Some of them don't expect their regular demo person to start sounding like a parrot. I guess it will all figure itself out eventually.

On Saturday and Sunday, my demo was about stocking up your freezer with fun foods for football viewing. With 4 products, 3 needing to be cooked, we had to use the bakery ovens. Someone in the back would keep things cooking and put them in steam tables, but my partner and I had to run back and forth keeping our own steam tables out on the floor supplied. Plus, we did our own relieving for breaks and lunchs. I felt like I was running my legs off. Talk about race walking! By Sunday night, I was almost too tired to sleep! I work with such a great team of people though, that I had plenty of help, for which I am very grateful! Next weekend, I'm looking forward to only 2 days working.

My Aunts and I are planning to drive to the mountains on Sunday to see fall leaves. Of course, we're expecting snow in the high altitudes the next 2 days. Hopefully, that won't ruin the leaves. I'm trying to decide whether to pick my green tomatoes tonight or take a chance on it getting too cold tonight.

New Book

2009-09-23T15:08:00.003-06:00

I've been reading a 10 page article on a book that was written over a period of time by Carl G Jung.It was written in a big red leather bound book by hand and with his own color drawings. It was written during a time of his life when he was under going periods of visions, nightmares etc. when he was a little concerned that he was going out of his mind. It started when he was 38 years old and continued several years. Apparently, he began welcoming it and ended up anylizing himself. The book remained in a cupboard in his home throughout his life and even after his death, for awhile. Eventually, his family put it into a bank deposit box in a bank in Zurich.

The family,for many years, resisted requests to have the book published. A few years ago, a man named Noll, published a book that was very critical of Jung, making the family unhappy. Then a scholar from London, let them know that there were ,at least, 2 partial copies of the "Red Book" available that might be published. The family decided to publish a copy of the original,along with a translation from the German and over 1000 footnotes, provided by the scholar from London. At least the book would be Carl Jungs own words.

It seems that there is a lot of unusual, for a scientist, material in the book. There are myths, achetypes, even the Devil. It should be interesting reading. I've always been more interested in Jung than in Frued anyway. I'm not sure when it will be out, but I'm going to watch for it.

Time Flies!

2009-09-21T17:28:00.002-06:00

I just realised that I haven't posted here since September 8. Oops! For the last couple of weeks I have been back to my old schedule, working Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun one week, then just Fri and Sat the next week. I still get 4 days off a week, but somehow , it doesn't feel like it. I know, it's all in my head. I was just enjoying a normal paycheck, when I was told our team lead had been sticking her neck out and hoping for paid demos for us. Now she's been told by headquarters, that she can only schedual us for demos already set. That means, we have to be called in for last minute demos and are supposed to keep our calendars clear. Like that is going to happen, especially if she calls us with only a days' warning. Oh well, I still have a job, right?

Today was a beautiful day. It was sunny and not quite 70 degrees. I love this kind of weather! I played hooky and didn't mow the lawn this morning. My Aunt Maureen had a doctors appointment in Salt Lake, so we all 3 went in. After her appointment, we went shopping. I needed new work shoes. I think working on my feet all the time is makeing my feet wider and flatter. I also got some fun fall fabric to make me a new blouse to wear for Autumn Saturdays at work. We normally wear black trousers and white tops. We look like penguins. On Saturdays, we're assigned different colors. Last week we wore yellow and looked like honey bees. This past Sat was green. Next week, it's fall leaf colors. During October, we'll probably go Halloween or Fall. Pretty much the same in November until after Thanksgiving, then we'll be into Christmas colors and designs. It breaks up the monotany and allows us a little self expression.

We've had quite a few tomatoes from our little patch. With only one surviving cucumber plant, there's not been too much if them. I just hope we don't get an early freeze. The strange plant that has been growong out near the front sidewalk is either a pumpkin, or another squash. there are 3 little fruits so far.I don't think the season will last long enough to really get something from the plant, but you never know.

The Blahs

2009-09-08T15:17:00.002-06:00

You know how some days just don't seem worth getting up for? That's where I am right now. Every day seems to stretch out before me the same as the one before with only slight variation. It may be because I seemed to be up and down all night, not really getting a good night's sleep. I've noticed that I get quite unenthusiastic when I'm sleep deprived, especially when that deprivation is from nothing much, certainly not from excitement.

I'm back to my old schedual at work, at least, for now. I guess we'll see whether the economy is looking up enough to keep our hours up. I get a raise this month. It's not what I've got in the past, but the fact that I still have a job, much less a raise, is certainly something to be thankful for. I am thankful, but I think I'm also bored. I have certain tasks each day, which I do. I watch the same things on TV, endlessly. I'm even re-reading one of my favorite series of books. Still, everything is the same with only small variations.

I've always believed that boredom is the fault of the boree. Is that a word? Anyway, I should be able to get out of this funk. Maybe I'm enjoying it? New project for tomorrow, right after I mow the lawn......Find something exciting to do, or at least interesting.

Politics?

2009-09-04T08:53:00.002-06:00

I'm getting so depressed reading the news lately. It seems that we, as a nation are more polarized than ever. The president can't even give a little pep talk to the nations' school children without causing a furor. George H W Bush gave one during his presidency, with nary a ripple in the political firmament, but let Obamma try, and the conservatives claim he's trying to push his socialism agenda on innocent children! The mistrust in this country is rampent. The stories going around are so wild and unbelievable as to be laughable, but there are still people quoting rediculous things with apparent belief. Doesn't anyone stop to think about the stories and ideas they are passing on with such outrage and enjoyment? Apperently, there are people who would rather let someone else think for them. It's more fun to repeat outrageous stories and get others as excited as they are.

It's beginning to feel like when people relished passing on all the dirty laundry type of gossip over the back fence or around the water cooler at work. All the political junk going around has the same flavor of the worst sort of hurtful gossip that some people seem to love so much. Isn't it time for America to grow up and take some responsibilty for ourselves and our country?

Aging With Grace

2009-09-02T17:26:00.002-06:00

My Son and Daughter-in-Law are bemoaning and feeling their age it seems. They are 45 and 44 respectively. Here I am at 65, and they're worrying in their 40s! I don't remember being too concerned at being in my 40s. I remember turning 30 and being glad that I was finally old enough to be taken seriously. I never worried too much about birthdays until the big 5 0. I think that turning 50 was traumatic because I was newly single, going through a divorce. It was scary. Fortunately, I had a considerate male friend who brought me roses, took me to dinner and a movie, and helped me realise that my life wasn't over.

I read an article recently about going through life without being overly concerned about age. The trick seems to be to find ways to continue through life with the state of youth available to us if we don't lock ourselves down with beliefs that hold us in place. I had a friend who became a grandmother at about age 38. She was very glad to have a grandchild, but, somehow, she seemed to believe that her life was now defined by being a grandmother. She saw herself as someone who tended the baby and stayed at home in her rocker.Can you beleive that? At age 38! Just unreal. Fortunately, she eased off on the rocking chair, went to work and started the next half of her life. At least she didn't totally let steriotypical beliefs ruin her life.

We come to life in a state of youth, with all it's flowering before us.We can continue through life with the state of youth available to us if we don't lock ourselves down with beliefs that hold us in place. It's fine to be stable, but it's not fun to stagnate.

The author of the article, Margaret Stortz, is a minister. She gives 3 attitudes to help you keep living youthfully. Make no comparisons, Make no judgements, and delete your need to understand. When we make comparisons between ourselves and others, we are held in place by them. The ideas of "better than" or "less than" bind us and limit our views of ourselves. We get stuck, and that leads to feeling less young. When we make judgemants of ourselves or others, they are often censorious. They have a negative bite. This tends to take the life out of healthy, flowing thinking. We can always assess our actions, seeing what works and what doesn't, but judging things either good or bad, tends to put us and others into boxes and limits our feelings and actions.

The third idea, not needing to understand, can be harder for some than for others, but the need to understand can cause problems. It's normal to want to understand why something is taking place. But what if whatever is happening is beyond our understanding? By insisting on knowing why, we can sidetrack ourselves into dead end conditions. We can over anaylise and get obssessive about our problems. This can distract us from looking at life as an adventure, full of wonder and not really knowing where it will lead. We can ask, who am I?and where am I going, what will I be next month or next year? These questions can't really be answered. We can say what we intend for our futures, what we want to experience, but we need to keep an open mind, because sometimes, God has a much better experience for us than we hope for. We all want the best for ourselves and our loved ones. That is good, we need to expect the best. Still, we need to keep open to the possibilities that God wants us to experience, He can think much bigger than we can, and as a loving Father, he wants us to have the very best.

I know that to someone who feels like they are hanging on to life by their fingernails, looking at life as an adventure is difficult. Life can be a great trial, but sometimes, just the idea that life can be different may, at times be an incentive. The idea that there are people "out there" living with adventure and possibilities, may help them to believe sometimes, that someday they will get to that place as well.

New Picture

2009-08-29T14:50:00.002-06:00

I decided to bite the bullet and appear as I am. This picture was taken by my Aunt at Multonomah Falls in the Columbia River Gorge. We were on our way to Vancouver, Wa for my oldest Grandson's wedding. I'm eating an ice cream cone. That's okay, everybody eats, right. I guess I hate to show the roly poly me, thinking that people who see the picture will judge me by my weight. Like,"Wow, What a pig she is!" I see other people, people that I know and like and They may be a little rotund, but I never seem to notice it much. It always looks better on others than ourselves, it seems. I guess that we are usually our own harshest critics. It shouldn't be that way though. We're not supposed to judge people, and that's hard enough to stop doing. Somehow, we seem to think that it's okay to judge ourselves. It's not okay though. Still, I keep doing it. So here I am, in all my flawed beauty. It's okay though, we're all a little flawed. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here, trying to live our lives, make a little contribution when we can and try to learn a thing or two to get us to the next stage, right?

Looking at Life

2009-08-27T14:09:00.002-06:00

I've always believed that life is beautiful and good. I know that isn't true for some people. I isn't even true for me 100% ofthe time, but for most of the time, it is true for me. I know that there are some people who are full of pain and fear. There are people who are full of anger,who blame others for their own pain and don't seem to be happy unless they can make someone unhappier than themselves. That is very sad, for them and anyone around them.

I know that there are people who have been through hell in their lives but have managed to build lives that are good. The hell doesn't go away totally, it just assumes a lesser importance most of the time. They manage to take positive energy and keep that foremost in their lives and keep a wary eye on the negative energy that tries to sneak up and sap them.

I sometimes think that you need to surround yourself with as much beauty as you can find, whatever moves you and is beauty to you. When life slaps you down, and it does, grab onto whatever it is that brings you a sense of beauty and love, no matter how small, and use it as a shield to protect yourself from the negative, the pain and ugliness that is out there.

I generally look toward music and nature and ,of course, family and certain friends that I can count on. The best friend is within, that part of me that is part of Spirit, who can see what I can't always see, that God is with us all, loving us, just as we are, always. Sometimes it's hard to believe, but we each are lovable and worthy, even when we have lost our way, even the person who wounds you is loved. God is the ultimate Father, loving and forgiving all.

The Dog Days of August

2009-08-23T13:23:00.002-06:00

We had some hot days lately. I worked, so at least I was in air conditioning. Even so, it was rough as I was not feeling well. Friday I awoke to a very sore throat. I figured it was from post nasal drip. I couldn't afford to lose hours, so I went to work. After an hour or so, I felt really lousy. I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, so was probably a prime target to a virus or something. I ended up going home early. I took vitamin C, forced fluids and went to bed early. Saturday was better.My throat was still a little sore, but I managed to get through the day. I wanted to sleep in,but woke up as usual. Oh well, it's Sunday, I'll take it easy.

We had a really nice rain storm this morning. I hope we get more. It will save me watering tomorrow. It's supposed to be in the low 80s for awhile, a nice change from 100s! Our tomatoes are rippening well now. It's so great. The cucumber isn't putting out much, and the ones that do grow are a bit bitter tasting. I'll have to figure out why before next year.

It is hard to believe that summer is almost over. It seems like June was yesterday!

Judgement

2009-08-20T12:35:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure why we humans feel the need to make judgements of each other. Not only do we make judgemsnts, we catagorise and label as well. Judgements are not ours to make, we are really not evensupposed to judge ourselves. We do it anyway. It is a very harmful practise, both for the judgee and the judger.We label and pigeonhole each other, then wonder why feelings are hurt. It's only an opinion, right? Wrong! It takes on something that we aren't qualified or in a Christian sense, even allowed to do. One reason we should not judge is because we don't know enough. We can't see into the heart and soul of the person we are judging. We often don't even understand our own hearts and souls!

I've always liked the saying from the Native Americans. " Don't judge someone until you have walked a mile in their mocasins". There's another quote, " He who is without sin, may throw the first stone" I think that one pretty much removes all of us from the ability to judge!

For the last several years of my life, I have tried not to judge others. to say that it is a difficult thing is an understatement. One of the things I've tried to learn is to accept people as they are. This is something I learned from my beloved daughter, who was "different". I think it is very hard to get past the tribal attitudes of "us and them". If you aren't one of us, you must be one of them. If you are different, you aren't me or part of mine. Unfortunately, dispite progress, we still revert to tribalism, though it may be seen as something else, it is still a more primitive part of our phyche.

Sometimes, a person thinks they are just offering an opinion, helping you to see yourself. Really, you can have any opinion you want to have, but if it's hurtful, keep it to yourself. If your opinion is so strong that you can't accept a person, then remove yourself and let the relationship go. Hurtfullness in the guise of helping is not a good thing.

More Geneology

2009-08-13T15:15:00.003-06:00

I've been doing a little catch up on my family tree, trying to pare down some of the duplicate people and eliminate some children from some of the huge families, especially when they are far back in time.I'm still at over 9800 people in the tree!

I ran into a fun name recently. His name was Flaad Banquo De Dinan, born in 994 and died in 1064. He was born in the Pyrenese Mountains. His wife was named Muldevana De Atholl, born in 998. I'm glad his name was Flaad and not Vlaad. The area is too close for comfort. Maybe I'll do a little more research.

The Scottish clan keeps growing, I enjoy looking at Scottish travel sites and seeing what the areas of our ancestors looks like now. Much of our people came from Midlothian. It really looks beautiful. Maybe someday, I'll get to the UK and check out all the places our people came from. Of course, most of them came from the UK, but there were quite a few from France, Germany, Switzerland, Norway and Belgium. I'm not sure I'd be able to check out everything.I should have started sooner.

Yesterday, I found an ancestor who was born in 445; Chilperic K Deburgundy. His father was born in 420, can you believe it?His name was Gendioc of the Burgundians and his wife, born 438 was named Basina of Thuringia. That's in what is now Germany. It's really interesting to be seeing ancestors who were alive before there was a Germany or France or England. Their world was so different from ours,it's hard to imagine their lives.

I'm still pretty much at a dead end with the Haggerty line. I can't seem to connect Ireland with the U.S yet. I keep plugging away though. Someday, it may all open up for me.

Disturbing Atmosphere.

2009-08-12T15:01:00.003-06:00

The political atmophere today is quite disturbing to me. The disent at some of the town meetings going on about health care reform is not just heated debate. It seems more hateful. There are things being said that are difficult to understand. People are painting swastikas on signs around places of meetings, they are complaining about things that are going to happen if Obama's changes go through that don't seem to have any relationship to facts.

There are people who are still saying that Obama was born in Kenya. Like the State of Hawaii is lying, all of them. Unfortunately, there will always people who will believe only what they want to believe, never mind those pesky facts.

There are people who are saying that the reforms will cause old people to be euthanised. This rumor can be traced to the House GOP leadership. There are fake "grassroot"organiszations that are being run by suspect people. Freedom Works is run by former House majority leader Dick Armey. Conservatives for Patient's Rights is run by Rick Scott, former head of Columbia/HCA, a for profit hospital chain. Mr Scott was forced out of that job due to an investigation for fraud. The company finally pleaded guilty of over billing State and Federal health plans. They paid out 1.7 Billion dollars in fines!

Many people say they disapprove of "any"form of socialised or government run healthcare.The surprising thing is that nearly half of those questioned were on Medicare. They don't seem to realise that medicare is a government program.

There seem to be genuinely angry people out there, but what has them angry? I was approached by a person while I was at work. He took one of my samples, made some small talk, then started talking about all the "reverse racial discrimination out there, since that communist became President". For a moment I was struck speechless. I told him that I wasn't paid to talk politics, only food, but I was disturbed. This has happened to me before,from people that I thought I knew. I live in a very conservative state, especially once you get out of Salt Lake City. But our store is practically downtown. This is disturbing.

I read Jack Krugman's colunm as well as some others in the New York Times, admittedly a little on the liberal side. There are signs of cultural and racial anxiety among people. I guess they expected Obama to wave a magic wand and all would be well. Now everyone thinks he's not living up to his promises. There are cynical political operatives out there who are fanning the flames, stiring up the angry white man. It seems to me that the republicans don't just want to keep the staus quo on health care, they think failure of reform will ruin Obama's presidency and open up things for them to come back to business as usual. Heaven help us all.

I Don't Know

2009-08-05T11:17:00.002-06:00

The title of this post may be a little strange, but still is how I feel. There are lots of things I don't know, way more than what I do know. I guess that is true of all of us. Still, there are some things that it is scary not to know. One of those things has to do with being unable to take away the pain from a beloved child. When your children are tiny, you try to protect them from all harm if you possibly can. As they grow, you have to gradually let them have more freedom. One of those freedoms is to experience life and risk getting hurt. When they do get hurt, you soothe them and try to "make it all better". Unfortunately, the older they get, the harder it is to "make it all better". Eventually, they stand without you, and deal with their own hurts. Now they are grown and you just hope that, somehow, you've helped them to be strong enough to withstand life.You have to accept the fact that there will be others who will be there for your child. Now , you hope and pray that those people in a position to help or hinder your child will be the helpful kind.

My daughter seemed to be lucky enough to have people who cared about her and took care of her. Because she would always need to be taken care of, I tried to be very careful and keep track of those who were in a position to make positive or negative impacts in her life. It helped that she was pretty fiesty as well.

My son, who was always so bright and loving, wanting to do things for himself, has always been the bright spot in my life. I could usually depend on him to eventually tell me when he had done something wrong, like the time he tried pot. It took him awhile, but he came to confess it. Imagine how surprised I was to learn that he had suffered horrible treatment from someone when he was young, and I didn't find out for over 30 years! My conclusion for this is that he suffered so much shame from this treatment, that he somehow blamed himself, that he couldn't talk about it. After all, how do you tell your Mother that you have been abused? And you didn't have a very sympathetic father I suppose.

One of the big things I don't know, is how to"make it all better". It is probably not even possible. He can learn to deal with the pain and go on with his life, but I don't know how to help him do that either. I can be grateful for the wife he has chosen. She is truly his "help mate". I can be grateful for his belief in a compassionate God. I can love him as unconditionally as I am able, being only human. I wish I could turn back time and make it as if it never happened, but that is impossible.

One of the things I do know. In God's eyes we are perfect, that core of us inside that is part of God, is perfect, beautiful,wonderful and good. To my Son I say, "You are perfect and have a beautiful soul, I know it to be true".

Wedding Day

2009-07-29T13:37:00.004-06:00

Here is Sam and Solanah getting ready to make the marriage official, signing the wedding license. Sam looks a little distracted, but he was very much ready to make sure all was official.

It was a wonderful wedding. It seemed really short for me, as a witness. I remember at my own wedding, time moves slower when you are the ones getting married. After this, Sam and Solanah danced a bit, then spent much of the rest of the time posing for the wedding pictures. Fortunately, as the Grandmother and Great Aunt, MaryLou and I didn't have to worry about much posing.

It was a beautiful setting for a wedding, at the old Fort Vancouver. There's lots of green grass, trees, and historical old buildings. There was even an old car ralley on the grounds and Sam and Solanah were able to get some pictures with an old car. I found a cool place to sit in the shade and just enjoyed the scenery. I could see the Columbia River in the distance and saw a sailboat or two. It was very nice. It was also hot, but nowhere near as hot as it has been lately. According to our local newspaper, Portland can expect to hit 106 degrees tomorrow. I sure hope not though. That kind of heat in that area is unthinkable!

The newlyweds went to San Fransisco for a few days. We had left before they got home, but it surely had to be cooler in SF than back home.

Sam and Solanah are embarking on their new lives together, a time full of joy, love and challenges. I wish them smooth sailing and much love and joy!

Vacation

2009-07-25T14:31:00.003-06:00

We had a wonderful vacation! The picture is of Moltnomah Falls along the Columbia River Gorge in Oregon. The picture was actually taken 2 years ago. I have the recent pictures somewhere in my computer, but I forgot what I named the file. I guess I find them eventually. I t really seems strange to lose something in a little laptop, but if anyone can do it, I can.

We drove up by way of Wells and Jackpot Nevada. I took a wrong turn to US 30 west, thinking I was getting on I-84. As soon as the speed limit changed to 40 mph,I knew it wasn't an interstate. The road is a scenic highway called Thousand Springs road. We saw quite a bit we'd never seen before and it didn't add that much to the trip time, so it was worth it. Some of my most interesting trips have come from wrong turns.

We left at 5:20 AM mountain time and arrived at my Son's home around 7 PM pac time. We had printed out directions from google and only had to turn around once to find their new diggs. They have a very nice house.

My kids, notice how I claim them all, my Daughter-in-Law, is just like my own Daughter, so anyway, my kids have the most caring and generous friends. One couple brought over their trailer to park in front of the house and plug into the power, so we had our own home away from home. Another friend provided fresh flowers to make the trailer homey. These couples provided absolutely indispensible help and direction for the wedding rehearsal dinner, the ladies doing the decorating and much of the cooking, the men providing the grunt work of setting up and tearing down. They were phenominal!

The wedding was beautiful, espcially the Bride. The motif was the "50's".It was great! The Groom, the Father of the Groom,and the Brother of the Groom all wore colored sneakers with their suits with matching ties.Very stylish. If I ever find my pictures, I'll post them later.

Now,we're back home and I'm back to work. It's been very hot, but it's supposed to cool a little next week. On my first day back at work, my car died. I found out there's a security system that totally shuts off your electrical system if your battery gets below 9 volts. My key fob wouldn't even work, I had to use the key and when I tried to start the car, it beeped at me. Thank goodness for AAA. I've paid for it for years. some years I never use it, but when I need it, it's there and worth it. I got jumpered and got started. When I finally got home and parked, I turned off the car. I tried to start it again and couldn't. I planned on getting a jump the next morning and then going to get a battery. It actually started, but since I couldn't remember when I'd bought that battery, probably at least 3-4 years ago, I decided to buy a new one. I can't afford to commute so far to work with a car I can't trust. Other than that, we're surviving.

Vacation Time

2009-07-12T12:42:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was my last working day for 11 days! Yeah! I need a vacation. Life in Retail has been a bit tense lately. I'm glad of the break. I'm really glad for the reason to vacation now. It gives me the reason to go on a trip rather than having a "staycation". Besides, a staycation doesn't get you out of your rut enough, you just end up being lazy, or worse, doing some home project.

We are going on a road trip to Vancouver, WA for my oldest Grandson's wedding. I might hate to admit that I'm old enough to have a Grandson getting married, but I'm so happy for him and his wonderful fiance, Solanah! Sam and Solanah seem like a wonderful pair. They seem to complement each other so well and are very obviously in love. They remind me, a bit, of my Son and his beautiful wife, Lisa, who are themselves still very much in love. Actually, My son and Daughter-in-Law are more than "in love". They are simply devoted to each other and best friends.

We are going to try driving up in one day. Usually, we spend one night in a hotel and will probably do that going home. We have to time our return to pick up our big, white, furry animal at the kennel on our way. We're trying a new route going up this time. We'll go by way of Nevada and pick up Interstate 84 from Twin Falls, ID. Hopefully we'll miss some traffic by avoiding SLC this time.

The last time I saw my Washington family was a sorrowful occaision. This time is a joyous time. I much prefer it this way.

Some Updates

2009-07-08T14:33:00.005-06:00

I've had a little time to do some genaology this week. Ancestry.com has changed things a little so that it is easier to get around from person to person, so I've been doing a little clean-up on some of my lines. I don't think I've mentioned that we also have Greek ancestors who were in Constantinople, Turkey. We have some French and Norman forbears who did some take overs in Turkey.I guess it was around one of the Crusades. We are also related to some of the Greeks who were also playing take over in Turkey. One was named Andrinikos Dukas Kamateros. He was born in 1108, in Constantinople. His wife was Theodora Kalusine Komnera, born 1126, also in Constantinople.

We've even had some of our French and English forbears who died in Bethleham or Jeruselam, probably on Crusade. The thing that's surprising though, is that some of them took their wives along. We have one ancestor who's name I can't recall just now, proclaimed himself King of Jeruselem and actually ruled for awhile. Can't say our family didn't have nerve.

On the Welsh front, we have Llewelyn Ap Iorewerta who was born in 1173 in Aberfraw Castle in Cearnarvonshire Wales. Most of our Welsh forbears came through the Clark side. One of our Great Grandfather Jefferies married Emma Clark here in Utah,and there was born our Welsh lineage.

We are also related the "Alfred the Great". He was supposed to be one of the first great kings of England. He did have great statesman like skills and could handle men. However, there wasn't really an England, as such, then. It was in the ninth century and England consisted of London and the surrounding area, called Mercia. The northern part of the country below Scotland was called the Danelaw and consisted of, well Danes, who had decided to settle down and enjoy the spoils of viking. Wales was bigger and occupied the area east of Mercia. Still, Alfred managed to keep Mercia for his people and laid the foundation of the future England. I had read stories about that time period and felt pretty pleased to be related to Alfred.

On another note, we're looking forward to a wedding next week. We'll be loading up and heading for greener climes next Tuesday. Whee!!!!!

Just Keep Trying

2009-06-30T11:23:00.002-06:00

I thought by now, at my age, that I'd be coasting to the finish line. Just taking things easy, having some fun along the way, my life in hand, very little angst. Guess what? It just ain't so. I guess some of us are destined to push our way to the finish line. Not that I'm expecting the finish to be right around the corner. If I had my druthers, I'd end it all in my sleep at the age of 102, having lived well and worn everything out, ready for a new life on the other side. Unfortunately, the struggle continues. Fortunately, it's not as bad as my teens, thank the Lord.

I have days when I have trouble finding anything to be thankful for. Of course, those are the days when I really need to find those things to be thankful for. After all, I'm still breathing, walking, talking, etc. I have loving family still, and friends. There's a big lumbering Dog who thinks I'm pretty great, though I'm probably 2 nd on her list, but that's okay.

My job is problamatic much of the time lately. The things I enjoyed in my job, sometimes get lost in its' demands, though a sweet child always brings a smile to my face.

Sunday, I let myself be drawn into a bit ot a political argument with a customer, that I've usually enjoyed. I really felt bad and beat myself up for the rest of the day. I get upset with myself for getting side tracked. I'd love to be perfect, but then I'd probably decide there was something wrong with that too.

You get to a point in life, when you realise you just might not make all those goals you've had. What really anoys me is that I fail to make any headway on things that I've wanted to do, it seems, all my life. You'd think that I could fix, at least, one or two things that I want to change about myself. My Son wrote about everyone being on their own path, which I firmly believe. Sometimes, though, I'm afraid that my path has gotten faint, or I've slipped off from it and I'm just wandering around. Maybe I should just enjoy the wandering for awhile,or maybe I should find a way to stop for awhile and listen for instructions.

My Opinion

2009-06-24T14:34:00.003-06:00

I've been reading my Son's family blog about Father's day. It sounds like it was mostly good. My Son was making the point that what a child experiences with their father, molds their expectations and ideas of God, the ultimate Father. I think that may be right. Athough my concept of God has changed since I was a child, I think your first concepts probably are very influenced by thr relationship you have with your own earthly Father. My Father was very loving, though quite strict. He was careful to not make a promise that he couldn't keep. I remember once, I was supposed to wait for my Grandfather to pick me up from grade school, but I went to Primary with a friend. My Grandfather couldn't find me and finally went home without me, to get my Mother to help him look. By the time they got back, I was at the school waiting, realising that I was probably in trouble. Mom was so upset that I'd frightened everyone, that she told me I couldn't go to the play or concert that the high school was doing that night. My Aunt MaryLou was in it and I had been promised I could go. I was upset, but truthfully, I think I knew I deserved it. After my Dad got home from work, he told Mom that it had been a promise. By that time, it was too late to go to the play. Dad told me I'd been very wrong to worry everyone and need to be punished. I got a spanking, then I was taken to the drive-in in Tooele for a movie, to make up for missing the concert. I was probably 8 years old, but I've never forgotten it.

I didn't always agree with my Dad, and he certainly wasn't perfect, but he did teach me about keeping my word, or not giving it. Maybe that's why my kids heard "maybe" so often.

I must say, that my concept of God has grown as I have I guess. My belief is that God is Love. That said, I don't believe that you recieve everything you ask for, in the way that you ask for it. We can ask for anything and God, in his Love will give it to us. However, we don't have the right to tell God how to do His job, so He will give to us in His own time and in His own way. Being a Loving Father, He will give back to us beyond our dreams, since we usually tend to think too small, forgetting that God is Omnipotent and all-powerful. The trick is believing, expecting, and accepting. We need to be grateful for all that we have, the breath that we take, the fact that we live, the many things in this world that are beautiful. If we wnt love and beauty, we need to look for it and be grateful for that which we see. If we focus on the unhappy things, the ugly or the lack, that will be what we keep experiencing, because that's where our focus is. When I find myself down and not interested in getting out of bed in the morning, eventually, I'll remember to focus my attention on the things that are good and remeber to thank God for all the good I can see. Usually, things will perk up in awhile.

I don't say my belief is the only belief, only that it usually works for me.

Living Honestly

2009-06-21T14:08:00.002-06:00

I sometimes find myself agreeing with a person I'm talking to, all the while, knowing that I don't really agree. It may be a co-worker, or a manager or a new acquaintance, or even a stranger. I'm sure that we frequently do this just to be agreeable, or because the issue isn't particularly important at the time. I guess it may not be that important if it is just an occaisional happening. There are some who would say that anytime you don't assert your own beliefs can be living a lie, therefore damaging your own soul. After 911 I often had problems when listening to some of my more militant co-workers. I'm happy yo say that I didn't validate their views on wanting vengence because I didn't agree. I mostly listened and kept my opinions to myself, deciding not to cause discent at work. This made me feel that I had been untrue to myself, though I was pretty sure I wouldn't have changed people's minds.

When I was younger, I pretty much voiced my opinion whether anyone asked for it or not. Getting older either mellowed me, making me realise that telling everyone what I think is,at best, being a bore and at worst, an exercise in futility. I have tried to learn not to judge others and to accept them as they are. Trying to convince everyone of the rightness of my opinions and beliefs is can be frustrating and usually, not worth it. Still, how do you make sure you are being true to yourself? By letting someone believe that you agree with everything they say, am I being honest? Does it even matter?

I guess you have to keep checking how you feel about yourself, whether there's a feeling of disconnectedness or a bit of guilt over something you've said or not said. Is it another person you may have wronged? If not, maybe the person you have wronged is yourself. I thought I'd have more answers to life by the time I got this old, but my ideas have changed nearly as much in the last decade as they did in my 2nd and 3rd decade. I'm not sure we ever have all the answers. If we think we do, we're probably wrong.

Looking back at this rambling post,I'm not sure I said what I wanted or if it was worth doing. Oh well, I'm just rambling anyway.

Back to Genealogy

2009-06-16T16:16:00.003-06:00

I've been working on both our Scottish and our Welsh lines lately. The Welsh lines are a bit of a challenge since the names are nearly unpronouncable. Some of the place names just look like a string of letters, a long string, but usually include a province or county that's recogniseable. Many of our Welsh forbears came from around Glammorgan or Monmouthshire. As an example of interesting place names, there's Morgan Ap Maredudd from Cyfoeth, Meredydd, Gwynllwg in Monmouthshire. Notice the use of w and y and l in everything. There is a woman named Tangwlstl Verch Rhys. The Verch seems to be used for women. I don't know if it's like Mrs or some other form of honorific. At least with the "Verch", you know it's a woman, sometimes the only way to tell.

We are related to Daffyd Ap Llewellyn. There was a prince of Wales by that name and also a great Welsh poet. I googled the name, but it's hard to figure, as the time frame doesn't quite fit either character. Once you get back in the 12th or 13th century, it's always a little hard to be sure of dates unless the person is famous and well researched. I almost think I'd prefer to be related to the poet. We've got more than enough royalty.

I struggled a bit with the Robert The Bruce line. MaryLou seemed get the direct line just fine, but I had an extra John Bruce that skewed everything, even though my line before the king was fine. I think I've got it right finally.

We also have connections to the early Spanish Kings as well. Once you establish connections to the Capets and Plantagenets, you end up related to half the royalty of Europe and Scandanavia.

Obviously, many of our forbears were farmers and businessmen and even peasents and thier lines taper off fairly early. Some lines don't go farther than the 17th century. Some countries are harder to find info on too, like Ireland. I did get onto a message board for the Haggerty family and noticed my cousin had been doing some of the same searches that I am, but that was in 2004. Now I need to find out whether he had ant success or not. I did pick up a tidbit about some Hagerty's in the 1600s who came to fight the English with the O'Niel's (the clan we were sept to). They even ended up with a castle, actually 2, one in Ireland and one in Austria. I doubt that it's our line though, but it's nice someone in the Haggerty clan had a castle. Anyway, I keep plugging away.

So Much Pain

2009-06-15T15:43:00.003-06:00

I was all ready to write another post on the Welsh genealogy that I've been doing, but after reading a series of posts on my Son and Daughter-in-Laws blog, I feel the need to talk a little about pain and dealing with it.

I understand that in this life,pain is probably inevitable. How much you suffer, and how you suffer can be a choice that we each can make. My Daughter-in-Law had an extreemly painful childhood. She has endured a great deal of pain and suffering. I won't say I know what she has gone through, because I don't, and nobody else can claim to either. We have no way to get inside another person's heart and mind to see their world. I can only see from the outside. I see a person who, at some point, decided to fight against her suffering and fight to lead the life she wants. I know that she is still fighting. I see a strong woman who has so much love to give. I also see a woman who fights her demons and and doubts. I would like to let her know, that even people with good childhoods have to fight doubts and their precieved weaknesses.

I worry about my Son and his depression. I am sorry I didn't see the problem sooner. I worry about how much of his childhood contributed. I am very glad he is addressing the problem and not playing the strong silent type that so many men do.

When you are fighting depression and problems, it can be difficult to focus on what's right with the world. It can be a temptation to look at everything through a dark lense. It is very important to look for the light, for beauty and love. I used to write down at least 3 things I was grateful for every night before I went to bed. I kind of got away from that. I noticed that some days, I'd wake up and not even want to get out of bed. There wasn't anything that I could point to that was wrong, just nothing much right or worth getting up for. I decided I should remember to count my blessings, nothing formal like before. I just tried to remember a thank you when things were going right, or I was feeling happy, or something good happened, or even if something bad didn't happen. I think, that if you thank God for the things you love, He'll make sure you get more of those things.

I've lived long enough now, that things that used to bother me so much, are less important, maybe because I have tried to let some things go, to obsess less. It doesn't always work, but it's better. Maybe, I'm living such an uneventful life, nothing gets to me. Maybe I've achieved, on my own what Prosac once offered me; emotions on an even keel, no lows, but then again, not too many highs either.

New Book

2009-06-08T10:18:00.003-06:00

I've been using this book to check my genealogy with it's charts and maps. But yesterday I decided to start reading it. It's called "Robert the Bruce, King of Scotts".It is supposed to be the definative book on Robert Bruce. It's quite readable and I am enjoying it a lot.

I've discovered that my son Robert is quite excited about his connection to Robert Bruce. When we named Bob, it was to honor an Uncle on his father's side of the family. We didn't know about the famous connection. It's been quite fun. It turns out that Robert Bruce was not Celt, but Anglo-Norman. However, he did speak Gaelic, as well as Norman French and Northern English, making him trilingual. He became Earl of Carrick through his mother, who was Countess of Carrick in her own right. From his father, he was Earl of Annandale, a holding close to Carrick.These holdings were on the south western side of Scotland. In fact, Carrick was on the Irish Sea. Robert's family also had English holdings in Essex and Midlands.

There were Scottish kings before Robert the Bruce, but they did not control the whole of Scotland. Robert's distinction was the uniting all of Scotland under one rule.

So far, I'm reading about the meschinations of England's King Edward I after the untimely death of Alexander the third, leaving only a girl child as hier because his two son's had died with no issue. The child was his daughter's child from Norway's King Eric. The Scottish nobility wanted to set up a regency of 6 men. Edward agreed if they would swear fealty to him as the more powerful king. He eventually insisted that Margaret, only 6 years old be brought to Scotland to be raised and to be married to Edward's 5 year old son. By the time she arirrived, she was ill and eventually died. Through other meschinations and intimidations, Edward put John Balliol on the Scottish throne. At this time, Robert was only in his teens, and his grandfather, Robert, the Competitor, was trying to put his own family into contention for the throne, always believing in was his family's by blood right.

It is all very interesting and I am enjoying it very much. I've always had an interest in History, especially old History, so the genealogy is a good stimulus for more study.

The Importance of Pets

2009-06-02T11:37:00.003-06:00

As all of the family is dealing with the loss of my Son's Family's adorable Sheltie, Angel, I begin to think about all the pets I have had in my life. It seems that I've had at least one animal in my life for most of my life. There have been times, usually during mourning for a lost pet, that I have been without one, but soon, the old imperative to share my life with another animal gets too strong. I find a new pet to enlarge my life.

During my childhood, I usually lived where having pets was not a problem and I frequently had more than one at a time. We almost always had a few cats around, whether outdoors,indoors or a combination. Much of my life I slept with at least one cat, sometimes two. There seemed to always be a dog at home except when I lived in 2 different Utah Power and Light company housing, but we had cats then too. I also had parakeets and goldfish at times. I remember the piglet my Dad bought to raise for future meat. He warned me it was not a pet, but I named it anyway. When it was time to butcher him, my Dad warned me and I hid under the bed until it was all over. I did eventually manage to eat some of the meat, but not without a little twinge.

I've loved and lost quite a few pets in my lifetime. We had a black cat who was a bit of a runt, so I tried to keep it house bound. I didn't know then that you need to have them nuetered or the males keep marking their territory. Bob got very upset when Sooty urinated in his new mocasins. They were totally ruined. We finally let Sooty out into the neighborhood. He came back in the morning ruffled and dirty, but seemingly triumphant over the other cats. His penchant for fighting was finally his undoing. He finally was hurt enough that he couldn't recover, though we did have him into the Vet, he ended up with bleeding stools, indicating internal injuries. I finally took him into the Vet to be put to sleep. When Bob came home from school and I told him about Sooty, he wanted to know whether we'd do that to him if he got sick. He nearly broke my heart. He was around 7 years old, I think, and really couldn't understand why there should be a distinction between people and pets. It's very hard to explain to a little boy, especially when you're not too sure of things yourself.

It's amazing how your pets can fill up your life like they do. Yesterday, MaryLou and I went to the grocery store to get groceries and dog food for our monster dog Lady. We were out at the car, putting things in the trunk when it thundered. The first thing both of us thought of was Lady. She's afraid of thunder. Of course, we hurried home to comfort her. Like I said, they're a big part of your life. People who've never had pets can't understand how important they are to us. We who have pets can't understand those who don't have pets. We're sure they are missing something in their lives.

Painful Loses

2009-05-31T16:46:00.002-06:00

It seems that our family has been having a streak of painful losses for the past few years. I guess that's true of many families. It just seems like it's piling up sometimes. I think that it must be an indication that we are investing love in our lives, otherwise, people and pets leaving us wouldn't be so painful.

My Son and his family are undergoing the possible loss of a beloved pet. I've been though that fairly often. Each time, I tell myself that I'll do without a pet,because it hurts so much when you lose them. It just seems so unfair that animals have so much shorter of a life span than we do.I still end up with another pet, because they give so much love and really don't ask for that much, usually.

My heart goes out to my Son and Daughter-in-Law and my Grandchildren. It is so painful, but the unconditional love you receive from a pet is priceless.

More Musings

2009-05-28T17:08:00.002-06:00

I can't believe that I used to post nearly evey day. Now I'm lucky if I post once a week. With the weather better, and yard work to do,time is slipping away again.

I got a wonderful email from my friend Zara, who was once staff for Michele. Actually, she was much more than Staff, she was a true mentor for Michele and I was thankful to God every day for her. I still am, actually. She pops up with an email just when I need it.

Anyway, Zara was telling me about an art project she was involved with on May 9th in Sugarhouse. They had artists and dancers around a creek that goes behind businesses there. They had dancers in the trees, and bright fabric floating in the water. They used umbrellas embellished by different artists scattered about. Zara said she felt Michele's spirit there. Later, she found out that Michele's supervisor, Scott, had donated the rest of Michele's umbrella collection for the project. I'm sure Michele would have loved to see all of her umbrellas being enjoyed that day.

I have a new project. I'm keying information from old records for Ancestery.com. It's Ancestery World Project, and volunteers view the records online and with some enlarging, try to fill out the pertinent information. I've been mainly doing immigration records,which is fairly easy if it's legible. The batch I did today about put me over the edge. One of the papers I was trying to do kept appearing upside down. Really hard to read that way. I finally got it working. My accuracy has been 84%, but it's slipping down to 82% the last couple of days. Handwriting was a bit different last century. Hope my eyes hold out!

Thoughts of Time

2009-05-20T11:35:00.003-06:00

I just had a birthday.I mentioned to someone I worked with, that I don't think I ever expected to be this age, at least not for years and years. Strangely enough, it has been years and years. That's what happens when you're not paying attention.

I was reading an essay about time recently. The author's point is that time is actually speeding up, not just our perception of it. I'm certainly aware of the perception of time passing faster. Every year seems to pass faster than one before. That's perception. However, this author discussed how many things happen in a time period, like a year or a decade, or a century, then cited how many things happen each decade or century. Things occur more rapidly now and have been speeding up at a break-neck pace with no sign of slowing down. Certainly that's been happening, but I'm not sure that proves that time is moving faster.

I know that I feel, quite frequently, that time is slipping away from me. My own life, in some ways, is slowing a bit, but everything around me seems to be in a hurry. My Aunt, people that I work with, will stop every now and then and comment, "Wow, May is more than Half over! Where did it go?"

Sometimes, I just feel time slipping away from me. Then I fret that I'm not doing all that I should, I'm not using "time" as I should. I always hear, "everyone gets the same 24 hours a day", but somehow, someone's put the clock on fast forward it seems.

After Effects

2009-05-05T15:07:00.002-06:00

Here it is May. In fact, in 3 days, it will have been one year since my daughter Michele, left us. She's been in my mind a lot lately, in fact for the last several weeks. I was remembering how hard it was to have her hooked up to machines and tubes, when I wanted, so much, to simply hold her. She was my baby, and I could only hold her hand, or pat her foot. It was very frustrating.

I also remember that I didn't seem to dream of her, at least not that I could remember. Last month, I had dreams of her several nights in a row. In these dreams, I was able to hold her, at last. When she was alive, I sometimes dreamed of her running away getting into harmful drinks,or getting lost, and I would wake in a cold sweat, having to assure myself that she was safe. At least, she was a safe as we could make her. The dreams last month would start out like my old ones, but, in the end, she was always really safe, and I was able to hug her and hold her. Maybe, it was my subconcouise, helping me to start healing.

I guess that accepting the loss of a loved one is an ongoing thing. It still doesn't seem right to lose a child. It just seems to go against the "way of things", though it does happen often enough. I am more accepting. After all, her absence is a fact, I can't change it. I still do miss her, as I miss my parents. I guess that doesn't really change. It's life, it seems.

Flip Book

2009-04-23T16:48:00.004-06:00

I belong to a creative crafts club, and we sometimes get the chance to test new products for companies. Recently, I tested something called a Flip Book. I had to have a digital camera and computer, and know enough to take a 30 second video, then download it to my computer. I decided to take a short video of Lady, the family dog. After I downloaded it and replayed it, I was concerned because the TV was on, so there was a lot of extraneous noise. Then there was me, trying to get Lady to look up at me. She looked at me once, saw the camera and started looking anywhere but the camera. I signed onto the company's website and followed the simple instructions to download the video to their site. Because I was testing the product, there was no charge to me,but the cost for one Flip Book is $8.99, plus shipping, total is around $11.98.

I wasn't totally sure exactly what I would be getting, but I didn't need to worry about the noise, at least. What they were testing was the process of making your video, downloading and ordering. I wrote a review for the company. This week I received my book. It's about the size of my cellphone. It's got the cover I ordered. They take your video and break it down, picture by picture. You just flip the pictures quickly, and there's your video! No power or battery to run out. You can carry it in your pocket. It's really quite fun. They also offer greeting Flips books, 4 for $19.95. I'm assuming that these are shorter versions, but haven't seen them yet. This seems to be a new company with a cute idea. Only time will tell, if it's a hit.

Royalty, That's Us.

2009-04-16T16:06:00.003-06:00

I think that I wrote once that we were not descended from William the Conqueror, but were descended from his half brother, Richard. Richard went with William and fought in the Battle of Hastings. For his reward, he was given much land and many titles. He took the name of Earl of Clare, and the area he ruled in Ireland was names county Clare in the family's honor.

I was working on another line of our genealogy, and discovered we are descended from the first King Henry of England. He became king after his father, King William, the Conqueror. So, we are directly descended, after all. This points up a discovery I've made, in my researches. Most of the royals were related to each other at least in one line, and often, in several. The nobility seemed to want to keep the titles, the lands, and the money, as much in the family as possible. They made alliances with other families, but there was just a lot of inter-marrying.

We're also descended from Henry the second. His family was the Plantagenants, who produced many of the English Kings and Queens. Henry II wasn't the son of Henry I though, different family. Don't get excited about being related to Richard, the Lion-hearted though. He and his brothers, Prince Geoffery, and Prince John were from Eleanor of Aquitane, HenryII' wife. He set her aside, and imprisoned her in a castle in France, then took up with Rosamond, who gave him a son, in his old age named William Longsepree. He is the one who is our ancestor.

In any case, we're also related to several Scottish Kings, including Robert, the Bruce and several early French kings. I'm sure you notice, however, it doesn't do much to improve our current lives. I've always loved studying earlyhistory,so now realising there were some of my ancestors living that history,has made it seem a bit more real to me. It's fun, anyway.

Updates

2009-04-08T15:24:00.002-06:00

I haven't been posting so much lately. I actually worked all this last weekend for our now quarterly promotion, A Taste of Sam's. This time it was called A Taste of Spring. Of course it snowed, but then it was LDS Conference weekend. Storminess is pretty much a given. This next Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I work to sell people things for Easter. I guess people still have to eat, and for our Catholic members, it's the end of Lent. They're probably hungry for something besides fish by now.

We had some nice days on Sunday and Monday. Today, we went out and enlarged some flower beds and nearly got blown away! It's raining now. That's okay, rain is good. Over last week, Snowbird got 14 feet of snow. Pretty nice. Sure glad it mostly stayed in the mountains.

Another thing that keeps me occupied is genealogy. It can almost get to be an obsession. What will the next century bring? How many kings are we related to. When you get back before the year 1000, it seems that there's a king behind every bush! Of course, there's so much inter-marriage, that it gets confusing. On the Peck side,(Mom's Grandfather's side) we go back to the Normans and the Vikings. On that line we aren't directly decended from William, the Conqueror. We are, however decended from his brother Richard, who became Richard De Clare. Imagine my surprise when I was doing the Scottish line to find out we are decended from William through his son Henry who became King of England after William. Then there all the Scottish Kings. There really was a MacBeth. He killed one of our royal Scotts ancestors with the help of the English king. Of course, these people were killing each other off right and left, even though they were all family. Sometimes, midevile times can seem romantic, but there were some real disadvantages. Even the richest of them would have not had a comfortable bathroom, or even one with much function

Oh, and we're related to French kings and German royalty, as well. It's quite amazing, but I guess there were a lot less people then, plus many of the royalty kept concubines in the 4th and 5th century, and it seems thier children were accepted. Probably they wanted huge families as a power base. Even so, it sure shows how connected we are to each other.

I've got kind of discouraged on the Haggerty line. The Irish don't have much of thier info online yet, or even on microfilm. They also charge for a lot of the information. I still haven't made the connection from Elias Haggerty and his father who was born in Ireland yet. I'll keep plugging away though.

More Geneology

2009-03-23T12:40:00.003-06:00

Here is the Haggerty Crest. As you can see, there are 2 gs in the name. I think the extra one was dropped with my Grandfather Gilbert, or perhaps his father Silas Sharp( the first). I have been in contact with someone who is also researching the Haggerty line. His family name is Watt, so a cousin. It's been kind of fun comparing notes and stories.

One of the questions he had was about the change in the spelling of the name. He had heard stories that there had been a falling out over a family business that didn't go well,and part of the family dropped the extra "g" in protest. I suspect in had to do with the county in Ireland that the family came from. The Northern counties in Ulster, were more often protestants and spelled thier names with one "g". Those from farther south like county Cork were more likely Catholic and used the 2 "g" spelling. It could have been something else, as well.

I had already seen the family crest, but I was able to get a download from an Irish website. There's a website for Aran sweaters. Each family has their own design for an Aran sweater. The Haggerty design is really pretty, but $250 is a little steep for me right now.

There's also an Irish connection through the Peck line. My Grandmother Jefferies maiden name was Peck. It seems that she has, so far, the most interesting lineage. It can be traced way back bcause she was desended from royalty, making her easier to trace. The Peck line went back into the 1100's as Peck, then became Provost and finally, the names were with titles so every one was different. The names were often Fitz followed by the father's name. One ancestor was William Fitzgilbert. He accompanied William the Conqueror,(who is a cousin) to the Battle of Hastins in 1066. For his valor, he was awarded many titles and given much land. He took the name William de Clare. One of his estates was in Ireland,and he lived and governed there. He must have done a good enough job, because they named a county after him, County Clare.

It's fun to look at the royal lines because there's so much information on them and you can feel the history. Some of the lines are more difficult to research. The Hagerty line is proving to be that way. There are so many of them and many immigrated to the US so it's hard to separate the facts. Maybe someday, I'll go to Ireland and see things for myself.

Changes

2009-03-12T15:42:00.002-06:00

I just finished reading a news column from Thomas Friedman. He quoted an article from "The Onion" where a Chinese worker in plastics talked about the crazy things Americans would buy, like salad shooters, use them for awhile, then just throw them away. You know, I used to have a salad shooter. I used it quite often for awhile. I must have thrown it away or hopefully given it away when I moved after my divorce. I've actually kind of missed it though.

Getting back to the point: Friedman says that this depression may actually be more than just a depression. 2008 may be the year that Mother Nature, and the stock market said "stop". It's time to stop spending more and more for things we don't need, stop trying to make more money than we need, and stop using up our natural resources and throwing away whatever we get tired of. He mentions that we're constantly working to grow more and make more money to buy more things made in China so they can get more money to buy more T bills so they can lend us more money to buy more..... You see where this is going.

I've always thought that a country who's gross national product is essentially it's consumers spending more and more is likely heading for a fall. Have you noticed a falling feeling? Fortunately, people are beginning to realise we need to build sustainably, recycle etc. Hopefully, it will all come out well, but the new world may be different from the old.

Update

2009-03-05T10:36:00.003-07:00

I can't believe I haven't posted since Feb. 19 ! I guess I've been spending so much time doing geneology, that I just didn't get around to it. I also wasn't sure anyone wanted to read another post about my ancestors.

The past couple of weeks I haven't been feeling too well. I'm not sure what's been wrong, just another strange virus going around at work I guess. The first week, I had so much back pain, I couldn't sleep unless I used a heating pad.Then I got blisters from the heating pad. That's been a lot of fun. I'm sleeping okay now, but the blisters are itching. New kinds of fun.

We've had lovely warm days, temps in the 50s and 60s. We even reached 70 one day. We've had really strong winds for the last 3 days. Today we're back to snow. Seems like a typical March. Yesterday I was toying with the idea of starting to dig out a garden spot, today I have to clean 2 inches of snow of my car. Still, the sun is shining bright and the wind has calmed.

My poor bank account is getting szhitsophrenic. One payday can be almost normal, the next has only 3 days on it. The last posted schedual gave me 12 days off. Fortunately, I got asked to work tomorrow, giving me 2 days this week. I haven't a clue what will happen next week. Vendors are cutting back on demos due to the economy and it's the vendors paying for demos that pays my salary. The last time we had a normal amount of demos was the weekend before and the weekend of the superbowl. Maybe March Madness will produce some demos. There's always Easter, but that's not until April. I'm thinking of trying to change departments. Still, with my not feeling well, at least I haven't had to call in sick, but I have worked sick. Oh well, I haven't been that bad anyway.

I've been looking at my spelling in this last paragraph. Not good!

I can't resist a little geneology. I found out we're related to William the Conquerer. He was actually the brother of our ancestor, not the direct ancestor, but still, kind of cool. This is from my maternal grandmother's line. Charlamaigne also shows up, but that's certainly something to take with a grain of salt. I discovered an ancestor named Mael Coluim Mac Doinnail, King Malcolm I of Scotland, evenfound a picture. He was born in 0983. He was also in that same maternal line. It's amazing how the lines spread out, like a tree, right. I've found over 2800 people and that only includes my own lines, not my ex husband's lines. That includes a lot of brothers and sisters who I probably won't persue, other than a few recent people.

Musings

2009-02-19T22:27:00.002-07:00

I've been ignoring my blog just because I'm a bit obsessed with geneology right now. Here is my daughter-in-Law, Lisa, putting up blog posts for her photography business, packing up and moving, doing blog posts on her family blog and she still finds time to keep up with Facebook and keeps thinking up ways to keep the rest of us busy keeping up with her. I guess I don't have any excuses about being slow to post.

I've got so many people on my family tree now, over a thousand, that sometimes when I'm working on a line, I don't even know which current relative I'm following. A couple of days ago, I actually got people born around the year 960. It gets kind of confusing back there, and you're never quite certain how accurate things are, but it's sure fun. There's a William Garscoine in every generation, for about 6 generations.Now that gets confusing, I wish the family had numbered them. I've run into one man that's supposed to be the High Sheriff of Yorkshire. There's another who's the 2nd Earl of something. Those who went to Cambridge or Oxford have lots of info on them. Most of these people are on the Peck side, at least from one of the female lines. The Pecks were from my Mom's female side. They were in Massachusets from almost the beginning. They're all English, except when they married into the French. The Jefferies were also English, except when they married into the Clarks, who are Welsh. The Pecks married into the Ures and Muirs, who are all Scots.

On my Dad's side, the Hagertys are from Ireland and proving to be hard to research after about 1810. My Father's mother was a Burns. Her line is English, Scots and some Swiss. My Great Grandfather Haggerty, (notice the spelling change) was married to Hester Ritenour. Dad thought she was Pennsylvania Dutch, but much of the family is from Germany. Anyway, it is very interesting.

More Geneology

2009-02-12T13:29:00.002-07:00

I can't believe how much fun I'm having doing geneology! The problem is that I spend hours looking up information. Every time I get birth dates in an earlier century, it's exciting. In some lines, I'm at 1494 for a birth date. How cool is that? I've been quite surprised at how early some of my ancestors appear in the United States. Some from my Maternal Grandmother's side must have been almost original immigrants.

I originally got into this because I was trying to find out if the stories about one of my Paternal Grandfathers marrying an American Indian woman, was true. Supposedly, several Hagerty brothers left Ireland during the Great Potato Famine. I did research on that. It occured in 1846 through 1848. I checked some ship passenger lists, and there were quite a lot of Hagertys, but I couldn't trace them without starting from myself and working my way back.

I was quite surprised to find my Great Great Grandfather Elias Haggerty was born in Pennsylvania in 1810. My ancestors had been here before the potato famine. Elias' father was born in Ireland though. I'm not absolutely sure I have the right person on him, as there are some conflicting evidence, but his name may have been, Believe John Haggerty. That name is no stranger than some I've come up with.

I find myself trying to imagine the life some of my ancestors lived. It really boggles the mind. I also ran into some really old information. It seems most modern Irishmen all come from 3 sons of a man called Milesius, who was a Celt from either Italy or Spain. They decided to conquer Ireland. Their names were, Heber, Heremon, and Amergin. It seems that Heber took over northern Ireland.The date listed was 1699 b.c. The great King, Brian Boru came from Heber's line. The Hagerty family also came from Heber's line. Anyway, it's quite facinating!

New Obsession

2009-02-04T16:16:00.003-07:00

I've been a little lax in posting lately, but it's just that I have a new obsession. My daughter-in-law emailed me a question about my grandfather's ancestry. I could only give her some general, hear-say information. I decided to try doing some research online. I kept running into no information for my family name.Then I found a website that gave names in English for names listed in Gaelic where I found a couple of different spellings of our name. Unfortunately, it was from a list of clans and families in around 400 a.d. Today I found a mention of the name in a history from 1699 b.c. ! Imagine that!

Most of my family came from the British Ilses. On my Mother's side were Scots, Welch,and English. On my Father's side were Irish, at least on the male side. I'm not positive on my Grandmother's side. She could have been scottish or Irish. My understanding, from family stories, there were several brothers in the family that immigrated from Ireland to Canada during the Great Famine. I've read a lot on that, Now I'm trying to get passenger lists or even names of ships and dates of travel. It is so interesting to read about the happenings and all that these people went through and to think that one of you ancestors was there. I'd like to get from me to them, working backwards as you mostly need to do. I'll tell you though, that info from 1699 b.c.has really whetted my appetite to go as far back as I can. It is just facinateing.

It seems that most of the Irish come from 3 brothers whose father was a Celt from Spain. They were Milesius, whatever that is. The three brothers went to Ireland with thier armies to conquer the island. Thier anglesied names were Heber, Hereman, and Amerigan. Heber's line was where my family name came from. It's also the line that King Brian Boru came from. He's played a huge part in Ireland's history and Myths. I didn't find any kings in my family line. Oh well, who wants a king in the family anyway.

It's quite difficult to find a lot of info in Ireland due to the famines and rebellons etc. There are archives in Ireland, but they aren't online, so far. I could just go over to county Donegal and see for myself, right. I think my Aunt and I will go to the LDS Church Family History Library. We should be able to get quite a bit from there. I also joined a geneology message and discussion board for the U.K. so, I may pick up some things there. Fortunately, I'm enjoying the research aspect of it all.

Getting Carried Away

2009-01-26T15:49:00.001-07:00

I'm on a social website called Facebook to keep a bit more in touch with my family, plus it's fun. However, today I learned how mindless it can get. There are whole lists of things, places, products and people that you can become a"fan" of. Unfortunately, you can spend 20 minutes running down pages of lists and clicking things you are fans of, without wondering whether you want to be a fan of something that sounds cool, or whether you really know anything about what you're becoming a fan of. Is there any purpose to it? I'm certainly not sure. Still, I just became a fan of dozens of places, organisations, and foods. Did I accomplish anything but to fill up 20 minutes of time I could have used elsewhere? I guess I can put it down to playing.

We've really run the gamut in weather this past week. We got one of our usual temperature inversions, with the resulting polution being pretty severe for over a week. The polution became fog for a couple of days. In fact, my drive home last Thursday night was pretty rough. Then we got rain for a couple of days, which turned into snow yesterday. That led to shoveling and other fun things. It's still January, so I'm sure we'll have more snow. If I was the boss of winter, I'd mostly keep the snow in the mountains, and the rain in the valley. Nobody seems to be assigning me the job, so I guess I'll have to deal with what is.

A New Day

2009-01-21T16:46:00.004-07:00

Yesterday, America made history. We elected the first African-American as President. It was noteworthy that his inauguration was one day after we celebrate Martin Luther King's birthday. It's like his dream finally came true.

As wonderful as that is, the really exciting thing is the calber of man that we have elected. That he is African-American, is just icing on the cake.

My impression of Barrack Obama, is of a man who is comfortable in his own skin, someone who has confidence in his vision of how things should be, but not afraid to ask for help. He seems to be open to opposing views and other ideas. He certainly seems to be someone open to the modern world, it's technologies and new ideas. He still wants us to remember all the values that America was built on. He's asking us to help build a new vision of our world, incorporating all those values. It's so refreshing to be asked to do something other than to "go shopping"! He recognises that "We the people" are ultimately responsible for the direction our country goes. He can lead, but we need to follow. We can't ignore things that are wrong in our country, niether can we wring our hands and cry that we can't do anything.

The problems facing our nation are so vast that we're going to have to be patient. We need to give things time, and we can't expect miracles. President Obama is a man, a good and intelligent man, but he'll probably make mistakes. We need to keep supporting him anyway. Who among us hasn't made mistakes

The Blows of Life

2009-01-18T15:03:00.003-07:00

Sometimes it seems that life can really hit you hard. It just hauls off and gives you a big kick!

In our local newspaper, I read a story recently that made me sad and glad. This woman, is 61 years old and had been diagnosed a year ago with MS. Her husband of 40 years, found an older mobile home in an established mobile home park and moved her into it. Then he sold their home and disappeared. She's not heard from him since, and has no idea were he is. Maybe he didn't want to take care of her, or maybe he just didn't want to watch her deteriorate. I guess"in sickness or health" was part of the marriage vows he forgot.

Unfortunately, the furnace didn't work and the water heater was shot. She had no hot water and no heat. She did, however, have electricity and a roof over her head. She also had caring nieghbors who found out about her plight. They got her an electric blanket to help her keep warm at nights, and on the colder nights had her sleep in their mobile home and offered her their shower. This lady can only walk with a walker. She can't work, but has disabilty payments of which, her lot rent takes up half. She goes to the local food pantry to supplement her food.

A really great thing happened. Her situation became known to a contractor and a plumber in town. She now has a new furnace and a new water heater with new pipes. All of this was donated and completed by her birthday. She figures that a warm home and hot water for a bath, is about the best birthday gift she's ever received.

It just goes to show, life can bash you around, but it can also lead you to good people and better days.

Reading

2009-01-14T10:36:00.002-07:00

I've been a bit lax in my posting. Maybe it's cause I spend too much time reading and not writing. I just finished "Thud" by Terry Pratchett. I have so many of my books put away, due to my moving. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy Pratchett's Disc World series. These books can make you laugh out loud. They are also a comment on human nature.

In this book, we meet Sam Vines again, chief of police in Ankmorpok. He's now a Duke, thanks to marrying Sylvia. His one absolute in life, other than being a "copper", is being home at 6pm to read "Where's My Cow?" to Sam junior. It's a picture book, suitible for a small toddler. Inspector Vimes even manages to yell it from memory from hundreds of feet under ground, and Sam Jr. hears it. Of course, the disc world has it's magic.

The main idea of the book is to discover the secret of Koom Valley, and to stop the fighting between Dwarf and Troll, before they reinact the Battle of Koom Valley.There are some great side stories about different kinds of people learning to get along, like werewolves and vampires, who normally don't get along. (Imagine that)

I enjoyed the book so much, I'm thinking of re-reading some of the first ones, especially the ones about witches. Unfortunately, I don't think I still have them. Time to get a library card.

The New Year, So Far

2009-01-05T11:25:00.003-07:00

One of the first changes for the new year is that my work hours have been cut. During the holidays I usually work 4 days per week. I was trying to prepare myself for the decrease in income when I usually go back to 3 days per week. Suddenly, I have to re-do my budget again. I'll only be working 2 days per week, at least in January. It could be worse, some are cut to one day some weeks. Even the fulltime people have to give up one day a week. We are just not getting the orders for demos as much. Hopefully, as time goes on, things will pick up. There is one advantage, one less day a week to deal with driving in a snow storm.

Speaking of snowstorms, we had a fun one last Friday. I'd been hoping it would hold off until I got home, but it didn't. It started raining around 6 pm. By the time I got off at 7 pm, it was beginning to snow. When I got to I- 80, the snow flakes were getting big and visability was getting worse every moment. When I first got onto the freeway, there were 4 lanes with totally invisable lines. You headed where you thought you should be, then prayed. Eventually, as I got farther west, the freeway is down to 2 lanes each way, so I just hugged the outside lane, listening for the bump, bump, bump sound that would tell me I was too far to the right. People were being pretty careful, only going around 30 mph. The roads were so slushy, that when anyone passed, they gave you a slush bath. Luckily, I had put new windshield whipers on a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say, I finally arrived home safely.

The next day, it took me 10 or 15 minutes to get my car door unfrozen and opened. The road crews had done thier jobs during the night and the roads were in pretty good shape. It was a fast moving storm, sort of hit and run. Lots better than those storms that hang around for days. I must admit that everything was pretty the next morning when we went out to clear the driveway. The sun was shining and the trees were covered in thick snow. Unfortunately, I didn't get a picture. Maybe next storm, it's only January, after all.

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T11:34:00.002-07:00

Here's hoping for 2009 being a "good" new year, whatever your idea of good is. Hopefully, we will all reach, at least the most important of our goals and aspirations. Notice I didn't use the term, "resolutions". I've gotten away from making resolutions. I think that we get too hung upon forever breaking those resolutions, then feeling like a failure. With goals and/or aspirations, we can always revise or refine, or even just chuck them if they don't serve our good.

I've looked at my New Years goals and it seems that I make the same ones every year. Obviously, those goals are not working. I've tried to revise and reword.....still no go. Maybe, just maybe, these goals aren't met because they're the wrong goals. So many years, too many to count, I wanted to lose wieght. It didn't work so much or at least not for long. I revised the goal to being fit and healthy. Seems like a good goal, but hard to measure unless you set up parameters to meet. Wow! That sounds like fun. I also made goals about money. Well, wasn't that a great success?

This year I've decided to be easy on myself, at least I hope it will be easy. Maybe, the feeling that I need this goal, is a sign that it won't be that easy. You see, I think I need to enjoy life more, have some fun. My goal is to bring more fun and enjoyment to my life. Of course, everyone has a different idea of what is fun, and that idea can change from one day to the next. I just want to live my life, not just fill it up with "have tos" and "should dos", and add more of the"want tos". As the past has shown me, life can and will, throw you unexpected curves, at least I want to be able to say I've done, at least, some of what I've wanted to do. Sometimes, all the power we have is our choice in how we will react to what life throws at us.

One nice thing about a new year. It can be like a blank slate, anything can happen. I'm going to try and focus on the positive. It can be a very good year.

Last Day of 2008

2008-12-31T14:58:00.003-07:00

I like to review my year on Dec 31, when I can.Usually, that's in my journal, but I'll do it in my blog this year.

2008 was probably my least best year, I'm afraid. Losing my daughter, Michele, is right up there with being one of the worst experiences in my life. It was so unexpected, despite the fact that for many years, when she was younger, I was afraid that she would drink something, or run off and get into trouble that would lead to her death. The past several years were quite calm after her years going through puberty and getting into a group home. Because of the excellent care she received from Turn Services, I began to relax. In fact, I had started to worry about how Michele would deal with my passing. I guess no one could have predicted she would have a brain tumor.

There was a great deal of pain in Michele's passing. There still is, for that matter. Even so, I was amazed at the lives she touched, and the people who were there with me and with her, giving her their love and energy to get through her last task. I am so grateful for them.

Strangely, gratitude is an emotion that rivals sorrow for this last year. I had help and caring from so many people, those at the hospital, those people who worked with her, people that I work with and my wonderful family who bear the sorrow with me. I hope they all know how grateful I am to them.

I can barely remember the first few months of 2008, but from Michele's passing onward, the year seems etched in my mind. Strange.

I got to get to know a little about my granddaughter to be, when Sam and Solanah drove down from Vancouver to see us after Michele died. They knew they wouldn't be able to stay for any funeral proceedings, but were here to show thier support for us. I'm grateful.

I'm so grateful to my son, Bob, his wonderful wife, Lisa, to my grandchildren Caitlin and Ethan, for thier company and presence during the planning and services for Michele. We had this little 2 bedroom house, filled with the people I love, mattresses everywhere, and it was great!

I got myself busy doing yard work with a "green" people power mower. It was really quite easy. It helps when the mower is new and the blades are sharp. I had planned to plant a garden, but hadn't got the grass dug out before Michele's passing. After that, I just didn't have the energy, or the heart to dig it out. Hopefully, I will get that accomplished this year.

We didn't do much movie going, but did go to an art exhibit last summer. Gas prices were still high, so there weren't any road trips. Most of my travel was commuting back and forth to work in Salt Lake. By the time I needed to start my extra Holiday hours, the price of gas was coming down. For awhile, it seemed that the price was in free fall, dropping a couple of cents a day. Now it's up a few cents, but seems to have leveled off. (hopefully) I have a new co-ordinator at work, but things aren't too changed. It does seem that there's a bit more micro-managing with the recession and all.

A really bright spot has been the election of Barrack Obama as President. He has so many problems ahead of him, I give him my prayers for strength and good judgement.

The future looks a little scary right now, but I have a lot of hope for us. I was reading an article in the news that most people feel much the same way for now. Maybe we'll be forced to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and make a kinder, better world.

I know this is kind of long, and I've only hit the most important spots. Onward and upward to 2009!

Quiet Christmas

2008-12-26T12:16:00.003-07:00

We had a quiet Christmas yesterday. The south wind was setting up a raquet though. I could never seem to figure out if it was snowing lightly, or if all the flakes in the air were just being blown around from existing snow. There was about an inch of snow on the roads though, so MaryLou drove down to get Maureen for dinner.

I cooked dinner, nothing too elaborate, a cranberry pork loin. We did pig out on cheesecake for dessert. It seems that all three of us got food for Christmas, lots of chocolate. By 4 pm, MaryLou took Maureen home. Later, we realised we couldn't hear the wind anymore.We looked out and it was snowing like crazy.

Today, I got up with a sinus headache around 5 am and took ibuprofen. I got up at 6:30am and got warm clothes on to go out and dig out from the storm. We had at least 6 inches,maybe a little more. By the time we cleared the driveway, porches and walkway, it was after 8am. I cleared my car a bit, but need to finish. I got snow in my boot and my pant bottoms were snow crusted. One of my feet was so cold that it ached for awhile after I got into the warmth. My head was still hurting, so I finally decided not to go to work today, I'll make it tomorrow though. Can't afford to take too much off.

We're actually seeing some blue sky here and there.It's really cold though, about 22degrees. I don't know why I grump and groan about the cold and snow every winter. After all, it is winter, and it comes every year whether I want it to or not. Maybe I should find something fun to do in the winter that I could look forward to every year. Might work, as long as it doesn't require driving in ice and snow. Lotsa luck, right?

Odds and Ends

2008-12-24T16:34:00.003-07:00

It's been an interesting week or two. We finally got busy at Sam's Club with the Taste of Sam's event. Every week-end after that was pretty busy. People aren't buying as lavishly as they have the past couple of years, but they are still buying some of the things they really like, even if the price is a bit higher. I was really getting tired from the extra hours, plus we've been required to work later hours. All of our week day shifts are from 11 am to 7pm. That puts me home pretty late. Last Friday we had a pretty big snow storm and it took me 2 hours to get home. Things will slow down for awhile now.Maybe I can get rested up.

My daughter-in-law got me started on Facebook. It's been kind of fun, so far. There's a lot of fun things you can do. I've already added some friends, of course they're all related, except for my grandson's fiance, and she will soon be officially related, though she's already part of the family.

The weather up in the Northwest has been scary. I think they have more snow in the Portland area than we hae in the Salt Lake/Tooele area. I worried about my family being on the road, but it seems that it's been so cold, that one cars'battery went dead, and another had a flat tire, so they're not on the road too much for awhile. Instead of road problems, they have to worry about cabin fever.

It's been pretty cold today, or at least seemed so with a south wind blowing in another storm. Christmas Day is supposed to have a pretty heavy snow storm. We're staying home,but my Aunt Maureen is coming here for dinner. If the storm gets too bad, I guess MaryLou or I can drive her back and forth.

We spent the morning going into Salt Lake to visit Mom and Michele's graves and put some poinsetias on them. All day, I've felt that something was missing. It's been like waiting for someone to arrive, so Christmas could begin. There's kind of an empty space in the house right now.

Lisa did a beautiful version of one of the pictures she had taken of Michele and sent it to MaryLou and I. It is really special and we both cried when we saw it, but we appreciate it so much. Lisa always sends out a family picture for thier Christmas card. Solanah is included this year too. The family always has wonderful poses and attitude for the picture. They all should be on the stage.

I've been a little lax on my posting. Sorry, but I've been pretty tired after work and busy on days off, maybe a little lazy as well.Hopefully, I'll get better

Blah, Blah, Blah

2008-12-17T10:37:00.003-07:00

As you may see from my title, I'm not in too great a mood. I've been trying to post at least once a week, more if I can. I'm just putting down words to say I've posted.

Christmas is next week. There's not much to say about it, except that I'll be through doing a 4 day work week, that's nice. It will be a very quiet day for us, I think. It will be white, I'm sure. We haven't got huge amounts of snow, just persistant storms coming through. I could even deal with that,I think, if it wasn't so blasted COLD! It'sabout 15 degrees out there now. I need to replace my windshield wiper blades before Friday's storm,but I'm really resisting going out in the cold.

When things get dark and I get grumpy, it's time to find something to be grateful for. I filled my gas tank for under $12 last Sunday. Prices for gasoline are about $1.39 per gallon, so far. That's something to be grateful for. We have a roof over our heads and the furnace works. Our shower is done and works. I still have a job and, so far, my hours haven't been cut. I enjoy the people I work with. I enjoy most of my customers, especially the babies and toddlers. I have a wonderful family,even though it is one smaller this year. The snow is only inches deep, not more than a foot deep as it was last year. We are starting to pile it up in the mountains. I have books to read, crafts to do, the internet to play with. I have clothing to counteract the cold, and I don't have to work in the cold, like some. I guess I have things pretty good and if I'm open to the possibilities, things will get better and better. I know all that, but, just for today, I'm still a little grumpy, but I'll be better tomorrow.

Procrastination

2008-12-10T12:01:00.003-07:00

Today the sun is shining brightly. We have just a light breeze and the temp is around 35 degrees. We ended up with about 2 inches out of Monday's storm. I hoped if I ignored it, that it would melt. Unfortunately, we are on the wrong side of the street. We face North. This time of year, the sun is toward the south, so it's mostly behind the house as it goes across the sky. That means that the house shades the walk ways and quite a bit of the driveway. Anyway, the snow was still there this morning. I finally had to bite the bullet and go shovel. Of course, by now, there are footsteps and ice all over, so the walks and driveway are only partially clean. Hopefully, what sun we do manage to get, will melt at least some of the packed snow and ice. If I had not procrastinated, the snow might be gone by now.

To go on with my exciting life; I'm not sure if MaryLou's dreaded virus is aware of me or not, since I always have some sinus problems in the cold weather. MaryLou isn't coughing so much, but she still has a full head. We both got good news from Social Security today, a nice 5% cost of living raise. With me still working and paying into the program, I usually get a little boost in December,which is nice. Considering my salary, it's just a little boost, but better than nothing.

I work the next 4 days and we may get snow. After last year, I'm not looking forward to the commute. Hopefully, it won't be as bad as last year. After the holidays, we may get slower at work and I may get hours cut. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what the economy does, just like everyone else.

Snowy Day

2008-12-08T12:03:00.003-07:00

Today it's snowing. It's supposed to be a light snow. I guess it is, as it's been coming down for about 3 hours and there's only about an inch accumulation on my car, so far. The ground is still a bit warm, so it took awhile before it started laying. I can appreciate the snow today, as I have the day off, just the laundry to do.

I love how quiet it seems when it is snowing. Of course, if there's a wind, and it's a blizzard, it's not too quiet. Rain makes a sound when it lands, but snow just settles lightly down. I'm trying to find reasons to be happy about snow, can you tell? I mean, we live in high desert country and we really need the snow, so I might as well try to like it, at least a little. As a child, I liked snow quite a bit. I built snow men and snow forts and made snow angels. Obviously, I didn't drive at the time. I even liked to help clean the walks, just because I didn't have to.

My Aunt, MaryLou is not feeling so well. She's bundled up in her quilt, forcing fluids, trying to fend off a cold. I'm hoping to avoid catching it, as I really don't have time to be sick. Maybe, if I'm very quiet, the virus won't notice me?

The Season

2008-12-03T12:00:00.004-07:00

Today, we were thinking about how much Christmas decorating we were planning to do this year. Our nieghbors have their lights up and lighted figures out. All over the city and county as well, there are lights springing up everywhere. I halfway expected to see fewer displays this year, what with the recession and all. I guess that either people are putting up a show of hope, or maybe just doing what they always do, out of habit.

We've decided to leave our lighted figures in the basement. We'll probably use some small lights on the fence, just to show the neighbors we're still here. We've got our wreaths up and the mailbox decorated. Indoors, we've put out one or two things. We may put out a little more, but niether of us feels like going all out this year. The economy plays some part, but mostly it's because we are still in mourning. I imagine this year will be the biggest problem, and that it will fade a bit with time, but, for now, my heart just isn't into a lot of decorating. That doesn't mean that Christmas will mean any less. In fact, it will probably mean more, in many ways.

Our weather is still on the mild side. Last year on Dec.1st, we had a huge storm. I'm not feeling left out though. I'm still driving into Salt Lake 4 days a week, so milder weather is easier. I'm sure it won't last forever. I'll just enjoy it while it lasts.

We have new stores in Tooele. A new Big 5 Sports opened recently, and a new Sears appliance store had their grand opening on "black Friday" and did very well. We have a new Gold's Gym being built that will open around the 20th of Jan. Right now, you can join for $21 per month. I've been trying to decide if I can afford it or not. I'm just a little worried that things at work will slow down in January and my hours might go down. Last year stayed fairly busy, but this year could be different. I guess only time will tell. In any case, we're still surviving, plumbing bills and all.

Thanksgiving, 2008

2008-11-27T10:19:00.002-07:00

I've frequently railed at the fact that Thanksgiving seems to get lost between Halloween and Christmas. Now, I'm thinking that might be a good thing. It hasn't become quite so commercialised as the other holidays. There are still advertisements for food and all, but not the unrelenting push to buy, buy, buy.

Today I'm thankful for many things, some big, some small. All of these things add to a life lived. Most of all, I'm thankful for my family. I have a wonderful Son and Daughter-in-law who have given me 3 wonderful Grandchildren. I don't see them anywhere near enough, but by seeing them less often, I notice all the ways they are growing and maturing. They are positively amazing in thier accomplishments and thier great views on life. I miss them a lot. I'm so thankful that they are what and who they are.

I lost my beloved Daughter this last spring. Sometimes it's very hard to find things to be thankful for in this occurance. However, I am thankful that I was with her at the end. I'm thankful that I was able to see the many people she touched and made a difference to in her life. Despite the pain of her passing, I will be forever thankful that she was a part of my life.

I have two wonderful Aunts who have been there for me my whole life and who, in many ways, saved me when the bottom fell out of my financial life.

There are many seemingly small things to be grateful for, that really make life a blessing. There's sunshine and rain and even snow and wind. There's flowers and trees and weeds and all the other living things that we share this planet with that add to our lives. Even the lowly mesquito has it's place,(I guess). Being able to stop and rest can be wonderful, especially when you've done the work that got you tired.

I'm thankful for my belief in God and my sense of His presence, that small voice within that gives you love and ideas. I'm thankful for all the people that are also a part of God, and therefore me. I'm thankful for the ability to choose, whether that choice works out or not. Hopefully, I take the choice that's founded in love oftener than not.

In this time of uncertainty in the world, may we all make choices based in love and hope and gratitude and we will make for a better world. As the saying goes, "become the change you want to see in the world."

"Taste of Sam's"

2008-11-25T14:28:00.003-07:00

"Taste of Sam's" is over for another year. It's always nice to have it over, especially if it was busy. It was definitely busy!

Every year, usually the weekend before Thanksgiving, Sam's Club has an event called, A Taste of Sam's " where we go all out to demo the new holiday products, as well as the tried and true products. Of course, I'm speaking of food products. We have the whole demo staff involved, some cooking in the kitchen and trying to keep up with demand. The rest of us are on the sales floor, serving the members and their guests. We are generous with the products and keep serving from 10:30 AM until 6:00 PM, then we have to clean up. We do this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

I was on the dessert table all 3 days, changing partners each day. We gave out samples of cheesecake every day, always one flavor from The Cheesecake Factory, plus a couple of other brands we carry. We offered apple crisp, nice and warm, with vanilla bean ice cream. We had mini eclairs and cream puffs, sugar cookies and something called profiteroles, which are like puffed pastry dipped in chocolate with flavored cream fillings. Two days we offered fair trade coffee, and one day eggnog.

You have to pretty much get an assembly line going, putting all the samples on a plate and getting them out to people. Bear in mind that you're serving from frozen cheesecake that needs to be cut all day. When we were serving ice cream, we had to keep it from melting as much as possible. We'd just get going good, when someone would want coffee or eggnog and one of us would have to stop to pour. Because of temperature concerns, the drinks couldn't be put out early.

We were busy all three days, but Saturday was unrelenting. Of course, each of us had to take breaks and lunch, leaving the other to slog on by themselves.

The first two days, we were taking cheesecakes out of the freezer maybe 2 at a time, so they were pretty frozen. It really became difficult to cut them. On Sunday, I took 4 each of the 2 cakes we were doing and let them soften up while we were getting set up for the day. That worked a little better, but by the 4th cake, it was soft enough to be sticking to the knife. We figure we served 2000 people.

I went home each night and had to put heat packs on my right hand.With carpel tunnel and arthritis, I was pretty uncomfortable. In fact, all day on Monday, I wore my brace, which I usually only wear at night.

By Sunday night, we were all pretty tired. At least I've got 4 days off now. I did the washing yesterday, going up and down the basement stairs and packing up the clean clothes while MaryLou worked on the tile for the shower. She got the area around the tub faucet re tiled while worked. Today, we went down to Home Depot to get a few more tiles and realised that we were both really tired and needed a day off, so we are relaxing for the rest of the day.